Eustratia Latex Stockings Review

latex stockings review eustratia header image
I do my own stunts

The saga of this latex stockings review is one of a few bumps and hiccups, but ultimately a lovely product. I won’t bury the lede, this is one of my favorite items in my growing fetish wardrobe. However these full length latex stockings, lovely or not, were also a measure of the maker’s customer service as well as their skill in rubber tailoring.

Eustratia, the Latex Designer

As a UK based fashion house, Eustratia exclusively sells on etsy and at time of writing, does not seem to have their own store front. Their designs are unique, particularly in their use of pressed lace and mesh into the rubber. That’s well beyond my budget at this time (T_T) but like nothing else I can find on the market. For the most part Eustratia looks like a one person show with maybe some background help, and she is very clear this is a labour of love and not priced anything close to the high quality. But does she live up to her own mandate?

The Latex Stockings, Themselves

Nahm

These stockings were my second latex purchase after that Polymorphe blue hoodie dress I had been coveting for about half a decade. The stockings are that colour we used to call transparent “nude” until it occurred to the general public that not everyone is a creamy sort of buff. I’d describe the tint as reminding me of how I take my tea, or a latte, if you are not an abomination to normal tea drinkers like me.

When I bought them, I opted to get them cut to my exact measurements. I also added a little plastic rib in the band at no extra charge, to makes them “stay ups”.

Since buying these, I’ve also tried stockings by Cathouse Clothing and Libidex. From a cut perspective these are superior, both in my opinion of the shaping to my leg and the aesthetic placement of the seams. That latter part was actually a significant part of my attraction to them. Although I make no secret about my stocking fetish, I also prefer to work with the materials I wear, not against it. Most designers seem to try to mimic the more traditional back seam look of old fashioned nylons. To be honest, when you are already forcing something that barely qualifies as wearable into clothes, trying to copy conceits to material in the original garment being imitated can feel like buying leggings with fake pockets and jeans rivets printed on them. Eustratia approaches latex with an understanding and appreciation of the material.

I don’t think it would be fair to make a perfect “fit” comparison, because the other two designers were off the rack, and this was tailored. I can say if you can afford to get your latex tailored and you are either athletic, or like me, curvy, do so.

The most important question to ask is if they feel good and flatter me.

latex stockings pretty posing
Also that bodysuit is wonderful

Subjectively, I think I look amazing. That’s me modeling them in the images, in all my squishy glory. As a femdom they also fill the secondary goal of reducing my property to that state he had coined as “put my mouth on it” level desire.

These stockings are a dream to get on, giving that silky second skin feeling. I only need a whisper of powder to get them on and no silicone self greasing needed. They have discreet venting via tiny holes on the seams at the feet, so no unwanted balloon toes. Custom measure points at different areas at the leg means that I don’t have particularly bad puffy thigh spill over problems. Being able to select shoe size avoids the classic trouble I have fitting my giant (size 9-10 US!) feet into something designed for the small and dainty.

The little plastic ribs do a good job of keeping them up, as does the natural grip of latex. Rolling is minimal, although you do need to settle the rib just so as it can stab you a bit. That’s an easy adjustment, and the effect is worth the extra bother. They shine up nicely, and if you wear them for an hour or so, they remain reasonably comfortable.

Small Caveats

If I were to nit pick I need to dig very hard. The only thing I noticed was different was a tiny amount of stray glue at the clearly carefully hand done seams. After one wearing that rubbed away. Natural, hand made crafts are going to have handmade hints. The much more significant problem that after their first wearing, both latex stockings developed the worst nightmare of any fetishist- small cracks. (!!!) However, when you work with a custom made product, how they handle a problem is, in my opinion, as much a measure of the quality of what you get, as when everything goes smoothly.

The Mishap (And What Happened)

When I bought them, it was just as the pandemic was kicking off. This in no way impacted the promised shipping times, and after a preliminary inspection in May 2020, they were a secret bit of fun at a park picnic. However, after taking them off (June 2020), I quickly discovered cracking at both feet. At first, as a latex noob, I was concerned I somehow damaged them, but inspecting my shoes showed nothing they could have rubbed or snagged on. Consulting with people with significantly more experience than me, we determined this was a materials fault.

Eustratia was very responsive on etsy, and quick to come up with the easiest solutions for international repair. That’s good to know if you have something that gets damaged from normal wear and tear! In my case, when I discussed my concerns with materials, she suggested mailing them back for her to inspect them. At a very nerve wracking postal experience (for some reason tracking them there cost almost as much as the stockings themselves, so I opted untracked), the maker let me know they arrived and were in queue.

I held off on my latex stockings review pending the actual outcome of this. That meant both anxiously waiting for pandemic level postal service to get them to her, and waiting for all the supplier delays and ship back time until I could get my replacement.

