Miss Pearl

I'm the admin, and writer behind this blog. No you cannot hire me to dominate you. :)

Other Places To Go Part V

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Yaye! It’s time for a link share of cool stuff that caught my eye. kissinghim A fantastic post on reddit, discussing starting out as a female dominant and practical things you can try in the bedroom with a partner, that doesn’t focus on filling the fantasy dominatrix role.

A very talented artist did a comic with female dominant themes that would have appealed to teenage proto-dom me in a SFW story about a selkie and a fisherwoman.

Not Just Bitchy is being clever again, with some basic but needed advice on getting a service dynamic off the ground.

Femdom Story Update

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Enjoying my BDSM & femdom stories and thinking about getting yourself something as a treat or getting a gift for someone else?

I get tons on requests from fans of my fiction to cover specific tops or explore ideas- maybe you want to see a particular fetish given some real justice, or maybe nobody’s writing quite what you are looking for so far. To go with my high quality writing, I’m updating our pricing, to give you the opportunity to enjoy longer pieces of bespoke fiction and better reflect the types of projects people want to order. That means a price drop on stories over 2K words in length!

Wondering about the possibilities? Some stories people have ordered include a special couple time story as a birthday gift; a steamy encounter between a female police officer and the poor boy she decides to prey on;  the secrets of a female society plotting to subjugate all men for their pleasure; and my favourite, when Wonder Woman showed Superman who’s boss in the way we know darn well suits both the characters.

Check out the new rates to get yourself the erotica you’ve always dreamed about here.

Friday Femdom Fiction: Body Writing Brat

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The cuffs were soft leather, wrapped around each slender wrist and holding his arms over his head, bound to the headboard, while a crimson scarf was twice wrapped across his eyes, blinding in soft layers of silk fabric.

She looked over him, naked, remembering the rough stripping she’s done, with the way the snaps of his shirt had popped and his pants and briefs had come down together in one quick yank. One leg half curled up, and she pushed down on his knee, making him flat to the mattress.

There was a scattering of hair over his chest and a thicker stroke of dark over his belly. and cradling his groin in an intimate way that always made her want to press her face there and let her teasing tongue find its own path.

Instead, she kept her removed posture and considered for a moment, before she began, opening the flap of the orange box and pulling out one of the thick pens by the brightly coloured cap.

“Let’s use your favourite shade then? It’ll show up nice and clear on your skin when our friends get here for the party.”

The wet tip of the marker brushed over his skin. He smelled of clean laundry and maleness, his skin reminding her of butter and summer sun bleached grass. The marker was blue, tapered nub dabbing sky tinted ink in curves and straight lines.

“That tickles!”

“Shhhh… You hated wearing the sign even more.”

“Miiiiiiss!” He whined, drawing it out. “Heeeeey!”

“Be good.” Her hand took his thigh, giving it a warning squeeze. “You’re a bad boy and everyone’s going to know it after I’m done.”

“What are you writing?”

“What you are and all the things you did wrong.”

“I can’t see!”

“You know what you did. You can guess what it says.”

“Seducer of women?” Even with his eyes covered, she could see the coy challenge.

“Slut!” The marker was drawn away from his skin as she flipped his leg over, twisting his hip up to land a solid spank on target.

He yelped,  and when she released his thigh he lay flat, letting her straddle him and add another line of writing.”

“Came without permission, without even taking a picture for me to look at. And such a smart mouth. Always answers back. Never does what he’s told… Oh and you bit Miss Jenny!”

“Miss Jenny said I didn’t dare do it. And she liked it!”

There was another smack and a yelp. “And you’re not holding still! You have one job and that’s to lie on your back and let me write. We shall underline ‘disobedient’ shall we?”

“There, much better. Time to take some souvenirs.” She knew he could hear the recorded click noise of her cell phone’s camera.

“Let me see!”

“I don’t think so. Not for a bad boy.” She leaned over him now and gave a kiss, just as the phone in her hand buzzed. “Oh, that’s them, they’re downstairs!”

Just a little flustered, she reached for the buckles freeing him. “I’d better go answer the door. Mind you get tea together when you come out, and bring it to us on a tray. There won’t be any illusions what you are to me when they read this.”

