19 Replies To Every Online Femdom Discussion Ever

thump1) Femdom? Okay, I want to get into this, can you dominate me over skype? Please?! MISTRESS SLAV ME NAOW

2) Well, its not the natural order of things- everyone knows women are inherently submissive, that’s how heterosexuality works. I guess some women don’t like sex though.

3) I believe in teh superior female and men are made to worship because they are inferior because thinking this about all women everywhere makes my pants tight. All women are goddesses.

4) There is no such thing as a real female dominant. Believe me, I’ve looked, all there are is women who are paid to do it or do it for attention and they are all fat and ugly or insane money grubbing whores who won’t do the highly specific thing that gets me off. I don’t understand it, why can’t I get a femdom to notice me?

5) All female dominants are at least switches. Its a fact, you know. Just like all the bi lesbians.

6) Feisty! I like that… ever considered subbing? I promise I won’t tell.

7) You can’t make me/a real man submit because he would just beat you. What if someone raped you, where would all your precious dominance be then? Male dom doesn’t actually involve consent, its based on the real thrill of domestic violence, which is how our ancestors lived.

8) For the love of GOD dominate me now. At least frown disapprovingly?

9) I’m usually a dominant but I thought I wanted to try switching. So when do you want to do it?

10) You mentioned you were into X kink. I am also into X kink. Despite the fact that you are in a relationship and I am in a completely different country, do you think we could do our fetish together?

11) Let me tell you, as a domme, all male subs are disrespectful horny morons! It totally hasn’t occurred to me that the guys who read my posts are not the same guys who are in my inbox, so fuck all of you guys.

12) I love being pampered by my clien… I mean slave boys and am always looking to add to my stable if you are worthy and generous. If you think you have the budget, I have poor quality pictures of my feet in my profile and message me at cashnowpiggy@unprofessional.com No, I’m not a pro! True dominants deserve being pampered. My time is valuable so money!

13) Why are all you dominants so fucking old? How DARE you be over the age of 35? My penis demands a nubile dominant.

14) Do female dominants like men who wear dresses? Okay, red heads? Do they like left handed men? Err.. reassure me that you might find me attractive please.

15) Worthless worm here who just copy pasted my 1000 word profile!

16) Femdom is a solution to my social anxiety, right? If she just does all the work it’ll be perfect.

17) Do you believe, like me, that all men should be taught to submit? This would clearly end all gender imbalance problems over night.

18) I have an online femdom relationship where she collared me. But its been over a month since she messaged me, how do I show her I’m a true slave and ready to take it to the next level?

19) My husband doesn’t want to have penetrative intercourse anymore, as he says it’s not properly submissive to me. If I miss dick does that make me not a real femdom? I’m trying really hard to do this right.

9 Reasons to Block and Delete a Sub Sending You a Message

letter2Female dominants get messages, partnered or unpartnered, searching or trying to hide. In honour of the recent batch of crazy letters and threats, I’ve created a quick guide for new femdoms for signs you should save yourself the trouble and delete the message now. If any of these nine behaviors have come up in the guy’s efforts to talk to me, I’ve never found any good was going to come out of the interaction.

1) Tries to rapidly escalate or control the conversation medium. If you’re on a dating site, they try to push for an in person meeting immediately. If you’re online, they try to get you to give them more contact information right away or keep pushing to switch to another medium, eg going from email to chat, or guessing at your geographic location (such as “did I see you on X street?”)

Why this is bad: Taking the time to feel comfortable is important when you’re getting to know new people, among many things because it lets you figure out who they are on your own terms. Someone who pushes you this way doesn’t care about this and may even want you to disregard something about them you would pick up on if you took your time.

2) Instantly appears enamored of you and/or tries to force a D/s dynamic right away. They greet you with loud and hyperbolic praises, more so than simply a polite, respectful compliment or two – or they start trying to sub to you right off the bat. Alternatively, within a handful of messages you are, according to them, the best person they have ever met.

Why this is bad: An actual attachment to someone takes knowing them – anything else is fantasy they’ve created in their heads. The problem with being put on a pedestal this way is that if you do anything to topple off your perch, you are put at risk for them not being able to handle reality.

3) Only seems to know about femdom from porn. They have a particular, rigid understanding of roles and relationships and seem startled when anything deviates from their script. For example, they don’t seem to know negotiated limits are a thing or think dominants and subs are a special class of people under different rules than everyone else.