Better with Round 2?

latex stockings review
I feel pretty, and witty and bright…

I received the new stockings in January 2021, from a completely different European country, but no less neatly and prettily packaged and prepared with exactly the same care and love as the first parcel I received. These got their test and photo shoot, and I’m now extremely happy.

In a perfect world, there never would have been need for repair or replacement. However, given the cost, Eustratia basically ate it on labour and return shipping (replete with tracking!). Further, when you are making smaller batches there will already by risks to supplies and so forth. With custom work priced competitively to off the rack, let’s not pretend that I didn’t get a massive deal.

No, seriously, the closest match of basic latex stockings by Libidex are about $20 more expensive, and that designer is almost certainly getting a bulk materials discount AND not giving you remotely the same scope in sizing. Sure something went wrong, but insuring it didn’t would have meant significant up front costs that just would have put this out of the budget of an experimental purchase.

That’s part of why I do these reviews. As with my last one, the Libidex Matrix Latex Catsuit for Women, as a relative newcomer, guessing fit off models and online shopping can feel extremely intimidating. I won’t do the thing of saying that my body is more “real” than someone who poses for a living, but out side of the carefully curated spread sheets, word of mouth and star ratings on websites, latex clothing really doesn’t seem to get much consumer support the way that vibrators or dildoes do.

Final Verdict

I am VERY squishy

Designer: Eustratia

Product: Full Length Latex Stockings

Cost: $86.41 USD ($110.64CAD) +shipping

How I got ’em: Bought them, designer has no idea I am writing this review.

TL;DR: amazing design and lovely fit, initial materials issue fixed with replacement

Would I buy this again? Already planning next purchase.

Femdom Review – Libidex Matrix Latex Catsuit For Women

matrix latex cat suit review

So you were looking for a latex cat suit and you were considering getting the Female Matrix Catsuit from Libidex…

I got the Matrix, my first latex catsuit, as a gift from Silver, who seems to be spending his entire personal entertainment budget trying to wrap me in head to toe rubber, an activity I am not at all resisting. One thing we noticed, however, is the lack of easy to find reviews. The sites that sell them (in this case Libidex), usually have a user submitted section for comments with stars.

Reviews from other people are important, for a number of reasons. For most enthusiasts, latex clothing remains very much the mail order fetish gear (or to update terms, online shopping situation) it was 100 years ago. Often involving significant international shipping. While there’s a whole thriving review industry for sex toys, mostly dildoes and other thing designed to get people with vaginas off, latex seems to be largely a matter of word of mouth, or scrounging old forum posts where some blessed soul spread sheeted a list of brands.

So, my experience with the Matrix Latex Catsuit for women?

This is a footed, full neck to toe latex catsuit available in a scope of different colours. Mine is a size medium, in basic black. My version has their standard thickness latex (o.5 mm). A triple zipper pull system lets you open an access window, probably best for sex, but also bathroom breaks without having to undress, and I suppose, getting your tits out if you would prefer that.

Price: Regular £245 (or $326.77 USD or $424.54 CAD) – get on their mailing list for frequent sales.

Want more? Keep reading.

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Femdom Review: Tempting the Domme by Golden Angel

Available: Kindle, Audible, Paperback

Author Page: Golden Angel

How did I get this? I bought it.

Contents: Modern Femdom Romance, Hooking up with the Boss, Kink Club, Stand Alone In Series

Did I like It? It’s ok.

I feel bad when I don’t like something, because there’s so few F/m works targeted at women. Tempting the Domme isn’t bad, per say, but there’s a few things I just couldn’t get past. In the first place the setting, a pair of BDSM clubs called the Stronghold and the Marquis, had traditions taken from the worst kind of trying to justify itself BDSM-as-a-culture. Next, the male lead repeatedly ignore the ostensible Domme’s “stop doing that”. Finally there’s too many characters, and I didn’t need to know about a catalogue of their goings on, nor do I think anything of note really happened to any of the side characters worth dedicating so much time to them.

Uhgh, the author, who seems to normally nail out perfectly serviceable M/f romances, doesn’t deserve my fussiness. Maybe this would work for someone else? She clearly is familiar with how BDSM actually works, and her sex scenes pass the possible and chemistry present test. But, I don’t think making the heroine that resistant to the situation is doing the book any favours and ultimately that swayed my away from liking it.

The premise is a “He’s the Boss So It’s A Bad Idea”, which isn’t the worst way to stop a simple, modern relationship transaction from resolving in chapter one. However there’s so much additional accidental showing of how the sub, Luke, has the Domme, Olivia, at a disadvantage. She manages the Marquis, he has part ownership. He’s forever walking into her office to deliver gifts, calling her a pet name she tells him to never call her, etc. The text reminds us repeatedly it’s ok because Olivia secretly likes it and her attraction to him (and lack of hard no) is consent.

This isn’t like, weird Gor style all women want to be taken hard nonsense. But the book very much does not believe reluctance is a reason to stop. And more than just owning part of her work place, those squintillion characters (all heroes of their own books) who make up the social network, including the other owners Olivia is under, are gung ho about mashing the pair together even though she is clearly wildly uncomfortable.

