14 Over Used Topics On BDSM Forums

Redundancy-A-564x376While BDSM forums often provide a great way to talk to other kinky people and get a reality check or a sympathetic ear to your kinky interests and queries, you know you have encountered these conversations before. Whether it’s fetlife, /r/BDSMcommunity, the bright young things on 4chan’s d board, an international non-english community, or some other hidden pocket of kinky folk, everyone’s participated in them at least once and many of these are not inherently terrible until you’ve discussed them for the fifth or sixth time.

  1. Why are all the sub men entitled perverts/the dom women money grubbing scammers? Also:There are no dominant women in my large metropolitan area who are not professionals. Where do the REAL femdom enthusiasts hang out and why do they seem to find that attitude repulsive?
  2. Please validate that my status as a submissive means that I should be mad at my dom for failing to bend over backwards and give me what I wanted because my inherently fragile submissive self will asplode if I don’t get a bedtime story/symbolic reassurance on demand/fetish activity whenever I want.
  3. My LDR & internet only partner just ghosted. I am incredibly torn up that I no longer have an emotionally intense skype relationship with someone so many timezones away they may actually be sleeping.
  4. Feminism is making it hard to live as a submissive woman. A movement largely built on respecting the free choice of one gender to live as the choose is clearly preventing me from expressing myself because it stops other women from being subjugated and ruins my natural order fantasies because I think that somehow people turning a blind eye to abusive relationships is the same thing as consensual kink. Also I met a judgy feminist once who said mean things about housewives.
  5. DAE think submissive men should automatically somehow compensate dominant women from interacting with them regardless of whether or not said woman is a sex worker or the kinks being explored are findom/service, because that’s just what all femdoms want?
  6. Are you actually… allowed to be in love in a D/s relationship? Like, am I less of a dominant for not holding my sub away from me with detached firmness? I’m a bad sub for wishing the dom I’ve fallen in love with would love me back?
  7. I am a submissive with knee problems. Does my inability to kneel mean that I am less of a sub, according to a rigidly defined framework with its origins in pornography?
  8. Long, multi-thread discussion about gross misconduct and consent violations that fail to mention anyone, even by pseudonym and rely on whisper judgement, still falling into the trap of allowing serious illegality to be dismissed as “scene drama” while clinging to the value of the court of public opinion.
  9. I just broke up with my first kinky partner and I can’t conceive of ever getting the sex I like again because this was so serendipitous. Do other kinky people exist or am I doomed to never know love like this again?
  10. How do I deal with the fact that I am in a serious relationship with a vanilla person who doesn’t have any interest in anything to do with my sexuality, without breaking up with them or receiving any sort of compromise on their part? They may not know I’m kinked.
  11. [Detail scant personal ad that’s been inappropriately posted against forum rules (and probably posted in an international group to boot) to demonstrate naivety and complete lack of reading comprehension, because spamming is attractive]
  12. Only the way I express my kinks is right. Let’s have a lengthy, tone deaf argument on why a particular choice of actions makes you a nutcase, insensitive to people who are not involved in your personal life in any way or a poseur who lacks a true kinky flair.
  13. On second thought, let’s have a tone deaf, completely non-kinky discussion on some unpleasant issue like fat shaming, gender, why any modern progressive movement is icky and excessive, or someone’s pet conservative cause, enhanced by the fact that some poor person with serious mental health impairments is weighted equally and debated with the same vigour as someone with a less loose grip on reality.
  14. My new explorations of kink are MAGICAL. I think I just came unicorns out my ears.

That’s my pet peeves, what are yours?