Why this is bad: If we were a few decades ago, the lack of material available would make this attitude slightly more forgivable. These days, the sheer wealth of knowledge presented to the newly self identified as kinked means that anyone with an internet connection can find scads of teaching resources. Therefore it shows a disproportionate willingness to let what they want to be true be the case, and more to the point, they’ve absolved responsibility for themselves.

4) Instant or whirlwind courtship commitment. From the word go they are already sure you are the one. They will relocate, marry you, whatever. Their heart is, according to them, true, and belongs only to you. This is probably combined with #2 – in their eyes you are the best and most beautiful and they want your collar NOW.

Why this is bad: Once again, this person is chasing a feeling more than trying to have a meaningful, nuanced relationship. This also tends to be a pattern in people with personality disorders- super epic passion followed by a crash when they stop being able to sustain things.

5) Claims they “read all your profile” or writing, but can’t answer simple questions about it, or takes and approach counter to what you’ve written about yourself and your preferences. You say you want a poly relationship and they talk about monogamy. You say you are a down to earth tomboy and they talk about how feminine you are. You say you hate being called titles and they open with ‘Mistress’.

Why this is bad: Being forced into being a fantasy prop is a perennial problem for femdoms, and also this sort of nonsense is proof of the person’s willingness to lie to you from the start, instead of saying “I liked what I read so far”.

6) You have a really bad feeling about this. Something feels off, but you can’t put your finger on it and you feel bad about not giving them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they are just awkward or have a socialization disorder?

Why this is bad: Trust your gut. Women, in particular, are taught to disregard symptoms of dislike and make nice and forgive. Protect yourself. Even if you feel like a meanie – adults with social problems aren’t automatically allowed to put you at risk by trying to be open minded and most actually awkward people are balls of blushing apologies, not the type of people who make you feel itchy under your skin.

7) They have nothing nice to say about other people. All the other femdoms were findoms or fakes. They were crazy or ugly. You’re different of course! Not like their bitch ex- or their wife who’s a prude, their abusive parents or shitty boss.

Why this is bad: Everyone knows some bad people in their life, but if all the people they know are horrible by their description it’s statistically more probable they are the problem. and cross them and you will be just another fake who hurt them, according to what they tell the next woman.

8) They start telling you what to do, or expressing really strong preferences about other people or you. Maybe it’s phrased as introducing themselves, but they want to make sure you know that they like a particular thing, for example they start worrying about you getting fat or thin, they make appearance based suggestions or offer unsolicited critiques.

Why this is bad: This person is a controlling jerk who thinks they are just being honest. they won’t care about you except such that they can cram you into the shape they wish you were.

9) They want to talk about what gets them or you off in detail right away. You get asked to describe scenarios, share your fantasies, or they just won’t STFU about co-eds in ballet flats or busty trans leatherwomen.

Why this is bad: Wanker! This person is going to try to use you to titillate them. If their fantasy talk is all you want, good, but don’t expect things to get better or to focus on anything other than immediate gratification.

With this sort of winnowing in mind, consider it a chance to save your valuable time for only the worthwhile people. And remember, you don’t owe anyone a chance more than you deserve to feel safe.

What did I miss? What are your favourite signs that things just not going to go well?

8 Things You Could Be Doing To Help Find A Femdom

Did you try checking behind the curtain?One of the first questions people ask after realizing that they have submissive fantasies is how they can find a femdom. The standard advice, which nobody can escape, is that you’ve got to meet a lot of people until something clicks.

On the other hand, if you’ve been looking for a while and nothing’s working, here’s 8 basic tips for increasing the chance of meeting your match as well as what to do now to help make it work better when you do find her. Because there’s no sense in self sabotage or ineffective effort.

Can’t find a femdom? Are you doing these eight things?