When she left the room he could hear her feet down the hall and then on the steps, and the sound of voices. He took off the blindfold without untying it, curiosity drawing him to the mirror.

Property of Miss ___

Disobedient

Slut

Answers Back

Caution: Bites

He made a tsking noise and found the discarded box of markers. In orange scrawl, lopsided above everything he added one more word. Beloved.

Femdom Life: Spanking Him On Camera

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showcase_MPThe last couple of weeks have been rough as far as health problems that have seen Wildcard and I both hitting clinics within short days of each other. While neither one of us is dying, we both aren’t helped by the summer humidity either.

Friday evening, after yet another stress filled day, I went for my thrice weekly run, leaving Wildcard all by his lonesome. Stress seriously cuts down on sex time, as does being under the weather, and with him starting to feel a bit better he was hinting a certain interest.

After putting in my usual time and distance in sneakers, I came back to find him with laptop on his lap, gently stroking his half hard cock while chatting with a room full of strangers. He perked up and suggested that I could join in, tie him up and tease him, to which I gave him one of my patented looks. I am not a big fan of dominance on demand. with me you don’t call the shots and set the script. You can suggest sexy ideas, but it isn’t going to fly if you try to put my urges and control on rails.

He didn’t end up tied up to the bed, but he did end up edging himself and then bent over my knee for a mean, hard spanking while everyone he’d been entertaining earlier continued to watch. Hand was soon switched up for a belt, probably my favourite of his to use, a big thick piece of supple brown leather.

I had him on all fours, facing the camera and reaching underneath himself to keep his cock hard- and his facial reactions showed me that he was experiencing some intense sensations from the leather striping his cheeks, while the colour changed to a bright pink, blossoming from the blush of his warm up to a good ruddy rose of a proper bare skin spanking.

The reactions are the best part for me, watching the intensity in his face as I made him count off loud so everyone of the people in the chat room could hear. It’s not the first time I ended up spanking him on camera for anyone to watch, but Wildcard is a horny little exhibitionist who get both extremely turned on and extremely humiliated with an audience. As well as the usual horny guys drooling over me, we got a couple of ladies getting into seeing him paddled, gratifying since I like it better when he doesn’t get treated like he doesn’t exist. And I knew that kind of attention is Wildcard’s big weakness, so you can bet he was feeling extra vulnerable and submissive to whatever sadistic cruelty I intended. Spanking him on camera for women to watch is a huge fetish for him!

He was the one who noticed the little wet patch under me, a mark on the sheet where I’d been resting, but it was me who told him that he had to fuck me without coming- as long as he could manage, stretching it out as his thick cock filled me up. We started with me astride, riding him, but pretty soon he tipped me back and made himself take his time while I teased him by gripping his cock with the muscles of my cunt.

He took a long time just like I ordered, waiting a minute after I gave him permission before finally cumming with a loud muffled groan into my neck. We ended up spooned up after that, with various audience members indicating their appreciation.

The problem with a live crowd, of course, is that you don’t control them, so it’s no wonder that sometimes the questions get a bit weird. I’ve been compared to people’s stepdaughters. and we often get bombarded with requests for butt stuff. This time we got asked: So, is he the biggest guy you’ve ever fucked?

The girthiest. Even super turned on as I was, he’s a tight fit.

Friday Femdom Fiction: Breath Control

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The ribs of he corset pulled in on her ribs, steel bending soft bone and pushing creamy breast up, pillowy at the satin edged top of the construction. Her body pushed back, straight lined bones forced to be an hour glass that bllowed sharply beneath into the roundness of her hips. Uncontained , but for the black cross strap of the garters and the little scrap of lace panties. She’d put her stocking clad feet into heels, but those had been kicked off when she’d pushed him back into the bed and climbed on top.

He could feel her weight, warm and soothing, her palms pushing on his chest. She giggled and whispered, “The safeword is to tap. If I see you thumping me, yourself or the bed, I know you’ve had enough.”