Coercion takes different forms, and I empathized with Olivia identifying that the whole scenario put her in a huge risk if it didn’t work out.

So it isn’t just her singular employer, it’s her other employers, their significant others and her colleagues all finding Luke’s aggressive pursuit of her not only exciting, but a great deal of text is dedicated to everyone caring very much about her personal life. I don’t feel the author realized how much this actually undermined Olivia. I was more scared for her here, where the people were the center of her world were more concerned about a HEA for Luke than how unhappy it made her, than I was for the later Narrative Peril.

For all 25% of the text is dedicated to talking about the safe, protective nature of the club’s teaching and practices, it seemed to be protesting too much.

As for things that we didn’t need, there were also pages of X likes Y but Y likes Z level explanations of social dynamics I can’t figure out why, as a person reading one book in a series, we care about. Between the new characters in the sub class and the regular cast from other books, it honestly became hard to keep track of who was what. Unfortunately Olivia’s perspective didn’t really seem like she liked anyone much either, which as a domme reading about a domme navigating an almost entirely M/f world ended up contributing to the deep sense of not belonging.

There’s a few touches I did like: Olivia’s anxious disguised as aloof domme ego, and sense of self in relation to that. The unusual inclusion of Luke still smarting from a breakup where he was called boring, was interesting. Additionally the author really hit her stride with the exploration of his in scene submissive mindset- it is more realistic than a lot of works write for men. Additionally, Luke being pushy gets a bit better once the will they/won’t they ice gets broken.

I can see where the norms of the genre were working against the intent of the story.

Romance isn’t, by tradition, about situations that the reader might want to actually be in themselves. High drama courtship that would make you mace the lead in real life can also be read with trope goggles on. However, I still think his boundary crossing might have been helped by restructuring him as less of a pigtail pulling tease. Or at least holding off on that until they had an established dynamic. Or it might have helped to discuss the expectations of male courtship to sweep her off her feet versus his role as her boss in text.

As far as serving tropes for tension: There’s a few points where Olivia has real problems due to external drama and peril provided by the narrative, and that lets the characters be put in close enough contact to bond, outside of work. This, ironically, flows a lot less creepy. Still, “were it not for a crazy stalker I wouldn’t tolerate you trying to help” still isn’t setting a comfortable coercion free bed in which the characters could romp.

The peril is also where the author showed some of her strengths and more distinction in the other characters.

For example, I had to giggle at all the Alpha Doms falling all over themselves to try to be useful in a manly way. There was good stuff in the ego push/pull of how very little most people are actually the masterful or timidly enticing sex stereotypes we fantasize about. A side bit about one of the more manly tops enjoying being spooned as a source of shame for him suggests the author, herself, isn’t unaware of the difference between what kinky people aspire to be, and who they are.

Which brings me to the third “nope”. Woven throughout the story was the means by which the club culture initiated new kinky people to being in the group. As per the narrative they had switched from everyone being required to do an “initiation scene” to taking a group class, sorted by category.

In the world of the Stronghold, more binary switches or role fluid people really aren’t a thing. BDSM transcends sexual pleasure and is to be done casually with anyone as a part of the learning process. All dominants must experience “everything” they want to do to subs.

I quote Silver directly:

I wonder if anyone has ever written a book where before someone can sub, they have to dom. “Oh, you want to be spanked? Well, here’s your paddle. Have to pass the standards.

There really isn’t the idea in the culture of the club that being a submissive can be a personal thing. Meanwhile doms are elevated outside of their relationship dynamics, even encouraged to leer and intimidate the new sub class for mutual titillation. The subs are supposed to wear revealing outfits that distinguish them from the doms, and are perpetually referred to by anyone as “subbie”. Although there is no protocol of obedience, adding in amplified gender roles for most of the side characters really built up the atmosphere of an environment where subs were cherished but not really exisiting in a position as equals outside of their consent. The situation isn’t far from how people act in real life, but it really isn’t a healthy one.

Tempting the Domme is very close to confronting the gendered part of the problem effectively

The problem of universal sub disempowerment is not the author’s fault. Fantasies, and from thence, the kink scenes that tried to recreate them, are forever coming up with scenarios where the power imbalance is real. From putting uneven prestige on being a top and mentor, to creating an artificially one size fits all concept of the helpless sub being ‘protected’, power dynamics nobody needs or signed up for creep in. BDSM also often tries to recreate a sort of hyper-gender role dynamic across the D/s lines instead, and that’s in the book as well, but the author handles that a lot better.

In real life, even our concepts of “Top” and “Bottom”, coopted from queerness, drag in ridiculous ideas about the inherently submissive nature of penetration. The author does a really good job of touching on this and the male protagonist’s struggle with self acceptance. But, as an idealized premise there’s a huge amount of infantilization, and a pretty pernicious problem.

