Puzzles and Problems

It’s there, but goodness only knows where it is. No amount of standard levers will shift this particular boulder, slap him, push him, sit on him and none of these things push him there.

It’s day 3 of his visit and he’s finishing off the crunchy bakery bread toasts and fluffed up scrambled eggs I made for him. We’ve been having sex in a cycle of squirming, fucking and recovery for the last two days and I am giving my cunt a break after a combination of size and first time tension has left it a little beat up. He’s giving his cock a break, every so often checking it for bruises with the care of a man tending to horse after a hard ride.

Sex Ed does not prepare you for being slick wet with arousal and then the muscles of your cunt not wanting to yield. It doesn’t cover fucking so hard you have to take into account his equipment damage. It also doesn’t cover god damned former LEO using completely non-damaging restraint holds on you so you are forced to return to the mental drawing board.

I think he was a bit concerned that my sadism was going under but I managed to communicate it’s not about pain, it is about control. And a very specific reaction. The sexual chemistry is off the charts, nuzzling, skin and scent hungry. He watches how the lightest brush flushes my face and notes he can smell the shift in me as I crave more of him. I can feel a few little wriggles to get cozier and his cock has started to stiffen.

He goes to cutesy kiss is fingers and then put the kiss onto my lips and finds the wetness as I suck his finger into my mouth. I don’t think he realizes how sexual I am.

Lying next to him, twined up, he sees the mental calculations. He’s enjoying the novelty of a girlfriend after seven years a bachelor. Picky prince, he’s still feeling out the realness, same as me. So much you can’t say over the phone or in text. Can’t show him I can cook. Can’t show him the way his breath on my neck causes me to go into lordosis.

Can’t quantify a feeling of needing power. Brick’s been about a bit, enjoying plenty of creative nerd sex with plenty of willing women, but I don’t think he’s really dealt with my desire to have him.

Also he has no idea how to give up control. He acknowledges my dominance and finds it inherently arousing, and enjoys my cheerful willingness to expand to the limits of what strives to contain me until I stretch it into a skin in the mould of my self.

But outside that minute immediately around his orgasm he has literally no idea how to let go. I don’t think he knows how.


Goingto be interesting watching him figure this out.



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4 thoughts on “Puzzles and Problems

  1. Miss Ruffles


    It’s a tricky thing, letting go to the extent required in submission, when we are taught that so much of feeling secure is being in control. In control of finances, in control of our bodies, in control of our environment.

    It requires relearning the safety that the fortunate among us know as children, without unlearning the responsibility we have to others. It’s not dependency(ideally), but knowing without any shadow of a doubt that They can be depended on.

    The only comparison i have found that communicates the idea to those completely unfamiliar is in religion. Worship. Trust in the plan They have for you. The Buddhist enlightenment that is supposed to come from the destruction of the ego. None of that means you have to stop thinking, growing, improving. It’s just that the goal is set by Them, and it’s up to you to exemplify what They value.

    On another note, there’s absolutely nothing quite as erotic as the mutual desire expressed here.

  2. JMill

    Sooo… why is it that whenever I read your posts I immediately feel the sudden urge to pick up my guitar and crank out some 80s power ballads by Heart? Weird.

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