Her hand had teased his cock, petting whole hand strokes like she was stroking a cat, then running her hand up his belly and chest, feeling the light brush of hair, before skipping to his face. Her fingers pinched off his nose and her other hand cupped over his lips, sealing off his air.

She watched his face, helpless, eyes getting wider until he began to pat at her thigh and she released, letting him exhale and draw a breath.

“Breathe. Breathe out.”Her hands went back over his mouth and nose. She held them there, feeling him try and fail to suck more than a few whistles of air around the seal she’d made. When she saw the hints of a struggle, she removed her hands again. “Breathe.”

While he took in air again, her hand crept back to his cock, teasing and pulling where it was already half swollen. He moaned and she made a muffled sound of delight, something between a giggle and a contented murr.

“Breathe. Breathe out.” This time it was her mouth, not her hand that sealed his mouth. He’d kept a little air, which she breathed out for him, through her nose, and then drew in a breath, feeling her corset creak as her chest expanded, feeding him.

He made almost no movement, only cringing back into the bed, but holding himself at her mercy. She was alert and careful, watching everything he did, making sure he weakened but never truly slipped too far. His eyes were wild and wide, fearing even though he could push her off with one arm, and his cock stayed snap-stiff with hardly any attention.

She tugged of the little scrap of stretchy lace, now wet through, tossing her panties off the bed and rubbed her groin to his, letting the wetness and the grooves of her cunt tease and slide him into the right position, before letting him sheath inside her. Perched over, and around him, her hands went back to his mouth again, stealing his air and squeezing inside. “Breathe. Breathe out.”

She alternated then, only wriggling her hips when his air was stolen, so that each gasp was made as she loomed over him, smiling. “You want to come, don’t you?”

He didn’t waste air talking, nodding as he sucked in greedy breaths before she took it away again.

“Come then, come in me.”

The orgasm was violent, twisting him into an arch bend, head rolling back, open mouth breaking the air seal on her hand. She took them away, finally, and let him finish spasming that way, pulling in air even as all his strength was stolen from him.

He was pale, and sweat dappled, while her palms were clammy from his exhalations. She kissed him again, this time feather light, slipping her weight off of his as she shifted to his side. “Breathe. I’m done.”

Reader Letter: Embracing Femdom As A Beginner

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So this question popped up in my fetlife feed, and with the original author’s permission I reprinted.

So, I have a lot if issues. I’m new to all this and really need a mentor in general. [To keep things short] I’m going to try my best to narrow things down and hopefully find some help that way. For one, I’m kind of shy. I like to get to know people before I’m comfortable enough to act “dommy” around them. And then I also like to take other people’s feelings and abilities into consideration. I guess you could call me a soft domme? But then all of that just causes issues for me, like people expect me to be a super dominatrix bitch right away, or they expect me to make all the rules and boss them around. What do I do with all this? How do I get over this shyness so people will actually take me seriously and not call me a fake all the bloody time? Then, if someone actually gets past that, I’m not sure what to do with them. They usually suggest that I give them tasks or whatever, but it’s always sexual, and I’m not interested in sex all that much. What I really like is the aspect of control. Anyway, in short, I don’t want my D/s relationships to revolve around sex. So what I can do? And what are some tasks that I can give them to do that aren’t as sexual? 19FDomme

Hi, 19FDomme!

Figuring out how to get what you want is a challenge at any age. Being a dom, especially a female one, means dealing with a whole bunch of expectations and stereotypes that may stand in your way. As you’ve probably already noticed, there’s a lot of expectations put on us to be “in role” from day 1 and develop some sort of persona rather than simply relaxing and being yourself. Part of finding satisfaction as a Dom is getting past what others want for you and discovering what you want. When it comes to diagnosing your problem, I want you to think about this sentence. You wrote: What I really like is the aspect of control. 

This is very reasonable and a huge part of dominance as a personal identity- it’s no wonder people trying to use you as a fetish dispensing machine are boring and frustrating you! A key part of dominance is the near addictive draw to that sensation of power. It might be benevolent and nurturing, or it might be sadistic, but it can also be one of the most challenging parts of getting your needs met.

