hatemail

Crazy Messages: Sessions for Salad Dressing Plz?

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Salad dressingIt’s not unusual to get unsolicted messages on fetlife, as a woman. For a background my relationship to Wildcard is featured pretty prominently, and my profile is set to events only. If I want to play with someone I prefer to initiate, but this has never deterred anyone.

Special Salad Dressing Man:

I just read your profile for the first time and found it quite interesting. I am 50 years old , a very elegant young 50, nice looking and respectful. I understand all rules I do not play publicly, only privately. I have a great track record with one particular domme in the city who right now happens to be on sabbatical. Would you be interested in talking to me to possibly interview me and see if I could serve you? You seem intelligent and are certainly lovely.

Okay, that wasn’t so bad. I’m not a pro, so this guy is barking up the wrong tree. It hasn’t crashed and burned yet… and he messages again before I even check my mail. This will become a pattern. Note bene, baby subs, do not bombard.

Special Salad Dressing Man:

And by the way I just love your pictures… they are suggestive and yet not tacky in the slightest. I also noticed that you have really really lovely hands and fingers which is somewhat of a thing for me and I should say that by extension I also adore beautiful feet.

Ooops, another message.

Special Salad Dressing Man:

Random thoughts… I have no reason to believe you would ever entertain seeing me much less talking to me especially given that my profile is so obviously better although I will only suggest in self-defense that it is strictly for discretionary purposes. I am as I said I am – very experienced and very polite and have seen who I think is probably the best domme in the city for a long long time.

And another message five minutes later. This guy is jumping in his seat.

Special Salad Dressing Man:

I noticed in your profile where it denotes the things you like… and it says that you like giving fisting which instantly created a lump in my throat!!! which of course goes back to my comment on your beautiful petite hands and fingers…

Okay, hold your horses dude.  Although someone should tell Donald Trump we found him a tiny hands fetishist.

Special Salad Dressing Man:

What is a random make-work order? I sincerely did not mean to give any offense by asking if I could serve you and yes it is premature perhaps of me to have done so but I just thought as I always do to politely ask a question and one is always free to tell me yes or no.

Ugh, time to reign this guy in. My response:

Miss Pearl:

I am at work, so my replies may be a bit succinct.

Here is the leaping off place: https://www.omisspearl.com/i-want-to-serve-miss-pear…

I am not looking for sexual service at this time. I am also not a professional- this is simply my life.

I would not be an easy or fun person to serve for most people. If you are expecting the domintarix experience this is the wrong place to look.

So with that in mind, what is you expectations for what service would involve?

And he responds instantly. He must have came with the excitement.

Special Salad Dressing Man:

To be honest I lead a traditional vanilla life and am a professional…i have played only in sessions as a sub for many years but frankly I’m a little bored and at this point I am not exactly sure what I am looking for per se or how I could maybe be of interest to you and that is as honest as I can be. I do like sessions I do like intelligence I do like creativity but more than that I would ask how would I be able to be of interest to you…

He still seems to think he can book me by the hour. The link, by the way, includes service options like “take pics of cool things you saw” or “share recipes.” He will latch onto that latter thing like a limpet.

Special Salad Dressing Man:

I read your leap off link and perhaps you might think this is funny but I think the only thing I could possibly offer you is a picture of the one and only cake I bake which happens to be phenomenal and incredibly simple! I love cooking and wine so I can offer you pictures of things I make that I usually photograph but more than that I think I would sadly be of no use to you.

No use to me? Yeah, probably, but I try to be polite and respond to every message, even it it’s with constructive criticism. I don’t mind the clinet/pro thing in the abstract, it’s just not the be all and end all of femdom. And of course before I message him again he keeps sending messages to me.

Special Salad Dressing Man:

I was not looking for any sexual services and of course having played were served for many years I know that very first rule. Having said that, if you had nice feet I would love to bring you gorgeous wine in return for being able to worship only your feet. I have very high standards in the company I keep as I suspect you do as well and so if there were anything I could do to convince you that I just might be the needle in a haystack I am ready to do so.

I assure you, he is very, very much looking for sexual services. He continues to send me new messages by way of paragraph breaks.

Special Salad Dressing Man:

As I think I mentioned, the Mistress I served is on sabbatical and so while you seem terribly nice and beautiful and intellectual and very inviting in a certain odd way even though I don’t know you, if I can’t accommodate some of your wishes would you Perhaps know of someone who is off the beaten path somewhat private excellent gorgeous and looking to have a slave serve them in session? I am quite frankly tired of all of the fake inexperienced one leg off the stripper stage Dommes who are anything but that …there is one excellent Domme in my mind in the city and she and I have a great relationship but she is on sabbatical.