  1. Participate in your local and/or online BDSM community. Thanks to the magic of the internet, even if you live in a tiny country with a small, conservative population, chances are there are at least an online community in your area devoted to kink. The reason why you should do this is because at the very least you won’t feel completely by yourself, and when you do find the femdom of your dreams, you will sound more sane and knowledgeable. BDSM is a very simple thing that a lot of people make overly complicated, and hearing from other kinksters will also give you more of a sense of what’s out there- as well as what to avoid.
  2. Talk to all the people, not just the dominants. If you use kinky communities to just try to talk to only what seems to be femdoms, you are not only missing out on some interesting people, but you are missing out on the hidden pool of kinksters, tops, switches and so on. Even just making friends, it also helps because even if you don’t meet someone directly, other people may introduce you to them based on “X seems cool!”. Meanwhile, if you only try to date openly kinked, you exclude all the women with the potential to rock your submissive socks who don’t currently have the vocabulary to describe what you both like. All these people you are ignoring by only pursuing obvious dominant  women *might* actually be into what you are looking for, and treating it like a numbers game and trying to enjoy the socializing for its own sake will make you calmer than if you hold out for Miss Perfect Domina Pants and ignore Suzy Switch, Katy Kinkster and Vanessa Not As Vanilla As She Seems.
  3. Define what you are looking for in a D/s relationship beyond generic labels. Do not rely on simply looking for someone who identifies as a dominant or expect everyone to know what you mean as far as kinks, when you call yourself a submissive. One of the biggest problems people deal with when looking for a femdom is that they tend to think of the role as being universal- with every relationship looking like the ones they imagine in their head. When you do find a femdom, you should not make the mistake of assuming just because someone is dominant they want to do everything you want. Similarly, it’s a lot easier to get some casual experience with various things like impact play if you don’t just tell people “I wanna be a sub” but you focus on things like “I want to know if I enjoy spanking for real as much as I imagine I do.”
  4. Make your online profiles about you. When you’re writing profiles or otherwise have a chance to present yourself as a potential sub, think in terms of the text on the back of a book. A good blurb tells you what the book is about. It does not tell you about the sort of customer the publisher wishes would buy the book. It doesn’t tell you the scenario they envisage you reading the book in. Similarly if you simply describe the sort of dom you want to meet or just focus on sexy suggestions that gives potential doms nothing to work with. Meanwhile your main profile photo is the cover on a book- stolen porn is like a generic stock art cover that gives the reader little information.
  5. Don’t wait to meet a femdom to start exploring. A lot of newly self identified subs think the first step is finding a dom to show them the literal ropes. Even if your very important celebrity-political-childcare-job keeps you from active BDSM scene participation, you should take the time to learn more about kink safety. It’ll also help you to know what to ask for and what to expect- and don’t forget that not all dominants are super experienced- many doms benefit from a partner who lets them practice and are nervous about being asked to be super experts.
  6. Take the time to work on yourself as a person. Plenty of guides to new subs tell you to meet minimal grooming standards and so forth, but you probably don’t need to be told to shower or wear pants. However, beyond the basics, when you finally do find a femdom, you’ll be able to build a relationship with a more solid foundation if you take the time to look after yourself first. Whether tamping down those pesky anxieties that plague all of us, or loving yourself enough to invest in achieving your other goals, you’ll be a much happier person, which will make you more inherently attractive to others. Come on, you deserve it. Even if all you want to be is property, you’re valuable property.
  7. Focus on people who are compatible with your entire life, not just your kinks. A lot of people forget that the bedroom is only one part of an entire relationship- even if you have sex every day that’s only about one hour out of 24 and you still need to have something to talk about beyond BDSM and how hot she is. You can afford and deserve to be picky, and generally you’ll be a lot happier with someone you connect with than someone who is your perfect kink match on paper.
  8. Work on smaller goals, not bigger goals. A huge mistake a lot of sub guys make is going from fantasy to trying to end up own, collared and buried in intense commitment. While you shouldn’t message random women looking for a flogging on demand, going in the opposite direction and seeking immediate extreme commitment is like being the stereotypical crazy person who tells you the names of the kids you will have on your first date. Look for having short term fun with people who deserve your respect- you are auditioning partners as much as they are auditioning you.

14 Over Used Topics On BDSM Forums

Redundancy-A-564x376While BDSM forums often provide a great way to talk to other kinky people and get a reality check or a sympathetic ear to your kinky interests and queries, you know you have encountered these conversations before. Whether it’s fetlife, /r/BDSMcommunity, the bright young things on 4chan’s d board, an international non-english community, or some other hidden pocket of kinky folk, everyone’s participated in them at least once and many of these are not inherently terrible until you’ve discussed them for the fifth or sixth time.

