So, the thing about being a non-pro female dominant, especially one that’s vaguely conventionally attractive or has something approaching a civil personality, is that you are, in effect, a lot of people’s unicorn.
The problem with being a unicorn, is that it often ends up being an unlikely stand in for an actual fully fleshed out human being. For example, if you’re a femdom, some guys go their whole lives dreaming of someone just like you, while trying to convince other kinds of horse to wear a horn for them. Many of them have come to terms with the fact that they’ll probably never meet a ‘real’ femdom, and may even be convinced that the only way they’ll ever touch one is if they pay vast amounts of money to rent time with, or share her. You’re elusive, mysterious and probably, in their minds, just about mythical. They may even have their own personal beliefs that only someone who is true and pure of heart in some way can attract you, or draw your true form, where it was trapped in the body of a normal women, or come up with curious theories about your motivations and powers.
So, it’s not unusual for sub and switch identifying guys to flip their lids on meeting me. Heck, a lot of these guys, still unable to imagine having me via the limits of geography or age, seem to be brightened just knowing people like me are out there. They’ve caught a glimpse of magic, and that’s enough to help them believe. You’d think it would be endlessly great for the ego. I’m special, right?
But the flip side about that is that you meet a lot of people with big expectations for what it’s going to be like and no ability to deal with the real you. These guys basically have put so much time imagining what unicorns are like, and what they enjoy, and how to make them happy, that when one comes clopping into their reality, said unicorn can find herself simultaneously fawned on… and rejected.
You see, with no actual experience with unicorns, theses guys have done a lot of thinking and planning about what it might be like. With all those poor other horses that just couldn’t measure up, any problem that appeared was blamed on the lack of a real horn. Meanwhile their expectations for what unicorns are like has been entirely fed by art, and stories, and poems, and people who do a great job wearing the horn for love or money and know all sorts of pretty tricks. Unicorns are imagined as trip-trapping about on rainbows, milk white and glowing like the moon, magnificent, fierce and deadly. Your average random unicorn chaser is not quite ready to deal with the fact that his unicorn might in fact be a piebald hack with a pointy bit.
And if you are a femdom, that horn just grew there and it’s not like you were trying to be the Twilight Sparkle of sex on purpose. It’s not particularly magical for you- often it’s been a major draw back in relationships where the guy wanted a delicate foal to tame with tenderness or some mane tossing pony or massive and sturdy plough beast. But try as you might, that horn was always poking in ways that couldn’t be ignored- that thirst for submission demands that even a genuinely awesome vanilla boyfriend couldn’t quench it. Quite likely, you’ve tried all sorts of things, from wrapping it in a pillow to filing it down so you could be just a normal kind of horse.
But the unicorn chasers aren’t actually natural unicorn riders- the thing that you are looking for is just as much a unicorn for you. So it’s very easy to find yourself a chaser who gets desperately enamored on the spot and… fizzling out as soon as they actually realize that horns are kinda sharp and ouchy. Or who is so into the fantasy ideas that surrounded their idea of what a unicorn is, that they start dressing you up in a desperate attempt to make you fit- a little glitter here, a little hyperbolic behavioral attributions about your “piercing dominant gaze” there- and you’re left with the guy still asking you to wear a fake horn over your real one.
You also get very familiar with people who have thought long and hard about how they are going to deal with the horn, but have put no thought into the rest of the animal- for example shyly explaining that they’ll try any of the fetishes they think you have, but they can’t promise they’ll like them. They’re just stuff that they heard comes attached along with the horn- yeah, they’ll *try* strapon sex because that’s how every femdom gets her kicks and how else will they end up in women’s panties? They *suppose* they like the idea of being beaten or forced bi- it’s always been hot to masturbate to, so, yaye? You get a lot of people who think that just having a unicorn shaped hole in their life will cause you to embed, like it was a you specific vacuum.
Or they get super into it and then burn out, because they are trying to be the perfect sub… and then poof, the day in, day out aspect of living with a unicorn means that they realize that anything magical was very common place. And being a femdom, in real life, is just like being a regular kind of horse, only stabby. And sometimes you end up feeling that a lot of people would rather want a femdom unicorn they can’t have and imagine the stabbings, than deal with the inevitable hooves, tail and impalement every day.
13 thoughts on “On Being a Femdom Unicorn”
Goodness I enjoyed reading this a great deal! Hahahaha! Well said.
– The picture you used to illustrate this.
– The fact you managed to extend the metaphor all the way through the post
– That you avoided writing a ‘horny’ pun anywhere in it. I would not have possessed that degree of self control!
Thanks for the very enjoyable post.
Aw, thanks Paltego!
I’m not saying dominant women don’t have problems, I’m just saying they have “first-world problems”.
You’re right! It’s nice to have the general wealth that I actually have the time to think about being sexually and emotionally fulfilled, instead of starving to death.
Life finds a way, you shouldn’t be shaming them for reaching out to what’s available to them.
Who is being shamed?
With a name like mine I kind of have to love that quote, but aside from that your metaphor is fantastic. I’m really not that different from any other woman, there’s just this one thing about me that’s honestly kind of inconvenient.
Musing here…there might be a lot of sub men out there, but there certainly don’t seem to be a lot of sub men looking for relationships. When I put up my ads describing the kind of relationship I’m looking for, including him submitting to me binding him and using him and possibly hurting him and him loving it, I got very few responses at all, and almost all that I got are ‘if you want to use me while you wait for your LTR, please let me know’. I don’t object to that response (I find it honest and respectful), but it’s not what I’m looking for.
Basically, responses to my ads haven’t made me feel anything like a unicorn! I’m not good-looking — maybe that’s it.
And then there are the men who write profiles so full of their fantasies that I can’t imagine where they would have room for the actual real me.
In summary, looking for someone to date is tedious!
I hear you! I’m just looking for a long term play partner since I already have a (not so kinky) long term relationship, and as time goes by I get angrier and angrier about the idea that there are tons of submissive men for every dominant woman. If there were that many submissive men out there, I would already have found one who had halfways compatible kinks and – here’s the real stumbling block – who was willing to treat me like a person.
Looking for someone really is tedious 🙁
Really enjoyed reading this – it’s a perspective I wouldn’t even have thought about
Hi Ms. Pearl. Another great post! Like Paltego I really liked the fact that you kept the analogy going all the way through! Also that you refrained from using the inevitable “horny” pun that really was low hanging fruit.. I will keep my post short since my last one was practically a book. I just wanted to say that yes I have heard male subs refer to lifestyle female dominants as “unicorns”. That is actually a thing.
Very well said. The life of a unicorn is lonely and discouraging.