I Can’t Endorse You, And The Fact That This Bothers You Is A Warning

So Montreal is very blessed with a large BDSM scene. Although clubs and dungeons come and go, based on trends and the notoriously tight wallets of the average kinky citizen, you have your pick of places to hang out.

One (well, a couple) of them keeps allowing HerrK to come to their events, a dude with a number of nasty outstanding allegations. It’s pretty well documented, from his vague apology/confession, to the 11 alleged victims that came forward that shit is fucked up. Net consequence, people, including my partner, warn their friends that he goes to stuff. And we tell organizers because it is helping them to know what’s going on. Even if you are a for profit company with the morals of a Saturday morning cartoon villain, it’s really stupid business practices because it’s a giant liability and PR stink.

As of Thursday, talking about a party being held at the club, Unity to which HerrK is going, Wildcard posts a status on fetlife, (kind of like on facebook) to note this so his friends can make up their own minds on the subject and asks he organizer for a statement via PM- warning him that HerrK is attending.

Now Wildcard and I compare notes, but generally work independently on our own moral direction on things- the organizer suggested talking to him, but knowing no fruit came with working with me (eg HerrK was still going to stuff) Wildcard declined the opportunity. The organizer had his warning already. We can’t keep telling him about stuff he was linked to and he can make up his own mind. If his 25+ years of kinky party planning tells him that this is the right call to make, so be it. He’s a free citizen.

Then the organizer puts himself as going to my 18-35 munch. I generally try to enforce the age limits, with a little wiggle room at the 36-37 side of things as people transition into wider things in the scene, so I give him a note this is not the right space for him. He insists that he, despite being a well preserved 50+, has the right to go to a public venue, etc, etc…

I repeat that it would be a shame to have to formally eject one of his tenure and status (because I mean seriously, this guy is the closest to a grandfather the scene has) and I’d rather not humiliate the veteran organizer over what might be a miscommunication when people are tired and emotional. The conversation is probably permanently severed, but I don’t know what more to tell him.

The organizer probably doesn’t like this, but the fact remains, that if you welcome people with the dreaded Allegations hanging over their head, people will be warned by their friends about the quality of the company found at your events. I am nowhere near as evangelical as Wildcard about this particular strategy (I tend to get a lot more “but it never happened to meeeee!”), but it really is very frustrating.

And I know this organizer really, really wants me to endorse the multitude of projects they work hard on. They try to involve the entire community in huge, big tent projects. That I respect except I can’t endorse an event that doesn’t meet the standards of my judgement. I’m not a complicated woman, but there are some things I can’t compromise on. I am just not that flexible.

And I’m a little nobody, toodling around with my single monthly event for the last 5 years. All I can do is tell people I personally don’t endorse this.

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10 Comments

  1. I’m very new to the scene and have never met any of the people you’ve talked about in your blog (well, maybe I was introduced to HerrK once? I can’t remember). But I noticed a new event being organized on Fetlife which seemed to have–amidst the very first group of half-a-dozen or so RSVPs–not one but two of the missing stairs you’ve talked about here. It really makes me nervous about *everyone* who was in that first group of RSVPs, not to mention the entire event itself…

    Reply
  2. concerned sub

     /  February 24, 2017

    the worst part of this continued abuser’s activity, is that he’s also now promoting his HerrK mentorship school: directly on facebook and fet.
    REALLY ???
    what the fuck!
    come learn how to abuse and manipulate
    come and trust me.

    all while some to the older members of the community, Just like the ones mentioned in this post, refuse to believe
    maybe you should seek some of the victims, ready and willing to confirm, by PM on fetlife, the forms of abuse we went through…
    maybe then they would believe.
    i sure would
    and do, when asked, confirm the abuse i was a victim of

    some are stupid enough to give me the ”oh it did not happen to meeee”
    some say thank you and promise to keep an eye open.

    Reply
  3. Concerned_Dom

     /  February 27, 2017

    the abuser is teaming up with the creep from saint jerome, now your really going to want to stay away from the urban dungeon

    Reply
    • Annie

       /  February 28, 2017

      Seriously, the ooze is concentrating? That’s just great. -_-

      Reply
    • beauTT

       /  March 1, 2017

      For your information, i am the one who had a partnership with Herr_K, but with all the information that has been brought to my attention this week our partnership will be terminated as of March 31.

      Reply
    • beauTT

       /  March 1, 2017

      You are allowed to speak your mind about the :creep: but one thing for sure is that no one is in any kind of danger when the creep is around. Safety is our number 1 priority.

      Reply
  4. concerned sub

     /  March 19, 2017

    beauTT
    de créer un nouveau compte/profil, avec un nouveau nom… ne te rends pas moins responsable.
    https://fetlife.com/users/7090743
    Mys_Urban

    c’Est toi aussi.

    Reply
    • beauTT

       /  March 22, 2017

      Le compte de beauTT est mon compte que je me sers pour Le Donjon Les Oubliettes, et le compte Mys_Urban était celle pour le Urban Dongeon. Comme tu peux voir j’ai pas peur d’utiliser mon nom. Toi parcontre je sais pas à qui je parle. Tu es fort pour juger les autres quand toi tu le fait dans l’annonymat??

      Peu importe je suis pas ici pour faire une guéguerre,

      Je te souhaite une belle et bonne journée Karmasub 🙂 till we meet 🙂

      Reply
  5. concerned sub

     /  June 8, 2017

    beauTT., avec plaisir.
    et quand on se rencontrera, je te parlerai de l’abus que j’ai subi,
    de l’abus de d’autre sub, subi par le même individu
    de mon amie, qui a été violé par ce même individu.
    des marques et cicatrice
    sans oublié le trauma, avec lequel mon Dom doit travaillé, losqu’il essai de pousser certaine limite.
    ….
    et je parle même pas des mensonges, et de la fraude.

    Reply
  6. KarmaSub

     /  July 5, 2017

    BeauTT, I’m KarmaSub, and not ”concerned sub”, who’s a friend… and another of Kommandant’s former sub/victim.

    i was just made aware of your comment here…concerning ”me”

    oh … and BTW, many of us talk …. on a frequent basis.

    so yes, i did post my message to you, on our regular communication site… and another one reposted here.

    aint that the funny part of all of this.

    me … i called you out on Fetlife… not here… sorry … wrong victim

    Reply

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