The first thing to remember is that submissives are not interchangeable, so things not working out with one sub does not mean you are a bad dom or not a dom. Building a D/s dynamic is about finding someone you work well with, and no one relationship is a perfect copy of anyone else. This can feel frustrating, because you are probably bombarded with attention and loads of guys are promising they really want to submit, but most of them are just asking you to fill their fetish needs. Even if they are ready, eager and willing to try to make you happy, at this point, no knowing you, all they can offer is suggestions based on what they want and what porn tells them you want. This can make the whole thing seem not for you.

Unfortunately, beyond the problem of getting to know people well enough to actually serve them, rather than the abstract idea of a dom, inexperienced subs will also forget that doms are people too and may act pouty if they don’t get the fantasy they were expecting. Because of this, you may feel like you have to put on an aggressive, unapproachable persona with everyone you meet in order for possible play partners to take you seriously. Actually, you can consider not doing that your idiot filter- the ones who expect you to be Mistress WhippyBitch straight off the bat really don’t care who is dominating them- and have demonstrated they don’t want to take the time to get to know you.

Dominance is intimate, and it’s vulnerable. It involves being capable of being selfish, and admitting that you want things badly enough to have someone do it for you. Meanwhile, wanting to care about your sub’s needs and feelings doesn’t make you a weak dom, it makes you not a raving pyschopath. Pornography (and the marketing copy of professionals) gives the impression that dominants are unyielding bullies with zero empathy and a constant presence. It can be natural to be very shy about your dominance if you feel like you have to overcome that public perception! Any sub that calls you ‘fake’ for being who you are instead of their fantasy is not worth your time. That’s because being a dom is not about what their kinks mean to them, it’s about what your desires mean to you.

For most people, BDSM is sexual. I don’t know, in your case, whether for you it’s a psychological power trip, or you’re just not particularly promiscuous with your favours. Be that as it may, it’s okay to want to do things your way because it’s your sexuality/personality and that’s going to be constant even when you are single. While professionals excel at packaging femdom into a one size fits all approach, finding something that works for you is about finding your own kinks. You said get the most satisfaction from a sense of being in control- so if you want to build on that you need to develop what sort of control you want. Power can be about giving people things, or about denying them.

Here’s some very basic advice in that line:

1) Take the time to educate yourself about what is and isn’t okay regarding limits and safety advice. That way you will feel secure knowing how to keep your sub protected while being able to call out nonesense when you encounter it.

2) Confidence is born from being able to feel in control of yourself. I already talked about recognizing time wasters and learning to banish them. You should also decide what your standards are and commit yourself to being willing to cut people off who disappoint you – with reasonable expectations, subs being idiots to you will no longer feel like you failed and you’ll save your energy for the ones who are worth it. You can also know that you are going to be extremely desireable to your potential partner – good subs are worth their weight in gold to a dominant, but you don’t have to put up with “eh, close enough!”.

3) All that fetish stuff- the tying people up, etc… is about creating a feeling. You should only do it if it helps create the feeling you want to experience in you as well as in your partner. If it isn’t your kink and it doesn’t make you happy, you are not less dominant for saying no.

4) Do the leg work in your courtships because it lets you control for interactions more so than if you just sit in a chair waiting for subs to petition you. This may sound all awkward and weird, but start with a few positive comments and the mere fact that you made the effort will get them standing up to attention. On the other hand, don’t let people mistake passivity for submission- it’s okay for subs to get fulfillment out of your planning and aggression, but they should never make you feel like some sort of under paid manager and entertainer.

5) There is no such thing as a free lunch, so make sure that subs trying to ‘serve’ you are clearly understanding and expressing what they get out of it. A common route for wasting time is the service-for-fetish bargain a lot of people are offering. Service can be many things, but it’s supposed to be a tangible gesture of a sensation of subjugation or worship, not a work exchange.

6) Don’t express yourself sexually or socially the way you think dominants are supposed to want it- own what you want. If your personality is mousey and soft, don’t let other people force you to speak louder to be more dominant- make them stop and listen to your whisper.

