All posts in category O Thinking

Why Kinkshaming Ruins Christmas

Ok, ok that was shameless clickbait. I’m sorry. It’s not that bad. What I am talking about is actually the conversation around “Baby It’s Cold Outside“. There are two camps around this popular carol, one that observes that it is a festive version of Blurred Lines only worse, and a counter point  that it is […]

Corporations Hate Kinky Sex

At the time of writing, Patreon and Twitter are both going through a phase of removing adult content. Patreon changed their ToU, while Twitter has been merrily shadowbanning accounts it deems sensitive, trimming them from the general popular discourse. Twitter managed to hit historical expert @Whoresofyore during her book promo, while Ferns of Domme Chronicles […]

My Take on Cuckolding Fantasies

“So multiple people offered to throw in cash to get me to go to this event at $nerdhobby, I am so popular.” I’m not bragging, I’m surprised at my popularity and slightly bemused by the absurdity. His reaction is to miss a beat, face going suspicious, “Oh really? Who?” “The very gay $nerdhobbyguy, for one.” […]

Fuck Homophobia; Fuck Islamophobia

This is more like a one shot service announcement, but as a sexual libertine I wanted to put this out there, based on the Orlando tragedy: Fuck homophobia. Fuck blaming Muslims. As a non-American I don’t feel qualified to give more than an opinion on the subject of gun control (why do you need those? […]

Things I Am NOT Saying About Professional Dominants

As a follow up to my last post on the subject of dominatrices VS non-professionals, I’ve also been trying to share more of other people’s writings on the subject and make this more of a conversation, including on twitter. And of course I’m getting pushback because people think I dislike or don’t believe in professional […]

Not All Femdoms Are Sex Workers

Once again, an innocent question from a redditor reminds me of one of the problems that comes with being a non-professional dominant. Or really any conversation about femdom. I get messages from people in my inbox (I guess I seem authoritative) of various sites and this is not an unusual occurrence. Sometimes it’s a guy […]

On Femdom In Popular Culture

I guess one of the hardest parts of conventional heterosexual femdom is how damn disempowering it feels. Maybe some women get joy out of it in the porn and movie version, but in my perception, it takes the idea of female power and turns it into a grotesque parody, one propped up by a very narrow […]

Femdom Nouvelle and Beyond BDSM

There are moments where kink gets frustrating because no label is ever a good enough fit to eliminate the “yes, but…” factor. I’m a femdom, but… I don’t dress or act like a porn cliché. Is that a “Real Femdom“? Well, making that claim is as bad as calling yourself a Real Woman, since you […]

Don’t Fear The 50Shades Newbies

With the long promised movie coming up, internet BDSM communities are continuing the ongoing tizzy about how terribly awful bad this phenomena is for kink, particularly how we are going to expect a barrage of innocents any day now, who will totter in all starry eyed and come into some sort of unspecified calamity based […]

Do Dominants Have All the Power in BDSM?

One of the most common questions in kink, particularly when you are trying to convey the concepts to newbies or people outside of kink, is who really has the power in a D/s relationship. There’s differing opinions on that. The default people tend to go to is “The dom, duh, that’s their job!” but it’s […]