  1. Why are all the sub men entitled perverts/the dom women money grubbing scammers? Also:There are no dominant women in my large metropolitan area who are not professionals. Where do the REAL femdom enthusiasts hang out and why do they seem to find that attitude repulsive?
  2. Please validate that my status as a submissive means that I should be mad at my dom for failing to bend over backwards and give me what I wanted because my inherently fragile submissive self will asplode if I don’t get a bedtime story/symbolic reassurance on demand/fetish activity whenever I want.
  3. My LDR & internet only partner just ghosted. I am incredibly torn up that I no longer have an emotionally intense skype relationship with someone so many timezones away they may actually be sleeping.
  4. Feminism is making it hard to live as a submissive woman. A movement largely built on respecting the free choice of one gender to live as the choose is clearly preventing me from expressing myself because it stops other women from being subjugated and ruins my natural order fantasies because I think that somehow people turning a blind eye to abusive relationships is the same thing as consensual kink. Also I met a judgy feminist once who said mean things about housewives.
  5. DAE think submissive men should automatically somehow compensate dominant women from interacting with them regardless of whether or not said woman is a sex worker or the kinks being explored are findom/service, because that’s just what all femdoms want?
  6. Are you actually… allowed to be in love in a D/s relationship? Like, am I less of a dominant for not holding my sub away from me with detached firmness? I’m a bad sub for wishing the dom I’ve fallen in love with would love me back?
  7. I am a submissive with knee problems. Does my inability to kneel mean that I am less of a sub, according to a rigidly defined framework with its origins in pornography?
  8. Long, multi-thread discussion about gross misconduct and consent violations that fail to mention anyone, even by pseudonym and rely on whisper judgement, still falling into the trap of allowing serious illegality to be dismissed as “scene drama” while clinging to the value of the court of public opinion.
  9. I just broke up with my first kinky partner and I can’t conceive of ever getting the sex I like again because this was so serendipitous. Do other kinky people exist or am I doomed to never know love like this again?
  10. How do I deal with the fact that I am in a serious relationship with a vanilla person who doesn’t have any interest in anything to do with my sexuality, without breaking up with them or receiving any sort of compromise on their part? They may not know I’m kinked.
  11. [Detail scant personal ad that’s been inappropriately posted against forum rules (and probably posted in an international group to boot) to demonstrate naivety and complete lack of reading comprehension, because spamming is attractive]
  12. Only the way I express my kinks is right. Let’s have a lengthy, tone deaf argument on why a particular choice of actions makes you a nutcase, insensitive to people who are not involved in your personal life in any way or a poseur who lacks a true kinky flair.
  13. On second thought, let’s have a tone deaf, completely non-kinky discussion on some unpleasant issue like fat shaming, gender, why any modern progressive movement is icky and excessive, or someone’s pet conservative cause, enhanced by the fact that some poor person with serious mental health impairments is weighted equally and debated with the same vigour as someone with a less loose grip on reality.
  14. My new explorations of kink are MAGICAL. I think I just came unicorns out my ears.

That’s my pet peeves, what are yours?

33 Things Every Submissive Man Should Know

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    1) We are people too, and all the vanilla courtesies still apply. For you as well as me.

2) Don’t fawn all over us; you will sound like a tool. Don’t call us “Mistress“, “Goddess” or “Lady” unless we tell you to. Don’t try to act like our sub without our consent- anymore than you’d act like a woman’s boyfriend without her say so. We shouldn’t try to pull rank on you either, just ‘cuz. Don’t put up with that shit.

3) That hand kissing thing doesn’t make you a subservient old school gentleman, it makes you a show boater.

4) Your fetishes, needs and desires matter. They are not, however, my problem until I choose to make them my problem by getting into a relationship with you or choosing to address them when we play, and probably anything we do will be a mutually complimentary fusion of both our desires- don’t stand for a relationship where your needs aren’t being met- it doesn’t make you a True Submissive, it makes you a martyr.

5) Getting flogged, spanked, dressed in lingerie, or pretty much all your fetishes are intimate acts, even if they don’t involve your penis. They are therefore as intimate and personal as asking for sex. Govern yourself accordingly.

6) For the love of all that is holy, stop offering me acts of service unless they are your fetish, or I specifically say I want them, and even more so, stop trying to trade acts of service for acts of kink. A house cleaner makes way less per hour than a pro-dom.

