All posts in category O Self

Fucking Myself on a Solitary Evening

Sundown, night fall, rain on the glass of the window and the road. Four orgasms, frisked out from my cunt, an eveningĀ  alone. The first two are standard, sheer black lace panties yanked off and pitched into the hamper across the room. I find my small clit after stroking the slick of wetness up through […]

And Some Things Still Suck

A good part of my life remains not about the sex, and with my decreased involvement in the BDSM community proper is leaves me flailing about a bit for where I stand on stuff. With Brick it’s something incredibly new, and hilariously, driven by my libido being several magnitudes over his (honeymoon phase he says. […]

Honestly, I Need To Get Fucked

I need you to fuck me in a way that makes me want to shred your skin and bruise you. I want to see you vulnerable and helpless and there’s the ache and the little niggling tinge of fear for me because to want something is to let yourself be open to the possibility of […]

Fall Changes, Forward Motion and Endings

Lately it’s been a life lived in a general state of desire I’ve missed. I’m happy to have my lust back, happy to crave and want and not feel completely undesired although I have once again screwed myself (and not in the good way) via setting my wants on someone out of easy reach for […]

New York & Brick

I went to New York last weekend. Three days, two sleeps, flying down to Laguardia, waiting anxiously at the airport for him to arrive and the meet up, full of bounce as weeks of anticipation culminated in the hard impact of bodies next to the baggage carousel. The heat off us and the mist of […]

Trans-Mortem

The whole process of my breakup is not done. We are still in awkward close quarters, negotiating the logistics of the seperation as we each move into our own household. Lots of crying. He took a week off work to grieve and has been pretty much high half the time. I have tried to get […]

The Tower and the Chariot

The news of my estranged mother’s breast cancer adds one more variable in the tornado of shrapnel that is my life. Good news on my insurance paperwork is the trade off. Probably getting paid for my month of sick. Can pay Wildcard back for last month’s rent. Got to figure out the rest of my […]

Tribal Solutions To Old Problems

Once upon a time I was assaulted. Three times, the last time I fought back and punched him in the head. I learned like all niafs in the BDSM scene that not everyone respects you. I grew up. I first made a space without him, got braver and called him out. In the mean time […]

LARP Boys & Sexuality

I am awash in LARP boys. I am seriously concerned if I show up for one of the conventions, it’s going to be spontanious bukkake with the amount of attention. Which brings up the same thing I have talked about before, one’s relationship to the voracious desires others have for you. Wildcard remains with a […]

Sickness and Idleness

It’s been two weeks since I went into the emergency room, my stomach so pained that I was crying with it. Two months of hurting, escalating from a week of bad things pushed on me. They scoped me out, found nothing in my guts by MRI, and a non-threatening cyst on my left ovary. I […]