With power oriented along gendered lines for most practical levers in the larger culture. BDSM often stumbles over making M/f heterosexuality, if heterosexuality did drag. But humans don’t actually do binary as well as we like to act we do.

I had a post I did a while back “Queen Hatshepsut’s Strapon“, where I unpacked the problems with centering power on giving a domme a phallus (rather than her having one because she wanted one). Here, the core complexity is softness versus gender roles.

So as a character, excepting the lack of respect he shows for Olivia’s comforts (even when he seems to clearly understand they are there and how line crossing his behavior is), the sub, Luke is an interesting study into where gender and BDSM stereotypes break down in trying to support the lived experience of the people involved.

Credit where credit due, I also appreciated Olivia’s distrust on Luke’s constence, and a certain additional pressure on her side of not feeling unattractive as much as being very used to even men who are into it deciding they just couldn’t handle being like that.

It’s why I, as a reader, feel bad about the fact that I didn’t like it. When there’s very little on the market that’s serving a need, it puts too much pressure on the stuff that does, and for a get-what-you-pay-for kindle ready, well, it’s just ok?

Femdom Book Review: At His Lady’s Command by Nicola Davidson

This is a cream puff. It’s a sugary, gooey confection you bite into and there is flakey bits all over your blouse and custard oozing out, but you aren’t sorry you did it. Our protagonists, Lady Portia and her faithful bodyguard Denham start out as unrequited, and within a chapter, rush from lust to bed at speed- we aren’t making any pretence this isn’t porn.

With that in mind, if you are looking for exact historical accuracy, this might not be for you. Rich heiress runs a sexual dream society attended by pairings and a triad from other books, and does good works. The past-ish background serves largely as a fig leaf to add propriety to rebel against and peril to intrude. As such, the premises of the plot can fall apart if you stare too long at them.

This is gentle femdom. Don’t expect bondage or sadomaschism more intense than scratches, but do enjoy that our 38 year old heroine and 44 year old hero are plausibly into each other and her control, while also keeping them as firmly defined equals outside the context of their kinks.

Honestly my biggest criticism is the speed the story was rushed interfered with the possability of larger tension and made the peril of the story a bit less fleshed in favour of Denham or Portia yearning for each other. But!

Holy hell is it a breath of fresh air to get a protagonist that is not a professional. Not that being a pro is bad, but the vast majority of femdom romances targeted for the female gaze approach the subject as a story of an idealized dominatrix, usually a service top. The characters like eachother and compliment eachother. They have plausible chemistry.

Davidson looks like she knows what she is talking about, when it comes to femdom, and although her larger suite of offerings covers pretty much the gamut of relationships (looks like M/f, a mmf triad, lesbian and gay make up the other books in her Surrey Sexual Freedom Society series, for example) this is not a tick box sampler or someone writing outside their depth.

This may be pure romance-land in the larger framing, but expect a good fusion of modern tastes and historical vulgarity- nobody does a cockstand or has a mossy grot, but there are no throbbing members. I would have a hard time placing the exactness of period, but they do manage birth control that is both plausible and historically accurate.

In all, I wish Davidson had the time to let this develop properly with more length, but having tasted her wears, even if I might have a stray crumb or two to brush away, I will be back to this particular bakery again.

Want a copy? At His Lady’s Command is a kindle exclusive. I bought it myself on a whim and have received no sponsorship to review.

Femdom Movie Review: Dogs Don’t Wear Pants

TL;DR Verdict:

Oneric *deeply* dark romantic comedy. Expect fucked up visuals and a view into kink as filthy. Protagonist is super unhealthy, but this is in the camp as “Secretary” more so than “The Piano Teacher”.

Now for a more detailed review…

Boy meets girl, boy obsessed over unhealthy behaviours, girl is attracted to his pain and feels connection through sadism, boy has midlife crisis connected to inability to cope with death of wife, boy gets a fucking clue and sort of emerges from cocoon of self destruction.

Unlike cheerful romps like “Walk All Over Me” or “Preaching to the Perverted”, this one is trying to say something a bit deeper about humanity, at least in the artistic tradition of an upper middle class, middle aged man having a full on melt down while getting laid.

Juha is a slim, attractive but a bit goofy heart surgeon who loses his wife in the first act. It’s important here to take the scenes as his fractured psyche/fantasy assembling memory- as he imagines/experiences trying to save her from drowning and being pulled back from joining her by the demands of caring for his toddler daughter.

Thus we see him as comparing himself to a caught fish, choking in the bottom of a fisherman’s boat. Early scenes are important to establish Juha as having redeeming qualities- it uses a lot of show don’t tell to let you know what is going on and you are about to watch him completely fall apart for an hour.

I cannot review this without spoilers, so you are duly warned that I will probably deconstruct this enough to spoil some of the shock comedy gags.

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Femdom Review “The Butters” Oil Based Lube

An oil based lube shown next to my favourite. I like this, but not for sex.