7) Not all female dominants are professionals. Not all women are comfortable with you buying them stuff. In fact, if you want to buy them stuff, you still shouldn’t lead with your wallet because we will think you think your money has power over us.

8) Your submissive desires do not define you. They are part of who you are, but not the entirety of who you are, and a dom’s long term interest in you will probably have a lot more to do with the whole person than you being a sub. Also the type of submissive you are is informed by the rest of your personality.

9) Women who demand tribute to talk to you or to prove your seriousness are scammers or naive. Professionals who stay in the business will be trading a real service for money, and will be as explicit and up front about what they do to the extent that the local laws governing solicitation let them. Women who ask for money to dom you are professionals, regardless of skill or sanity.

10) You are no more or less valuable or worthy as a person because you are a male submissive. You are not doomed to only getting your kinks met if you hire a professional. You are not unattractive to all women, even the doms.

11) We probably like looking good and being fantastic as much as the next person, but we can’t sustain a conversation based on how awesome we are. It’s either trying to force a worship dynamic on us, we will perceive it as you discussing your turn ons, or typical human modesty will cause us to blush and deny. Use compliments like pepper with new people- sparingly applied where suited.

12) On the flip side, working on being more hot can’t really hurt your chances, particularly if you want a ‘hot’ dominant woman. Make sure your hair is groomed and flattering, your clothes fit and you otherwise take advantage of the best tools available to your regardless of your subculture memberships. Humans are shallow.

 13) Do not underestimate the ability of supposedly vanilla women to surprise you- not all doms hide out in BDSM environments. But, likewise don’t mash a square peg into a round hole. Your ability to convince a woman is related to your ability to make it seem sexy and inviting, and not like a chore she’s doing for you.

14) When you do hook up, don’t deliberately disobey and do a shitty job of things because you think that’s the only way to get beaten/punished. Make a clear distinction with your dom regarding your needs- if she really cared about what she told you to do she will not want to reward you with your fetish when you fail to do it.

15) You may not meet your true love at a munch, but you probably will meet other kinky people on the same page as you. I can’t promise that you will make friends because you might be shy and socially incompetent, but I can promise if you want a relationship you will have to talk to people somewhere. At least all the people attending should be soem sort of kinky.

16) Not all doms are sadomasochists. Not all doms don’t know not all subs are not sadomasochists. Try to talk about stuff- you don’t have to be pushy to say that you don’t know if you will enjoy being spanked or not.

17) If you tell us that you need 300 levels of secrecy because of your Very Public Job, and you’re not a minor celebrity or living in a small conservative town of gossips, we are going to think you are married. Likewise, ‘discreet‘ is code word for ‘cheater‘.

18) Your wife might not understand you, but we know even if you are awesome, at best you’re going to break our heart  when you try to shield us from some other thing you think we can’t handle, just like her.

19) Safewords are so you can say “no!” and have her ignore it. Ignoring a safeword, on the other hand, is bad news. Discuss in advance what it means to you and do not assume. Hell, never, ever assume.

20) If you act like every female dominant you meet is the last lifeboat off the Titanic or your only chance at a relationship, we are going to run away, because it will make you behave like a nut job. And you will get taken advantage of because you are desperate.

21) If you expect every female dominant to come fully equip with gear, whip skill and a private dungeon, you will be sad. If you expect them to look better than the normal range of attractiveness you will also be sad. If you try to buy us all the accoutrements to turn us into your idealized dom, you will probably also be sad and we will be grumpy because you think we are some sort of fetish paper doll and now our spare bedroom is full of your shit.

22) Courtship overtures that start with a positive comparison of us compared with all other doms, such as that we are prettier, saner, smarter, etc… do not go as well as you think they will. Keep in mind that it is all too easy to project your ideals onto strangers and it’s going to be very awkward if you praise her for something that is not the case.

23) We can’t despise you if we want you to be our sub. We can pretend. We can say all sorts of mean things. But only an emotional masochist will get into a relationship with someone who really makes their skin crawl or really is unsatisfying company.

24) Your penis size is less important than you seem to think. Don’t get me wrong, some of us care- and a lot of us will wanna see, but later and well photographed.

25) This isn’t grindr, so you can’t seduce women with a lousy picture of your anus. Similarly an online persona laced with overtly sexual pictures and stolen porn will make you look only down to fuck.

