How To Give A Bare Handed Spanking

One of the biggest barriers for new femdoms (and women who are giving this a try) is that the topping side of dominating people can seem hellaciously intimidating. What if you get it wrong, will the bottom be seriously hurt? Will he laugh at you and take away his submission? I blame existing dominants, who often base their authority on how well they hit and tie. In some cases, of course, kink skill takes time and practice. Bullwhips and needle play require more prep and know how, as well as specialized equipment. But spanking is something anyone can do and carry very little risk, particularly a bare handed spanking with an open palm.


Delecious bare handed spanking pic from juliensubWhy spanking and how does it work?

A human butt is one of the more resilient, padded parts of the body. Cushioned and bouncy, it offers a wide surface area for striking while keeping all the important biological bits tucked deep out of the way. As well as a safe target, many people associate spanking with being in a demeaned, vulnerable of juvenile position. Although people in the 18 to 35 generation may never have personally experienced a beating in the hands of a parent, the idea of being bent over and smacked is deeply embedded in popular culture, as a minor form of violence expressing the authority of the spanker. Besides, we sexualize butts, and spanking is touching butts.

For kink purposes, there’s two kinds of spankings, a fun spanking that works with the “victim’s” natural tolerances and a mean spanking that seeks to exceed them (in a safe fashion of course!). In this case, don’t confuse tolerances for limits. Limits are how the bottom protects you from being arrested, while tolerance is how the spanking effects them in relation to how they experience pain. So how do you make sure everything’s hunky dory?

Establishing informed consent and tolerances.

If you’re a newbie dom, maybe your bottom has also never had spanking before. Or, maybe if he’s new to you, you’re not sure he understands what you are capable of dishing out. I’ve already established that I’m a big fan of consent. Don’t hit people unless they say it’s okay, and understand the ramifications of what they agreed to. That established, what if the person doesn’t know what their finite limits are yet? Nobody wants to initiate a grandiose walloping and have the bottom start screaming “Pumpkin! Pumpkin! I don’t consent!”. Have a conversation about limits and kick any new partner who tells you they have none out of bed.

But what if they’re gung-ho about it, but this is virgin territory? This is the main stumbling block for many kinksters. Most people come into this with a bunch of sexy ideas, some of which are going to turn out to be perverted brilliance, but many of which will be improbable, impractical or nowhere as hot as they seemed in real life. On that line, launching a full scale assault on their ass may sour a spanking victim- if this is primarily your idea you want to be able to ease the bottom into it.

I’m a big fan of using the pain scale numbers system, because you can’t get simpler than that. During your first spanking session, task the receiver to rate your hits on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “did you touch me?” and 10 being “sweet mother fucking christ auugh I’m dying.” For a bare handed spanking, many people can’t even get past 7. Regardless, start with your lightest possible hit and work to establish your mid-range. You will probably discover one other fun fact: people’s pain tolerances shoot way up when they are aroused. Thus his tolerance is going to be a bit wibbly. With warm up, you may exhaust yourself long before he’s ready to call it quits.

Following so far? Let’s keep going…

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BDSM Etiquette: Helpful Hints

Mighty Dingdong, please guide me!As readers may well know, I am a stickler for proper conduct. The following questions come up as common BDSM etiquette problems and I’ve provided some guidelines to ensure excruciatingly correct behaviour at all times. The key to BDSM is of course arbitrary rules provided by fictional persons, traditions practiced purely by inertia and wishful thinking.

Q

I am a submissive trying to meet people, and a person who I am speaking to has demanded that I call them “Master” or “Mistress”. To be specific, they are neither my Master nor my Mistress, but I want to be sure I am doing this properly.

A

BDSM is built on tradition, and a submissive must know how to properly comport themselves. If you want people to understand you are a true submissive when corrected, to show your gratitude, the only response is to henceforth refer to them as “Mighty Dingdong“. This title indicates their high status and rank as a person who has no friends, never actually has interacted with other kinky people in groups and cannot distinguish between fantasy and reality.

Q

I’ve met a femdom online or at an event who says she is interested in in dominating me. However she believes to show my true intentions I must give her a giftcard or a sum of money. Only then she will consider dominating me.

A

It’s splendid that she makes her professional status clear. Be sure to indicate that you would love to hire her services, but you need some references from her and a price list. If she protests that this is simply the norm for the lifestyle, apologize politely and say you are not into age play, or otherwise pretending you were born yesterday.

Q

Someone says that there’s no such thing as a female dominant or that M/f is the only natural order and that femdom is an aberration.

A

It is fortunate that such an expert is there to set you straight. If you are a female dominant, you must show your appropriate place in the natural order by smiling and saying that honestly, you need a man who’s masculine enough to still get it up after torture and the dom identified ones just aren’t tough enough. If it is simply implied, for example automatically addressing women as if they were subs, have sympathy and tell them how it must suck to make a fool of themselves in front of people with their reductionist world view. Be very loud and very syrupy.

Q

At the last party, I said hello to someone in a collar. Their dominant was furious and told me that it is proper BDSM etiquette to assume collared people are not to be addressed without permission of their owners be default, and in fact that everyone knows this is the rule for all subs. How can I make amends?

The next time you see them, you must say: “[Master/Mistress], please tell your submissive that you wish to tell them that their most respected and powerful owner is a horse’s ass.” Carry on all communication, no matter how banal you think it might be, from the latest sports scores and weather, to home remedies for yeast infections through the collared one’s owner. They will be sure to understand

I hope this advice helps you in all your future social interactions, going forward.

Reader Letter: Psychological BDSM & 24/7 Submission

A reader recently wrote in to ask about 24/7 submission, psychologically intense BDSM and how they can go about finding a partner who is into that idea.

Do you have any advice for someone who’s looking to become a slave to a woman permanently? I’ve been reading stories for a while but I don’t have any experience actually finding someone who might be into these kinds of things, and even tho I’m seeming upfront right now I’m actually quite shy. 

You seem like you know a lot about the psychological aspects of femdom in addition to the fleshly pleasures, so I was hoping you might be able to give me some advice on how to find someone who’s interested in owning a slave completely, not casually like on some personals sites, but complete power exchange and total mind and body fuckery with no going back. 

I gather that you yourself have experience in such things, and so my heart is hoping that you’ll be able to help me. I understand if not tho, and either way, keep on writing the awesome stories.

🙂 (Look 24/7 Submission)

Hello Looking For 24/7 Submission:

Gee thanks! I’m always glad to hear from a fan!

247I’ve already written a lot of articles suggesting advice on how to find a female dominant in addition to my stories- but it sounds like what you’re looking for is advice on how to find a particular kind of relationship. I’ll see what I can do to help…

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