 Holy shit dude. I am NOT a booking service, and believe me there is no femdom, pro or non-pro, who wants to listen to you bitch about other women. Sigh, time to set you straight.

Miss Pearl:

You need to stop using me to try to procure you a sex worker (which before you argue, is what pro domination is). That is like going on facebook and asking a random women to find you a girlfriend. Or to be more accurate, asking her to find you an escort. That is weird. O.o

If you want femdom on demand, pay the $300+ an hour for a professional who will give you your fantasy. If you message strictly lifestyle doms like me, we aren’t in it to act like femdom porn, anymore than I suspect your probable wife is the same as a vanilla porn actress.

And fucktard decides he couldn’t possibly be doing something wrong.
Special Salad Dressing Man:

So I can understand your reply and I even thank you for it however what you inferred was not my intention nor do I wish to argue the point I am sure you received so many solicitations that it would lead you to the sort of reply you furnished me with… best to you

There is no honour in herding idiots, but I am a one woman crusade for exceptional honesty.

Miss Pearl:

I will be abundantly clear, serving me is not a neat, tidy experience where you pay-to-play. Not with money, not with wine. In the unlikely event you are actually useful or entertaining to me I would consider it. But you would probably find my idea of fun unsatisfying. Consider that fair disclosure that you would never get what you wanted.

Stupidhead, of course, assumes we are now haggling. I imagine this is the best response he’s gotten in months.
Special Salad Dressing Man:

I still may be interested but perhaps you can give me a sense of what it is you would be willing to entertain and then we can either decide to move forward or not but I am interested and I am in open-minded person

He wants to know my price.

Miss Pearl:

I gave you a list.

It would be dishonest to say that I wasn’t still poking him just to see what stupid would come out next.
Special Salad Dressing Man:

I guess ‘fun’ is the operative word and certainly subjective but like I said I am open minded and I am definitely not judgemental

Ok, whatever dude. In the unlikely event the next message is a baked brie with pine nuts… eh. Whatever. I don’t buy lottery tickets but if you say things I want to hear I talk to you.
Miss Pearl:

Have fun with the list. If I see anything come of that, my consideration extends from there.

Nope, fucktard doesn’t get it. But now he wants to talk about the most personal thing he can find in my blog. He’s like an anti-pick up artist!

Special Salad Dressing Man:

If you are referring to pictures of baked goods and graphic arts services and other things on the list such as tipping as one would a street performer then I guess I would just have to say those are nice things one would do it’s not my idea of fun per se although the The locational sharing of recipes and transfer of foodie pictures is fun amongst my friends and myself and we do it often. I will say though that I had fun reading some of your writings. I even read about your estranged relationship from your mother which I have no right to comment on but I did read it

More messages. Demands now. Gotta check the teeth and kick her tires, right?

Special Salad Dressing Man:

I am quite sure you do not have any more time for me so I will just have one simple question which i will have left my imagination or perhaps you can post one…do you have nice feet …because I adore your hands 🙂

Maybe you can also tell me what is it you like most about fisting?

Note he’s back to femdoms-are-fetish machines. First he tries to buy foot “worship” with wine, but since that didn’t tempt me he’s going to try something else.

Special Salad Dressing Man:

I just read your last message and so if I send something for half interesting or a delicious recipe to your PO Box you might consider something else?

New message again, still at least five minutes apart. Wait for it…

Special Salad Dressing Man:

For example do you like salad? I might be prepared to some send you something very utilitarian that could be used every day… 🙂

Salad!

Miss Pearl:

Clearly I have horrifying bird talons hidden under my long skirts, which I use to rend people who ask for free sex chats disguised as polite inquiry into my personal life.

And he’s a liar, having just asked about fisting/feet pics.

Special Salad Dressing Man:

Once again I think you have misunderstood. I am not looking for free sex chats or even paid ones. It was simple curiosity.

Ignoring him again.

Special Salad Dressing Man:

Do you like salad?

Still ignoring. Again with the salad.

Special Salad Dressing Man:

Because what I might offer you is a 120-year-old recipe that is said to be the best anyone has ever tasted. And i do not give this out light’y.

Is it like the Neiman Marcus cookie recipe?

Special Salad Dressing Man:

And by the way I only asked you questions that you yourself had written or commented on in your profile

Ah the old “I am entitled to demand you elaborate on everything sexual because you are not in a burkah” logic.

Special Salad Dressing Man:

Like you I do not give things away for free so if you want to see something fabulous arrive in your PO Box I would have to know what “other considerations” could possibly entail and then and only then will I decide if I want to shoot first. Most sincerely.