26) Don’t tell us how our gender or ethnicity makes us naturally dominant. Also, vanilla tip, praising our looks based on ethnicity is going to get frowns. Especially if you get it wrong.

27) Don’t tell us certain sex acts aren’t ‘dominant’ or worry about how subs aren’t supposed to want certain things. You don’t have to be into penetration, but that’s not because you are a sub, but because that’s your preference. Also, accept that satisfying your partner as a sub may mean doing what she wants, not what you wish she wanted. If she wants her tits slapped during sex, she wants her tits slapped. Likewise if you still like blowjobs, you still like blowjobs.

28) On the flip side, pegging, cross dressing, etc… are not inherently submissive. ‘Serve’ is not synonymous with ‘kinky sex act’. Not all doms will do or want to do your fetish. Unfortunately porn files things in clusters, but those clusters don’t always reflect real life. If you just want it up the butt, you don’t need to call a woman ‘Mistress’.

29) You are allowed to have limits. It is not your dom’s job to ‘push’ or ‘expand’ your limits unless you both think that idea of that is sexy. Porn sites like kink.com use that as a cheap trick to make their sex seem more intense and scary.

30) Switches are not inferior dominants or lousy subs. Not all switches are on/off style either- so their desires may be more of a dimmer than a radio button.

31) Don’t trash talk other subs or try to pull rank based on how you are “alpha” or “a true submissive”. Doms don’t like it when you tell us what we want, and you don’t know what we want until you get to know us. Your ranking system is merely self labelling.

32) Target sanely. All your service sub studying in giving manicures and tending to high heels will baffle a gender queer dom women who just wants a nice service sub to help her/them with carpentry projects. Prep is not bad, but there’s no magic bullet and what you did to prepare for us will inform us of who you think we are.

33) Dominant women can be insecure, sad, clueless, make mistakes, need snuggles, love you, have terrible taste in media, get horribly infected ingrown toenails, have body image issues, question their sexuality and self esteem and at the end of the day are just as lost, clueless and fumbling around as you.

(There you go, 33 heteronormative things for F/m minded submissive hopefuls to improve their chance of happiness. – Oh goodness, this list has gotten popular!)

5 More Submissive Acts Nobody Masturbates To

Transit Pass Renewal – One part service, one part financial domination, send your sub to get the new pass on the first of the month to maximize time wasted in line behind that one person who can’t remember which pocket their credit cards are in. Especially in cities like Toronto, where a pure daily work commute can actually cost less if you don’t buy a pass, let the massive price make the hapless victim feel truly used in ways that even grabbing your rent and starbucks tab doesn’t make them sink to.

Elbow & Knee Pampering – Sure plenty of people will do it, but nobody waxes lyrical about a lady’s limb joints the way you can guarantee someone will stampede if you ask for a manicure or a foot massage. Somehow knobbly and pointy, especially made dry and scaly by the winter lack of humidity, are so far down on the fetish list that nobody offers this, ever.

Sock Darning – Once given to my paternal grandmother as a suggestion of what she should be doing instead of trying to find a job outside the home, make male subs of a certain age feel less than a man while getting more life out of your extra thick winter wool socks.

Horrible Holiday Sweater Wearing – If that’s a sub in a long term relationship, show who is boss in the relationship and deal with the awkward family gift of the novelty sweater by letting them wear it to please the giver at your next family function. For extra humiliation, tell everyone that (s)he loves the sweater so much that they stole it off you, guaranteeing as your family learns to love them, they’ll soon get inundated with sweaters of their own. This can backfire if said relative decides to go for his/hers (or his/his or hers/hers) matching sweaters next year, but then there’s always skants.

Non-Consensual Gender Discrimination – Again for the male sub into humiliation and forced femme, rather than wasting time calling them a sissy and pulling out the lingerie and heels, let them experience true humiliation by engaging in all the subtle ways sexism manifests today. Offer them less pay but fire them for consulting with people over salary. Flatter them by saying they’re naturally good at all the shit jobs, and being protected from the really ‘hard’ ones. Pass them over for promotions with the explanation that they might be unreliable baby makers, and its nothing personal, just sound business. Accuse them of being crazy, emotional or overly aggressive when they assert themselves, and of course if this annoys them, be sure to invalidate their feelings with a sarcastic inquiry into the subject of their menstrual cycle while suggesting they are master emotional manipulators who can escape traffic tickets by being their sad sissy selves.