From time to time, as a blogger, I’m privileged to get random free samples shucked my way, for the publicity my talking about it gives, and also beta testing. In the case of The Butters, an oil based lube, it is one of the nicest moisturizers I have ever tried, but… I don’t want to put it on my vulva, or give someone a hand job with it, or slick up a toy with it. I will happily rub it into my legs and face, but it is not a good sex product for me.

And this brand does EVERYTHING right, so don’t think this is one of my little rants, like my disapproval of those cheap sex toys from overseas manufactures that swear they are 100% silicone and smell like a tire fire.  This is a a homemade oil based mix of different thick, edible fats with about the texture of a creamy body butter. You can’t use it with latex condoms, but it makes sure you know what it is right away, and it’s skin safe and scentless. I really like the politics of this producer and the fact that the branding is gender neutral while still taking into account its testers varied anatomy.

I even find the brown and yellow colour scheme visually attractive! Gosh, I wish I could tell you about how this was my go to lubricant, and how it totally rocked my socks. But it just doesn’t do the job it’s marketed to do.

That being said, the manufacturer is super responsive and gave me more tips on how to get the most value out of it (use a lot) as well as took my feedback regarding the sample bottles (yours would come in a jar, not a squeezy, I had trouble getting the product out). I was so sad I couldn’t make the sex part work that I put off my review for over a year. Procrastination isn’t the most mature solution, but I hate having to give a thumbs down, even a gentle, entirely it’s-not-you-it’s-me one.

I think I just need a thinner lube to experience the right mimic of what I naturally have. It feels unpleasantly chunky after getting used to oil for my massage and sex needs, and absorbs almost instantly in quantities I feel comfortable slathering on. That’s great stroked into freshly shaved legs or patted into my oft sensitive complexion. I imagine with a whole palmful it might be lovely for butt stuff.

I’m not the only reviewer to notice that it’s very other purpose friendly, not something I can say for water based KY (or KY knock offs) or silicone lube (no silicone lube for me, the bathroom floor was slippy for days after). It even lacks the excessively medicinal feel, and never goes tacky like the water based lubes due after a while.

But at the end of the day this is a fantastic natural, small batch moisturizer from a great independently owned business. I might even buy more to replace out my standard go to body butter, but I can’t make it work for sex, even if I actually like an oil based lube like coconut or sweet almond oil.

Note: The ingredient list has shifted a bit. Mine had arrow root powder but the formula on their website is as follows: “aloe vera gel, raw shea butter*, pure coconut oil, pure extra virgin olive oil, pure grapeseed oil, pure palm kernel oil*, pure soy lipid emulsion*, apple cider vinegar & guar bean powder.”

Femdom Review: SVACOM Cathy, Yay or Nae?

svacomSVACOM asked me to review a part of their catalog, the pink silicone skin vibrator titled “Cathy”. There’s only one problem, I generally find 99% of vibes, through no fault of their own, leave my lady parts cold. And numb. But still, here I am with a $ vibrator and wondering how to give it a fair shake.

Enter my friend Mrs. Castle. My neighbour and frequent tea companion, this woman is one of the lovely extra bright points in a life that’s already filled with some pretty sparkly people. She is able to give it a thorough testing, so when Svacom sent me the toy to test I was able to do a quick hand off and, within short order she had news to share.

Let’s see how Mrs. Castle enjoyed her date with Cathy?

Today I spent an hour getting intimate with my new friend Cathy. Cathy is Svakom’s much touted ‘Ultra-Soft Silicone Vibrator’, which comes in pink, or PINK.  The one gifted me by Miss Pearl is decidedly PINK (though on their site, Svakom calls it ‘Plum Red’). Cathy is a generous 180mm long, and 90mm wide, and so if you are not comfortable with a decent girth, you might consider being very liberal with your lube before playing with her. She is also waterproof, and made of eco-safe materials. She functions on polymer lithium rechargeable battery, and has a continuous working time of roughly 2 hours.

One thing that sets Cathy apart from other vibes is the ‘Svakom Intelligent Mode’. I admit, I was skeptical when I read that in the user guide, but it was actually fairly pleasant. It has a nice slow teasing build, which I did like, though I found the ‘climax’ period of the cycle to be far too short for my personal taste. Still, it is a far better cycle of vibration than I’ve tried with other similar toys in the past, and I mostly did like it. Happily, you can press the arrows to shift modes at any time to make your experience more or less intense.

Another feature I was very impressed by was how SILENT Cathy was. Svakom promises their toys are ‘whisper quiet’, and they really delivered on that front. I could only hear the faintest thrum of the motor, but only just. It was nice, and as such did not distract me from my self-pleasuring mission. I am sure that if others were home, they would have had no idea what I was up to.

I also want to highlight how wide Cathy is, and that she is a shapely toy. Many vibrators out there are pretty dull, and slim, and honestly do little for me. Cathy was wide, enough that I was surprised by it, and it made for a much more pleasant experience. She is also tapered, so you can insert to the girth you like best, though I found it to be the most comfortable when I had the vibrator in as fully as was possible without losing the control buttons.