Hey lady, I have SALAD DRESSING FOR YOU! Y U no want my salad?!

Special Salad Dressing Man:

You may be busy although I suspect you’re just generation YS and E

Generation what? Okay, nevermind, he flounces.

Special Salad Dressing Man:

Ciao

But the next day he’s back! With more salad dressing to tempt me with!

Special Salad Dressing Man:

So you want a kick ass salad dressing that will Give you culinary pleasure for the rest of your life and in return I would potentially get what 1,2, sessions with you, if that and maybe never even one, and I’m supposed to just send you the best salad dressing ever on the planet?

Ok dude, your wife is probably looking for where her salad dressing went.  Public service time.

Miss Pearl:

A) I am not for sale. I write (free!) erotic fiction, organize fetish events, etc… But I do not offer “sessions”. Sessions are a strictly professional dominatrix thing. Don’t cold call lifestyle doms for sessions, it is the kink version of trying to hire someone as a hooker on facebook.

B) The women who do sell services charge upwards of $350 an hour and are not available for salad dressing or “nice” wine. In my case the answer is no even if you busted out your checkbook and paid the market rate.

However, think I see why you are having problems finding a naturally dominant women. You treat all of us like fetish delivery services and your pretensions of luxury exceed your budget by a large margin.

I occasionally choose play partners outside of my relationship, but you have completely failed to pique my interest, despite me being incredibly patient and up front about what my interests and needs are. It is noteable how little interest you have in me as a person that you still leapt to trying to buy me, despite all the other options.

You also persisted in trying to get me to discuss thrusting my hand into your anus. Dude, I don’t know you. Just because a woman is open about her sexuality does not mean she was put on this earth for your personal titillation.

Leaving aside your obsession with treating all doms like pros, you are clearly married/sneaking about and the literal age of my father, you are tedious, needy and offer so little satisfaction to an actual “lifestyle” dom that I am confident you will never get what you are looking for.

But the last word must be had so… I should mention that while he was derping out about his SPECIAL SALAD DRESSING I was busy telling the guy who assaulted me to get bent.

Special Salad Dressing Man:

A very angry soul indeed…. how sad

After this last reply from me he blocked me, muttering something about entitled fakes.

Miss Pearl:

Aww, muffin, you think someone trying to buy a foot job with two buck chuck is in a position to be patronizing. That’s adorable!

—

Gracious he was verbose! Well, I hope he brings entertainment to all of you- some of you did ask why I was sniggering about salad. It never persists to amaze me how much guys think that a femdom is automatically A) available and B) owes them their fetishes served with a smile.

The picture was randomly selected from https://food.allwomenstalk.com/simple-salad-dressings-from-some-easy-base-recipes

Hate Mail 2016 #2- Paul Anderson, Jeremy Smith’s Twin Brother

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Oh look, we have a new message from Jeremy, this time calling themselves Paul Anderson! And boy is he mad. Having a burr in his thong, he spares no invective for a frank expression of his feelings towards me. He really, really doesn’t like femdom. This time he spared the implied rape threats (you know the kinds where they don’t say they’ll do it but if someone happened to, wouldn’t it be lovely?) but not many of his trademarks.

Can we stop confusing masculinity with misogyny? Just because you have all the femininity of and looks of a warthog and are easily intimidated by both masculine men and feminine women DOESN’T mean you have the monopoly on the truth (nor does having a pair of tits, much to the detriment of the usual “thinking”). The thought of an old skag like you in a tutu is quite vomit inducing. Femininity , REAL femininity is submissive in nature, hence all misandry ridden old cunts like you are so fucking ugly and nothing but reject fuckbags. Funny how you agree with so-called submissives about women being regarded as inferior, yet remain strangely silent about arrogant, pervert whores and wannabee’s who advocate nothing but submission/chastity for your rivals (or at least DON’T complain as vociferously and as often about those who do). If you can’t stand any aspect of the scene, stick to cookery or flower arranging. Don’t we have enough self serving,pitiful whining from you greedy fuckers in the real world about the non existent pay gaps and glass ceilings that are used to explain what in truth is just inadequacy? Yes, we do, so if you could STOP trying to pervert perversion to suit your needs and no one else’s, it would be nice. I won’t hold my breath waiting for it though.

Having decided the “Jeremy Smith” brand was tapped out, this UK based Troll decided he was deeply offended by a tweet I made, so much so to leave twitter and come foam in the comments section of my “Contact Me” page.

