All posts in category O Thinking

Femdom Nouvelle and Beyond BDSM

There are moments where kink gets frustrating because no label is ever a good enough fit to eliminate the “yes, but…” factor. I’m a femdom, but… I don’t dress or act like a porn cliché. Is that a “Real Femdom“? Well, making that claim is as bad as calling yourself a Real Woman, since you […]

Don’t Fear The 50Shades Newbies

With the long promised movie coming up, internet BDSM communities are continuing the ongoing tizzy about how terribly awful bad this phenomena is for kink, particularly how we are going to expect a barrage of innocents any day now, who will totter in all starry eyed and come into some sort of unspecified calamity based […]

Do Dominants Have All the Power in BDSM?

One of the most common questions in kink, particularly when you are trying to convey the concepts to newbies or people outside of kink, is who really has the power in a D/s relationship. There’s differing opinions on that. The default people tend to go to is “The dom, duh, that’s their job!” but it’s […]

30 Days Of Kink: The Whys, The Whats and the Maybes

Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you?  Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to? It’s my sexuality, and I find myself repeating this a lot. That being said, kink-as-a-set-of-expectations provides a codified structure to try to qualify and quantify and abstract emotional concept and a […]

On Scamming Findoms And What They Say About Femdom

Brace yourself, I may bloviate a lot here. After a discussion on fetlife about malesubs being irked at all the scammy women demanding money just for declaring themselves to be dominants, or to consider a guy’s submission. If you’ve been living under a rock, this is a thing. It’s a thing far more than the […]

The Scars That Contain and the Scars That Sustain

Today I’m going to talk about scars. Not the flesh kind that give the physical body its unique character and where an injury didn’t quite correct itself on the skin, but where the scar is ripped or worn into your psyche. Reading based on stereotypes, it’s not a ‘done’ thing to be a dominant and […]

Me and Poly (And Monogamy, and Sorta-Monogamy)

So, what am I, anyway? I am complicated when it comes to the subject of monogamy. Personally I don’t think I’m one of nature’s 100% monogamists, but I’m not fully cut out for full bore sharing. A recent fetlife thread asked readers to justify monogamy, which I think is a good leaping off place. Why […]

Topping From All Angles (And A Bit Of How I Dom)

Let’s talk about topping from the bottom. Recently I did tentative discussions about stuff with someone about kinky fun times- the usual things about what happens to whom, and how. and, over the course of very gentle exploration, we discussed that there were things he liked, yes, but he didn’t want me to think he […]

Queen Hatshepsut’s Strapon, “Penis Envy”, Penetration & Me

I like my strapon harness. It’s made out of sporty materials so I can just run it through the washing machine, and the O-ring system gives me a great ability to adapt. Putting stuff into people’s orifices is fun. I like penetrating people and pegging them. Of course, because I’m also unable to have sex […]

Why Feminism and BDSM Go Together Well

Oh Noes, Feminisms! Red Alert! Say feminism, and 95% of your audience battens down their hatches like you said “hurricane”, or finds something else suddenly very, very interesting. Like the carpet, or their own shoes, or that urgent appointment they just remembered to alphabetically file all the food in their pantry. At least, as a […]