My main critique would be that the design leads to some small frustration because the control buttons do end up very close to buried within you. Some sort of remote to control the settings would have been nice, and could lend itself well to more partner-play too.

Did Cathy do the job? I would say that she’s certainly a fun ride, if not a thorough one. I am one of those who requires far more clitoral stimulation than just vaginal, but I did enjoy the internal stimulation a fair amount. Cathy is a long girl, and I do really like being deeply penetrated, which was also agreeable. I also liked the feel of the ‘ultra-soft silicone’ as opposed to regular silicone or other materials I’ve seen used. I found that the sensations were well delivered, as well as thoughtfully-timed when I was playing with the ‘Intelligent Mode’.

7.5/10 will diddle with again.

What do I think of the SVACOM Cathy?

I like that it’s a rechargeable cordless vibe, although lurid pink is not my favourite, aesthetically. The promotional material hilariously promotes everywhere you could use it other than intimate purposes- a not unfamiliar quirk in a world where sex toys fall on the cusp of legal in some region and the framing is everything. I can’t see myself using it as a massage wand for my shoulder the way I will use a rumbley work horse like the good old Magic Wand.

On the other hand, the Svacom Cathy seems just as solid as her other, well more known cousins from established brands. Her price is not low budget ($95 US), but the build quality in comparable to similarly priced toys in other lines. She doesn’t horrify based on materials. Whisper quiet without sacrificing power is pretty key to self diddling, whether you are college aged and living with the ‘rents or living with kids who’ll ask why mommy is buzzing at night.

Okay, but why should I care?

A diversity of sex toys encourages exploring new designs (all the better for a diversity of bodies!) and well as driving the overall price. Although this is a first time with Svacom it will be interesting to see where the brand takes their output next.

Review disclosure: I got the SVACOM Cathy for free and shared it with my friend, who I allowed to keep it because A) used sex toy and B) she evidently enjoyed it enough it’ll keep being used.

(They offered a coupon code, if such a thing is applicable to you: specialdisc20 a $20 discount.)

Femdom Review: The Control Book by Peter Masters

controlOr, as an unofficial subtitle… A Manual on How to be That Guy.

This is a bad book. It gets a lot wrong, wastes a lot of the reader’s time doing it. I’m going to be charitable and suggest that Masters is expressing himself poorly and would never endorse violations of consent. However, based on how this is written, the advice contained within has no place in a contemporary BDSM scene. It’s a pity because there aren’t really much in the way of (focused) resources about the behaviours you can use to compliment and express power dynamics. It mistakes talking a lot for making an argument and has enough problematic suggestions that it has no place in any kink curriculum.

So if you want to read it, basically imagine you were going to do a comedy skit about the ponderous True Dom you may have had the misfortune to meet at a munch, and expect a combination of tedium and terrible advice.

[Before I go any further, it’s worth noting that everything I stand for is pretty much diametrically opposite to this guy’s approach in this book. I can’t actively claim that Peter Masters is a bad person with any confidence, so if you are the author rest assured that I’m the kind of TNG/18-35 tumblr born brat that’s probably ruining kink and my shit probably looks just as appalling to you. That being said you are wrong about things with this book. WRONG.]

Here’s the highlights of the yuck:

  • D/s is only 24/7 and that’s what makes it distinct from topping & bottoming.
  • There’s no such thing as a switch and no room for them.
  • The best way to approach and gain submission is to start ordering subs around at a party.
  • Negotiation? What negotiation?
  • Subs are slightly brain dead, but it’s hard(er) to control a sub who is a good communicator.
  • Safewords are a barrier to D/s & here’s how to ignore/avoid them.
  • Lots of unsubstantiated pop psych.
  • Gender archetype Warrior/Mother examples without much examination of where they might come from.

Need more critique? I’ve got more to say.

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Femdom Review: Safe Words by Drury Jamison

Safe words by Drury JamisonTitle: Safe Words
By: Drury Jamison

Tl;DR: Your standard thriller romance, with a jaded cop hero, but  bonus femdom self discovery.

There’s a handful of books with this title (and zip between the covers to do with it, other than an offhand romantic joke) but Jamison breathes some pleasant life into a by the numbers plot. A killer is stalking femdoms, and our heroine, Detective Eleanor Silver, ends up discovering a bit more about her own desires over the course of the investigation. Inevitably she has to become a femdom to catch a killer and the guy helping her out takes things in an equally real direction. Also she’s a troubled cop with a drinking problem and a great deal of dedication to her job to the point of burn out. This is policing written meaner and more dangerous than the statistical experience of the average police officer. Assume you are reading an erotic thriller novel, not getting an inside scoop into anything real. But, it’s ok. The skill of a genre fiction writer is in their ability to manage our expectations, much like a sex scene will always involve sex by some value of the term, but can be written well or poorly.