I’m not really sure I understand what he’s rattling on about. I mean, thirty is old enough,  if you’re a raging misogynist, which he is. Being “ugly” is a non-objective personal aesthetic preference and has little to do with anything. I can be ugly if he wants- I am not fussed.  It isn’t much of an argument, but it does follow with the pattern of his posts- that femdoms are repulsive, evil people who REALLY hate men.

But what I’m really curious about are the “arrogant, pervert whores and wannabee’s who advocate nothing but submission/chastity for your rivals” that he’s talking about. Rivals? Like rivals femdoms? It’s almost a pity that this guy only does drive bys.

Maybe he thinks my rivals are men, which is not how it works. For someone who has strong ideas about the nature of the fetish community, it’s also clear he’s never set foot in it. I’m also not sure where he’s going with the cookery-and-flower arrangement comment. It’s such a non-sequitur, particularly for a guy who just shat himself noisily in his fury to communicate that I am NOT FEMININE.

Never mind, I’ll eschew my usual habit of calling him nuts because stigmatizing the mentally ill is bad and most crazy folks can conduct themselves with dignity he lacks, but whatever his issue is, I wouldn’t say he can be described as rational.

As is the pattern for Jeremy, he believes femsubs are a thing, but cannot bend his mind around malesubs being enthusiastic or loved. He whines and carries on about how mean BDSM play is to do to a man, but never seems to stretch to understand that there are a cadre of gentlemen who would be heart broken if there weren’t commanding and sadistic types. Mostly, as is his habit, he thinks that the marketing copy of pros is how things really work and mistakes the erotica for reality.

This is what I said that got him so het up, by the way:

Now personally when I wrote the tweet I wasn’t just thinking about myself, but also the toxic assumptions that sub men are failing at their gender identity, and the way the cliches of kink writing often leave queer, non-binary and butch women out in the cold. But I guess if you have two brain cells huddling together for warmth in a howling void, it’s natural to conclude I meant that femsub was wrong.

It’s like a magic power, to be a femdom is to attract people who are deeply distressed, not specifically just that kink exists, but that a woman is perverting some natural order they need to function. If they aren’t completely dismissing your kinks as confusion on your part, you’re some sort of evil mutant.

 

Missed out on Jeremy? Here’s his last message. And his first message!

 

Reader Letters: Found Another Imbecile In The Comments!

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This person, calling themselves [email protected], as well as various trying too hard to edge aliases, decided to grace me with their startling well spelled but nonetheless incoherent messages that got stuck in the spam filter.

Here they are responding to my post on Don’t Fear the 50Shades Newbies:

They start off by quoting something I said. Okay…

“And if you try you are going to sound like a huge hipster trying to keep your exclusive hobbies from the poseurs. This also goes to people who think there is some sort of unbroken legacy that’s been handed down but will now be neglected- sorry guys, BDSM is an activity practiced in the private bedrooms of couples all around the world. You don’t get a monopoly to define and control kink and you never had one.”

And then they move into the parallel tracks of Abusive Twat Itch and Misses The Point at my use of the word “guys”.

Methinks chucklefuck doesn’t realize that “guys” is a gender neutral as well as a casual way to refer to men, because here’s where the post goes crazy whore-o-phobe, like that scene with the pea soup from the exorcist.

And, you’re trying to sound like a huge hipster by giving everyone the “lowdown” on the scene, and the impression that it’s trying to be stolen from women and couples by “guys”. I think that you’ll have a valid opinion on authentic kink and authentic sex, when you stop peddling your a)Heavily Discounted + b)Full service +rub & tug c) 15 min special / fat back-page ass to whoever has a few 20’s, or some shitty coke in their wallet. You’re a human toilet.

Wat?

But no, this churlish bladder cyst didn’t think he’d made his point. He needs he to know he’s onto my sex worker ways! He’s so ANGRY at his belief that I’m a low wage sex worker. So much so that he needs to hate read more of my work, and leave this fresh bit of nonsense as a follow up comment.

Almost everything you write, includes a claim that you’re not a sex worker. Yet, you’re a common back page whore. Who is the audience of this page that you’re trying to convince? Is it your sponsor? Hehehehe. I don’t think they would want to be associated with a an abusive piece of human garbage mascarading as a toilet for old men, would they?

Ooooh, they got *so* far into seeming like they could write coherently and then they misspelled “masquerade“. I don’t know what a mascara-ding is, but that probably has to do with eyelashes.

Asides from that, what in the ever loving fuck are they rattling on about? Sponsor? The only commercial aspects of this website are related to sex. This is a sex blog. I’m also very vocal about being a sex worker ally. I’m actually kind of curious what benighted little wanking session dragged them from their fantasy land long enough to befoul my inbox based on a post that is a few weeks shy of a full year old.

