30 days of kink: Hard limits, ethics and funny stuff.

30 days of kink continues with a bunch of unrelated questions- from super serious limits to funny anecdotes.

Day 10: What are your hard limits?

I don’t want to permanently harm anyone. I also don’t want to involve poo, children or animals. I also don’t want to be outed or out anyone, which limits the possible blackmail scenarios I’m comfortable with. I also prefer to play with a safeword and breaking the law is not my idea of fun.

When I’m on the receiving end of stuff I’m extremely, ridiculously picky- like one of the reasons I know that the ‘submissive’ label doesn’t fit is that the experience is very much about what I want. I don’t like punishment dynamics used on me, or involving other people beyond a very passive audience- like I don’t mind people getting off on it, but being vulnerable to people and their judgement makes me uncomfortable in a not sexy way.

For example, I like the sensations of impact play and have a reasonably high pain thresh hold, but while playing with Wildcard where there was an audience (camming) he was joking with them about me being a bad girl, etc and I basically went into full on GTFO dom mode. In the end, I think he found my reaction, which was pretty icy and calmly pissed off, more distressing than I found the experience.

Due to past bad mojo, I can’t masturbate and have someone fondle me from my right side. I’m also slightly jumpy about being touched from behind, even though that’s a major source of sexual stimulation for me. I’m usually okay about that, but a few days ago I was washing my hair in the bathtub and got caught but surprise to a grope and got all weirdly freaked out.

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

I find this one comes up a lot for people who feel guilty or believe that subs/bottoms don’t really want what they want. I think there is a lot of ethical stuff to unpack and examine within kink, such as Dommism, but I don’t see the ethics of kinky sex as being too deviant from what people consider vanilla. Heheh, deviant.

For me, one of the challenges is that I function under a preference for enthusiastic consent (as it should be) but fetishize non-con. In theory one would just ask your partners to talk about and describe their desires, but I’ve discovered a lot of people don’t have the vocabulary to do that- or they don’t make that sort of separation of role. In hindsight some of the challenges with Strong is that he wanted to be forced without being able to tell me he wanted it. Obviously this meant where he would start talking about limits I would back off- because I don’t like having to second guess my partners.

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had.  If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

Well, there was the time after an orgy I was helping people pack up, and being on sextoy washing duty I stuck a large purple suction cup dildo to the wall at eye level and they nearly forgot it there for the hotel staff.

Or the time that I was using a fly swatter on someone’s ass and got them in the nuts by accident, or the time my endorphin addled friend thanked someone “for the soft caning”, resulting in a much harder session than the top had initially planned.

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3 Comments

  1. Hi Pearl!

    First comment I know, but I have enjoyed your blog for months, so – thank you! I do hope you are well? For me your serious advice is always perfect, but people do forget that there is a fun side as well.

    Of course there are those ‘dynamic’ moments, which need to be taken seriously, but lets face it sometimes things just go wrong, I remember a makeshift spanking bench completely falling apart under me with a great crash, and bits going everywhere! (Splattering everyone around). Milady was of course horrified, but all I could do was collapse on the floor in hysterics.

    Over the years, I have had several such incidences, I remember cling film (saran wrap) melting in the sun one hot outdoor day, pitching me out of a tree, and only last week, Milady manged to break a crop across my bum, while I was in a similar position. Strangely it did not hurt, and I missed out on all the fun, since I couldn’t see what everyone was laughing at!

    Seriously though, and I think you would agree, that many who want to be a part of this lifestyle, tend to concentrate on the D/s or M/s side of things, and forget that actually, it’s all about real personal relationships. Flaws and all.

    Reply
    • Milady

       /  September 5, 2014

      HMM sweetie

      Well now, I do so agree with Miss Pearl that fun needs to be included from time to time, and now I have repaired the crop, all be it a little shorter, we must make sure there is a mirror available next time. Did not hurt indeed!

      Soon I hope.

      Hugs,

      Milady.

      Reply
  2. This:
    For me, one of the challenges is that I function under a preference for enthusiastic consent (as it should be) but fetishize non-con. In theory one would just ask your partners to talk about and describe their desires, but I’ve discovered a lot of people don’t have the vocabulary to do that- or they don’t make that sort of separation of role.

    Reply

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