Safe Words, despite the generic title, is good.

Specifically, there’s a few things I think are worth calling out as being particularly well handled. The main one being that we see submissive men as a wide range of complicated people with lives outside the bedroom. There’s no cliches about high powered executives blowing off steam or docile meek folk- every single guy has the same range of human agency and can be a good person or a bad person.  The love interest, Anderson, shows both agency, preferences and a spine. He’s, dare I say, cute and not ruled exclusively by his kinks. He’s well adjusted and likes himself. I could see myself chasing him.

Silver is written with some of the standard romance heroine problems (dowdy wardrobe, just doesn’t connect with dudes), but she is a hundred percent turned on by sub guys, and unlike many books in the genre has a loving and adorably vulnerable attitude to femdom. She doesn’t think less of submissive men and crave a dom or a “real man”. He dowdy clothes are her desperately trying to gain the upper hand in a world where her femaleness is a vulnerability and as soon as she gets introduced to the idea of femdom we get to see her masturbating to the subject enough not to worry that she’s just doing it to keep her boy interested.

That private time is a sneaky way that Jamison manages to pack more erotic punch into a burgeoning romance. I liked this handling, as it helped illustrate what falling in love is like and avoid making the actual interactions between her and the guy she is falling in love with drag or feel gratuitous.

What about the hero?

Romance has a hard time with sub men. With the genre aimed at making men into sexual objects, a lot of novels fall flat by making the guy either a pushy weirdo or a non-entity. Anderson, Eleanor’s psychologist-guide to the kink scene, is a bit of a cipher as we don’t really get a direct window into his head, like a nuanced person with other stuff going on than his penis. That’s damning with faint praise, but in a writing genre where “he had an erection” is used as shorthand for “he is interested and interesting” it’s nice to see that Jamison tries to have him express himself through word and looks. As a person has his own agenda, reputation with other characters, and past relationships. He makes good and bad choices, expressing a lot of courage but also managing to convey a desperate attraction and vulnerability to the heroine that he keeps on a short leash to be polite.

Gender comes in here a lot. Our male protagonist is not a sissy, but several of the other male sub characters are (and one is actually trans), and some of the development of their relationship is Elanor realising she doesn’t so much mind being a woman as what she previous assumed was mandatory submission and passivity. Anderson’s version of a sub knows and enforces his limits with pleasant firmness (for example where explains he is not a sissy, and the Mistress he would obey would not want that) and we don’t fuck around with “no but your dick says you want this!” limit pushing.

What he provides is what most femdoms want, someone who affirms and loves who she is, and gives her space to express the vulnerability of command.

Okay, what about the book as a whole?

I think my favourite part of this is that there’s enough characters that you get a lot of examples of femdom relationships with real humans- and see a spectrum of sub guys from the killer (anyone who has gotten an unhinged inbox message knows how believable it is that there is a Buffalo Bill knock off out there); nice, really loving husbands; hot singles, etc… When male submission in fiction tends to be treated like a bizarre anomaly or some sort of inborn fetish reflex that turns off a person’s personality, seeing it sketched out in a broader sense is much needed room to breathe.

We need more femdom books in general. On the plus side, the fact that it won a Golden Flogger award at  BDSM Writers Con means I hope we’ll see more like it. I am looking forward to the sequel where our Heroine gets to solve more mysteries and hopefully we see a continuation of her relationship with Anderson.

Femdom Review: Dancing Backward- An Adventure in Male Submission

Dancing backwardDancing Backward: An Adventure in Male Submission by Thomas Lavalle

Nope, didn’t like it. Dancing Backward was a pretty good example of how not to make me happy, and really a good percent of what is wrong with femdom porn if you are trying to appeal to female readers. Or male ones who don’t get something out of self hate.

Some of this was simply it not being my way of expressing my F/m kink, but it had a lot of oopsies and pitfalls typical of the genre- as much as I hate to pillory the creative output of other people, this is precisely the sort of book that makes it hard for women think they would enjoy being a dom, and indeed represents male submission as something pathetic. On the other hand it’s one of Amazon’s more popular femdom novels, so if my review is scathing, I’m sure the author will dry his tears with a handful of the royalties he’s earned.

To briefly summarize the plot: This is a story about a control freak who marries a passive sponge, and then when he proves to be a passive sponge, turns him into a punching bag.

The most glaring problem was that I never got any sense of why the couple liked each other. An interesting premise, essentially of a gender inversion 1950s marriage, turned into odd abusive weirdness sans any sort of context- our hero Christopher is essentially an ambulatory submissive erection, while his wife, Kelly, didn’t really have any characteristics other than hawt n’ dominant- her G cup breasts had as much personality as she did, while she groped about the femdom cliches with inexplicable motive, coming across as less kinky and more that the universe had dictated this was how things worked because the author said so. Really, you know you’re going to have a bad time when the description blurb calls the femdom “spoiled” and “bossy”. About the only moment she seemed human is the vague mention she had decorative ballerina figurines- otherwise I got the impression that literally any idiot who met her minimum threshold of attractive and she could push around would do as she was just a culmination of everything the audience is supposed to find attractive crammed into one barbie doll shaped carapace. She had no beginning and no end, just ambition and a sense of self importance that came from no place other than narrative dictate. Hell, when the novel opens she doesn’t actually appear to have any close friends.