So Nischt-sie-poop-sie, good news! You’ve been nominated as the first entrant as “Our Favourite Hatemail of 2016” under the category of “Blithering Imbecile with No Contact with Reality”. 

Bets on if this is Jeremy Smith again, under a new pen name, or some other desperate for attention person?

Reader Letter: More From Crazy Jeremy!

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The guy who sent random hatemail last time appears to have become a regular fan- this time with thinly veiled rape and death threats from the comfortable anonymity of the internet, apparently after reading this scene wrap up:

(From “Jeremy Smith” or [email protected])

Subject line: What a cunt you are

Ever tried being on the receiving end of it as you say many domes do? Maybe you should be leashed just like the dog you are. Is the artists impression an accurate one? Even in a drawing, you’re better looking from the back.

Once again this poor foamy gentleman is deeply offended that I exist. By the way, that’s “Doms or Dommes” not “Domes”, Jeremy, but maybe it’s a challenge to type when your fingers are slippery with the mixture of drool, fecal matter and semen that seems to form the basis of your communication online. And yes, my dear little broccoli rot, I have have been on “the receiving end”. I know what I do feels like, in a wide capacity of what I get up to, and this is part of how I know my preferences. Also he appears greatly excited by the cartoon drawing of my ass.

Try encouraging Male Dom/female sub. Or are you one of those snotrags who tries to convey Male led D/s as domestic violence.

Why would a blog oriented around femdom focus on that? It would be like a baking blog talking about raw foods. Certainly I consider M/f a wider part of the community and you appear to be projecting some fairly serious psychological issues here. Did some social justice warrior femdom hurt your feelings some time back? It’s the second time he started whining about “Domestic Violence”. It also hints that he doesn’t read the blog and didn’t read my response last time.

As for [Your friend, who you topped with, with no identifying information, don’t worry, this creep is toothless]. The piece of shit isn’t a sick piece of shit with a name and “personality” like that? Consensual or not, the cunt is a sick piece of shit and I’D LOVE to give the whore a fucking good hiding.

Let me get this straight, you are bellowing incoherent profanity, advocating my rape and murder and implying you want to non-consensually beat women and somehow we’re the “sick” ones? Back to me now!

Why don’t sick shits like you ever get raped and murdered? Shouldn’t be a crime if it ever did to the likes of you filth.

Well, because there is such a thing like the rule of law. But more to the point you are clearly madder than a hatter and your humour value is rapidly diminishing as you go straight to advocating the death of your fellow humans. Which, you might be surprised, is actually illegal in most civilized corners of the world.

Does that club (or any other one you attend) cater to Male Dom/ female sub? Or are you just too scared and sexist to see or even acknowledge it. There’s plenty of outlets for it, both on the web and in real life, so F UCK YOU, YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT.

Yes, the club was a mixed gender party. People like yourself are not invited, and by this I mean obviously insane blithering morons. Also we see that the meat of his argument is repeated here, that he thinks my preference for femdom invalidates his for maledom. I’m pretty sure when he types out this screeds he feels deeply threatened and frightened that I will personally beat him.

But- Take That! I have been told that maledom exists! Evidently there are brave freedom fighterdoing errrmmm… just what I do but with more breast bondage/hitting and less cbt? Jeeze, Jeremy, I would have never figured that out without you!

Current evidence from other femdoms who’ve dealt with his screeching tirades, primarily through twitter but also in blog comments such as at Divorce Darling, is that his IP puts him somewhere in the UK, possibly Manchester. I’m pretty sure the language choices confirm that- he’s got that particular sort of mad British thing going on.

Obviously Jeremy Smith sounds like a pseudonym, but it’s largely irrelevant whether or not it is. He has one reason to exist and that’s to spray virtual spittle at female dominants, usually with cries of how unattractive they are (without having seen them) and the vaguely through to blantently misogynistic language of someone who is more desperately trying to hurt someone through any means possible and is trying everything to hope something sticks. According to Jeremy I am ugly, stupid and… he wishes I were a femsub.

One can infer from very much drive by comment/email behaviour that he’s not actually interested in conversing regarding his pet cause of messaging all the femdoms to shit in their inboxes. Often, in other people hate messages, he considers it a checkmate to ask if we’ve ever done this stuff as the victim, which is just confusing. Obviously the fact that there’s a guy so lost in his own madness that he thinks I need to have rape and murder wished on me (which from context he’s probably also wanking about) it’s kinda disturbing, but his ability to generate fear is hampered from his lack of specificity.

This one’s for you, Jeremy- take it way, Clever Pie!