7) Lastly, watch out for the hype- once one’s confidence is built up, it’s easy to buy into the idea the idea that dominance puts you above inputs from subs. Outside of a pre-agreed upon dynamic they are your equals and even then, don’t let yourself miss out on all the valuable guidance and feedback your partners have to offer.

9 Reasons to Block and Delete a Sub Sending You a Message

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letter2Female dominants get messages, partnered or unpartnered, searching or trying to hide. In honour of the recent batch of crazy letters and threats, I’ve created a quick guide for new femdoms for signs you should save yourself the trouble and delete the message now. If any of these nine behaviors have come up in the guy’s efforts to talk to me, I’ve never found any good was going to come out of the interaction.

1) Tries to rapidly escalate or control the conversation medium. If you’re on a dating site, they try to push for an in person meeting immediately. If you’re online, they try to get you to give them more contact information right away or keep pushing to switch to another medium, eg going from email to chat, or guessing at your geographic location (such as “did I see you on X street?”)

Why this is bad: Taking the time to feel comfortable is important when you’re getting to know new people, among many things because it lets you figure out who they are on your own terms. Someone who pushes you this way doesn’t care about this and may even want you to disregard something about them you would pick up on if you took your time.

2) Instantly appears enamored of you and/or tries to force a D/s dynamic right away. They greet you with loud and hyperbolic praises, more so than simply a polite, respectful compliment or two – or they start trying to sub to you right off the bat. Alternatively, within a handful of messages you are, according to them, the best person they have ever met.

Why this is bad: An actual attachment to someone takes knowing them – anything else is fantasy they’ve created in their heads. The problem with being put on a pedestal this way is that if you do anything to topple off your perch, you are put at risk for them not being able to handle reality.

3) Only seems to know about femdom from porn. They have a particular, rigid understanding of roles and relationships and seem startled when anything deviates from their script. For example, they don’t seem to know negotiated limits are a thing or think dominants and subs are a special class of people under different rules than everyone else.

Why this is bad: If we were a few decades ago, the lack of material available would make this attitude slightly more forgivable. These days, the sheer wealth of knowledge presented to the newly self identified as kinked means that anyone with an internet connection can find scads of teaching resources. Therefore it shows a disproportionate willingness to let what they want to be true be the case, and more to the point, they’ve absolved responsibility for themselves.

4) Instant or whirlwind courtship commitment. From the word go they are already sure you are the one. They will relocate, marry you, whatever. Their heart is, according to them, true, and belongs only to you. This is probably combined with #2 – in their eyes you are the best and most beautiful and they want your collar NOW.

Why this is bad: Once again, this person is chasing a feeling more than trying to have a meaningful, nuanced relationship. This also tends to be a pattern in people with personality disorders- super epic passion followed by a crash when they stop being able to sustain things.

5) Claims they “read all your profile” or writing, but can’t answer simple questions about it, or takes and approach counter to what you’ve written about yourself and your preferences. You say you want a poly relationship and they talk about monogamy. You say you are a down to earth tomboy and they talk about how feminine you are. You say you hate being called titles and they open with ‘Mistress’.

Why this is bad: Being forced into being a fantasy prop is a perennial problem for femdoms, and also this sort of nonsense is proof of the person’s willingness to lie to you from the start, instead of saying “I liked what I read so far”.

6) You have a really bad feeling about this. Something feels off, but you can’t put your finger on it and you feel bad about not giving them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they are just awkward or have a socialization disorder?

Why this is bad: Trust your gut. Women, in particular, are taught to disregard symptoms of dislike and make nice and forgive. Protect yourself. Even if you feel like a meanie – adults with social problems aren’t automatically allowed to put you at risk by trying to be open minded and most actually awkward people are balls of blushing apologies, not the type of people who make you feel itchy under your skin.

7) They have nothing nice to say about other people. All the other femdoms were findoms or fakes. They were crazy or ugly. You’re different of course! Not like their bitch ex- or their wife who’s a prude, their abusive parents or shitty boss.

Why this is bad: Everyone knows some bad people in their life, but if all the people they know are horrible by their description it’s statistically more probable they are the problem. and cross them and you will be just another fake who hurt them, according to what they tell the next woman.