The writing honestly, is good at least as sketching out the male protagonist as a believable person (albeit a realistic waste of space or a victim, depending on your reading), but as a female dominant I found Kelly repulsive- angry and condescending, with a side order of female superiority wankery and nothing to back it up other than that she makes gobs of money. The side character, Carmen the Cuban, was actively offensive, a fetishists idea of what a Hispanic is, making sure you knew Ai AM EL SPANISH! every other sentence, in a way that made her feel like Dora the Explorer’s sociopathic cousin. None of the female doms made me want to be them or even in the same room as them. If a guy handed me this book and asked “can we do this please?” I’d probably run away.

And then there’s the whole subject of the weird abusive stuff, which was encoded into the universe such that the audience was supposed to see the aggressive mistreatment of males as not grounds to call the police, but just vaguely titillating. I’ll take the time to say this now: Mr. Lavalle, nobody this side of the ’90s says “you go girl!” unironically, and certainly not regarding CBT or how the only true way to deal with life is to dom the lesser menz. The only people who are still using that tired little phrase is the sort of persecution complex MRA who never actually interact with actual women and write eight page screeds on why women are out to get them.

As a writer of non-con who gets off on rape as a concept, you think I’d be all on board with the setting’s darker side- after all, I am quite the sadist. However, the rapey nonsense is all over the fucking place, and not even particularly empowering or just a sadistic fantasy for women- for example just incidentally in the background, Kelly worries about the impact on her career of turning down some random wealthy dude. This was forshadowed as her cuckolding partner in the next book, without examination of how creepy it is that now the guy is aggressively sending her mash notes bout how their hookup is inevitable. Of course, like any porn dom, rather than, you know, getting off on male submission, she’s written to actually want a Real Man TM, like Stalky Pants McSouthAfrican and this forceful attitude is not time to speak to HR, but a rare moment she seemed to respect a male.  Do. Not. Want.

Meanwhile Kelly, herself, also comes across as way less domly and more abusive. She isolates her husband, banning him from friends and hobbies. Even before they bring in the whips and chains side of things and she’s waffling about with a pure power exchange relationship, she mentions offhand that she rarely had to slap her husband as a sign of his goodness. This is supposed to be a normal relationship up until that point. Heterosexual dudes in relationships reading this, if your female partner slaps you and it is not part of a consenting dynamic or to get your attention while you sleep walk off off a cliff, that shit is not okay.

And then when she decides that they are going F/m full bore femdom, of course she doesn’t ask because in this universe male subs are just defective men who will go along with any nonesense as long as the woman forces them too. Half the time she’s mumbling about female superiority, the other half the time she’s debating who will actually fuck her now since a sub guy won’t do. Our hero devotes a extensive amount of whining and carrying on about how he’s sooooo emasculated, and yet as much as they started out exploring an inverted 1950s dynamic, much is said about how useless he is as a housekeeper, etc, etc…

Which is back to my point, Kelly talks about how her Christopher is ‘sweet’, but all he does is either fail to keep house (so she can punish him) or whine about how terrrrrrrible this new thing is, never showing an ounce of romantic initiative, agency or creativity. We learn that when he met Kelly in college, he dropped out of his graphic designer program a few credits shy of graduation to be her full time house husband, and never expressed himself creatively again. He does not turn around and flourish in the home. Instead, he becomes this useless lump who actually hates housework and does it for fear of punishment. He does not act remotely emotionally fulfilled by a life of service, but neither is he good enough at it to make me feel like Kelly’s getting a good deal- instead she spends much of the book pissed off that her partner is dull and clingy as wallpaper paste. Her solution, to transition from domestic D/s, to full sadomasochistic BDSM, feels like more effort than just hiring a damn maid and throwing him out on his ear.

If you are a sub guy into being treated badly (at least in fantasy) with stabs at SPH, domestic service, feeling emasculated by obedience, and the idea that nursing at big boobs are hot, you will have yourself at least one fantastic wank reading this. If, I suppose your SO lets you. Although if you have an SO, you’ll know this is pure fantasy, and one hopes your relationship is a lot more nuanced and healthy than the nonesense written in here.

If you are a dominant woman, you will come away feeling vaguely insulted and disappointed that once again, your kinks are simply not considered to matter when you can be used as a fantasy object.

Category: Erotic romance
Rating: o (1/5)
How I got it: Bought it!
TL;DR: Rising star executive Kelly turns househusband Christopher into her slave. An unsatisfying turn off, with unpleasant main characters.