8) They start telling you what to do, or expressing really strong preferences about other people or you. Maybe it’s phrased as introducing themselves, but they want to make sure you know that they like a particular thing, for example they start worrying about you getting fat or thin, they make appearance based suggestions or offer unsolicited critiques.

Why this is bad: This person is a controlling jerk who thinks they are just being honest. they won’t care about you except such that they can cram you into the shape they wish you were.

9) They want to talk about what gets them or you off in detail right away. You get asked to describe scenarios, share your fantasies, or they just won’t STFU about co-eds in ballet flats or busty trans leatherwomen.

Why this is bad: Wanker! This person is going to try to use you to titillate them. If their fantasy talk is all you want, good, but don’t expect things to get better or to focus on anything other than immediate gratification.

With this sort of winnowing in mind, consider it a chance to save your valuable time for only the worthwhile people. And remember, you don’t owe anyone a chance more than you deserve to feel safe.

What did I miss? What are your favourite signs that things just not going to go well?

Reader Letter: Ronald Gill Follow Up

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So as a follow up to me going public with Ronald Gill, as mentioned in my last blog post, Ferns of Domme Chronicles mentioned on twitter this little pustule was blistering up her inbox as well -although he was being relatively innocuous, if trying to rush interactions with her like a creep is to be considered normal. Upon Ferns discovering his behavior towards me, he obviously got told to hop it.

And of course he decided to flip his wig and send me a long, rape threat laden rant in response.

Pearl,
Fuck face, how are you cunt?  That was a neat post and I love my name (which obviously is not mine anyway) being posted on your website/blog.
Should I thank you for that?  Perhaps not.  Perhaps I should let you suck my cock for free.
Perhaps United Nations must award you for some great work for your research on my location you ugly cunt..seriously..wait..I am not joking..lol.
So you think posting about me on your blog will not stop me from meeting you soon and raping the sit out of you you dumb ass? lol
Nice try though, I expected a coward like you was at least capable of doing that you dumb fuck. Lol
Who cares who your ex is?  Who cares who the whore you are?
The fact is Pearl is a whore as much as sun rises in the east.
Did a dog rape your mom or did your father rape a donkey?
Well Pearl, nice try though, dumb ass.
You proved yet again that you are a filthy piece of shitty fuck meat, who will have a hot iron rod plunged deep into your pussy soon.
Try more, post more if you like.  Will that make you find me?  Sure, when I will be raping the shit out of you you hag.
Ron

Aww, muffin! Apparently it didn’t occur to him that doms talk to each other.

He’s also particularly fixated on the WHORESWHORESWHORES aspect, as well as rape and miscellaneous animals – methinks he moonlights as a Game of Thrones villain when he’s not camped out being rejected by femdoms. Because I can bet large amounts of money every single interaction he’s ever tried with a woman online has resulted in her ignoring him through to outright blocking.

And that’s going to happen when he creates a new persona that’s not “DrRonald” the medical missionary, because he’s going to give off the exact same sketchy, off vibe I got the first time he hit my inbox, and the same pushy, stupid cliche and porn fed approach that causes anyone but a professional with the patience of Buddha to auto delete (and most pros to delete with extreme prejudice as well).

I do, however, feel sorry for the women who are new to this. For people like Ferns and I, it sucks, but it’s like the legally permitted amount of animal wastes in human food – it’s there but you generally just try not to think about it. But I’d hate to think if he was your first message and not the 300th time you’ve dealt with the whip around “waah, you don’t want me so now I hate you!”

Of course I’m not particularly concerned that he will actually physically come to my location- the serial and absurd levels of lying means that he’s clearly someone usually happily buried in a fantasy life- probably not very geographically mobile at all, probably trying to hid from the miserable limitations of knowing he’s an unfortunate human being- and indeed as Wildcard observed, these outbursts of crazy are on profile with the reactions of someone lashing out when their delusions are called into question.

Regardless, the [email protected] and all his other aliases (eg “drronald777” on skype, or rudyk) are done, at least in so far as their being a public record of his behaviour. Even before he went nuts, both Ferns and I smelled a rat and looked him up within a few messages- and I really can see the name-n-shame approach is really the best way of handling this sort of abusive nonsense.

Crazy Messages: Why Ronald Gill will never find a femdom

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So a couple of weeks ago, I got another contender for the spot currently occupied by “Jeremy Smith”. For a little while I hesitated to publish this for a number of reasons. First of all, the challenge with getting crazy, entitled messages is that the people who send them probably know better already. As I’ve stated in my FAQ, abusive messages result in naming and shaming. I don’t feel particularly mean here- this isn’t doxing as the guy has m4femdom ads under several versions of this name or other names than Ronald Gill an easy Google search away. Plus, there’s a lot of advice oriented around not poking the crazy after it shows its true colours. And this guy decided what I really needed in my life was a rape threat.

Now as far as messages, Ron opened with yet another standard, relatively innocuous plea that I appear to be genuinely into this stuff, although he didn’t really provide any information about himself other then the field he worked in, and the sort of grammar structure that hints ESL, suggesting this was an international solicitation.  Basically just spam, since I’m not exactly hanging out a shingle saying ‘dominant for all”, but the sort of thing that happens because if you are apparently female that means that people think you want to be partnered with them with a little coaxing.

In so far as unsolicited come ons, I have a policy of declining people with an actual response, and if their approach is too far off the mark, telling them so. In Ron’s case I was mostly baffled why he thought I was interested and told him as much, querying why he thought I’d want a complete stranger in a geographically remote location.

Contact with him merely made him think he was being considered, and I learned he was under the impression that Wildcard and my Ex were the same person, that I had made Wildcard into my slave after a breakup. Ron was apparently all set to make the jump from Seattle to Canada based purely on my status as a female dominant. Now as a relationship progresses that might not be unhealthy goal for an LDR, but keep in mind this guy was anxiously waiting for  yes so he could file for a transfer at his job- before he new my real name or even whether or not I wasn’t  raving psychopath. But, he claimed, there just wasn’t anyone available in Seattle.

For anyone sensible, warning bells were already sounding when someone living in a major american city claims to have only met professionals and findoms. Not even “I’ve met many nice dominants, but they all seem to be in relationships/do not suit” but that this guy genuinely seems to think what he met was all there was, and his reading comprehension was just a little teensy bit off in ways that were very self serving.

Suffice to say, I turned him down, and then when he asked what was wrong with me, told him not to contact me again. To which he responded with this gem:

Hi Pearl,
Where do you live?  No, seriously, where?  Coz, I want to come and rape you you fuck faced ass holed slut..LOL.
Ron

At this point I would describe him as not so much unhinged, as having completely lost his doors and shutters, and possibly the roof to boot. The sad part is that this is not exactly abnormal behaviour from men receiving a no. You get used to the “fuck you, you’re ugly anyways” as your personal choice after being is taken as some sort of cruel and unsolicited judgement of their value as a person

But this is one of those cases where you know the guy is his own worst enemy. I don’t know how much of his public persona is a fabrication- he claims to be a doctor and/or working for a medical non-profit, but writes like he’s got a head injury. There’s a couple of years of scattered online dating profiles, all of the “plz dom me” kind, placing him in India, which suggests this is equally likely his wank account and he isn’t coming anywhere near any of the North American femdoms he’s hoping will be interested in him. But, I’m posting this primarily because it’s always been useful to me to know I’m not alone when someone is proving beyond a shadow of a doubt why they should never be alone with a woman.

8 Things You Could Be Doing To Help Find A Femdom

by

Did you try checking behind the curtain?One of the first questions people ask after realizing that they have submissive fantasies is how they can find a femdom. The standard advice, which nobody can escape, is that you’ve got to meet a lot of people until something clicks.

On the other hand, if you’ve been looking for a while and nothing’s working, here’s 8 basic tips for increasing the chance of meeting your match as well as what to do now to help make it work better when you do find her. Because there’s no sense in self sabotage or ineffective effort.

Can’t find a femdom? Are you doing these eight things?

  1. Participate in your local and/or online BDSM community. Thanks to the magic of the internet, even if you live in a tiny country with a small, conservative population, chances are there are at least an online community in your area devoted to kink. The reason why you should do this is because at the very least you won’t feel completely by yourself, and when you do find the femdom of your dreams, you will sound more sane and knowledgeable. BDSM is a very simple thing that a lot of people make overly complicated, and hearing from other kinksters will also give you more of a sense of what’s out there- as well as what to avoid.
  2. Talk to all the people, not just the dominants. If you use kinky communities to just try to talk to only what seems to be femdoms, you are not only missing out on some interesting people, but you are missing out on the hidden pool of kinksters, tops, switches and so on. Even just making friends, it also helps because even if you don’t meet someone directly, other people may introduce you to them based on “X seems cool!”. Meanwhile, if you only try to date openly kinked, you exclude all the women with the potential to rock your submissive socks who don’t currently have the vocabulary to describe what you both like. All these people you are ignoring by only pursuing obvious dominant  women *might* actually be into what you are looking for, and treating it like a numbers game and trying to enjoy the socializing for its own sake will make you calmer than if you hold out for Miss Perfect Domina Pants and ignore Suzy Switch, Katy Kinkster and Vanessa Not As Vanilla As She Seems.
  3. Define what you are looking for in a D/s relationship beyond generic labels. Do not rely on simply looking for someone who identifies as a dominant or expect everyone to know what you mean as far as kinks, when you call yourself a submissive. One of the biggest problems people deal with when looking for a femdom is that they tend to think of the role as being universal- with every relationship looking like the ones they imagine in their head. When you do find a femdom, you should not make the mistake of assuming just because someone is dominant they want to do everything you want. Similarly, it’s a lot easier to get some casual experience with various things like impact play if you don’t just tell people “I wanna be a sub” but you focus on things like “I want to know if I enjoy spanking for real as much as I imagine I do.”
  4. Make your online profiles about you. When you’re writing profiles or otherwise have a chance to present yourself as a potential sub, think in terms of the text on the back of a book. A good blurb tells you what the book is about. It does not tell you about the sort of customer the publisher wishes would buy the book. It doesn’t tell you the scenario they envisage you reading the book in. Similarly if you simply describe the sort of dom you want to meet or just focus on sexy suggestions that gives potential doms nothing to work with. Meanwhile your main profile photo is the cover on a book- stolen porn is like a generic stock art cover that gives the reader little information.
  5. Don’t wait to meet a femdom to start exploring. A lot of newly self identified subs think the first step is finding a dom to show them the literal ropes. Even if your very important celebrity-political-childcare-job keeps you from active BDSM scene participation, you should take the time to learn more about kink safety. It’ll also help you to know what to ask for and what to expect- and don’t forget that not all dominants are super experienced- many doms benefit from a partner who lets them practice and are nervous about being asked to be super experts.
  6. Take the time to work on yourself as a person. Plenty of guides to new subs tell you to meet minimal grooming standards and so forth, but you probably don’t need to be told to shower or wear pants. However, beyond the basics, when you finally do find a femdom, you’ll be able to build a relationship with a more solid foundation if you take the time to look after yourself first. Whether tamping down those pesky anxieties that plague all of us, or loving yourself enough to invest in achieving your other goals, you’ll be a much happier person, which will make you more inherently attractive to others. Come on, you deserve it. Even if all you want to be is property, you’re valuable property.
  7. Focus on people who are compatible with your entire life, not just your kinks. A lot of people forget that the bedroom is only one part of an entire relationship- even if you have sex every day that’s only about one hour out of 24 and you still need to have something to talk about beyond BDSM and how hot she is. You can afford and deserve to be picky, and generally you’ll be a lot happier with someone you connect with than someone who is your perfect kink match on paper.
  8. Work on smaller goals, not bigger goals. A huge mistake a lot of sub guys make is going from fantasy to trying to end up own, collared and buried in intense commitment. While you shouldn’t message random women looking for a flogging on demand, going in the opposite direction and seeking immediate extreme commitment is like being the stereotypical crazy person who tells you the names of the kids you will have on your first date. Look for having short term fun with people who deserve your respect- you are auditioning partners as much as they are auditioning you.