So I’ve decided to explore service as a kink.
Specifically, I’ve been thinking about a fussy kind of valet/maid scenario, more Downton Abbey than anything more explicitly fetish. Wildcard is not a service submissive, being more of a bedroom sub, or as I often put it, strictly decorative. So, after discussing the matter with him and giving it more thought than is probably even reasonable, I composed and ad and posted it up on fetlife.
I’m looking more for a shorter term arrangement, and not a secondary relationship- basically a friend who wants to experiment and not a full time sub. I have a very clear picture in my mind of what I want, and a long list of things I don’t like.
There’s a lot to unpack in this for me. In the first place, as much as I don’t mind and even enjoy Wildcard’s extracurricular activities, the idea of sharing him with him having a full time sub makes me feel slightly distressed, so similarly I don’t think it’s a good place to try to run a concurrent relationship even if he’d tolerate imbalance. On that, I worry that I’ll be offering possible people a bad deal because I can only offer a limited amount of myself.
But it might be enough, so why not try it anyway?
Before setting out on this I tried to do a lot of research particularly with Tilari, of “How Not To Suck A Service Submission“, an expert on the subject matter, and she was kind enough to tell me a bit about what makes up a good ad, and a good request. She suggested that a good thing to aim for would be to be very clear about my guidelines and what I was looking for. That means down to laying out the kind of tasks I was interested in and my expectations instead of just referencing a “service sub”.
I think this is pretty reasonable- and it also meant a good excuse to talk about what I expected to give back in explicit terms, as well as to address the sort of trade for the “exchange” part of the power exchange. For me, I find the idea of acting like a dominatrix sterotype gross, but I see the sub’s fulfillment as essential to a healthy relationship.
I’m not looking for a naked house cleaner, but neither did I want to assume that me being a dom should be enough.
You’ll see the ad I created, after the jump…
Wanted Maid or Valet Of All Work
Dominant woman in heterosexual relationship seeks service oriented submissive for domestic themed service. Scope of activities and tasks flexible according to applicant’s needs and limits, but will include at least light housekeeping with a “Downton Abbey” flavour.
Me: Female, strong features, dark hair, brown eyes, pale as snow. Dominant Sadomasochist, kink writer/blogger. Somewhere between hetero-flexible and bi. Allegedly projects excellent dominant aura, secret stuffed animal collection as well as not so secret collection of BDSM toys. Lover of tea and playing the grand lady. Primary instigator of this plan and most bossy person in the house.
Him: Male, handsome, bearded, slim and with skin the colour of warm sand. Switch leaning dominant, straight as a ruler, spanking specialist, chef extraordinaire. If you ever wanted to learn how to take your cooking from good to amazing, follow him around the kitchen. Uses “Miss” as pillow, designated incubus and pet crocodile. Consider him the bonus extra dom if you happen to be into dudes and female, if not, he just lives here and feeds me.
The House: Montreal apartment with old bones and modern appliances, metro accessible, no pets unless you count petplay.
Us: References available on request from various members of the Montreal Kink Community.
Note: Direct contact/play is not mandatory with either of us, but do keep in mind that we live in the same house.
Tasks & Fetishes May Include
- General cleaning (windows, floors, dishes, dusting, etc..)
- Wearing maid/valet uniforms
- Fussy domestic things (napkin folding, flower arrangement)
- Tea serving
- Standing around looking proper
- Other tasks according to ability
Additionally, the right candidate may have the opportunity for the following
- Impact play (moderate through to severe)
- Light bondage
- Sexual interference by the Master/Mistress as per mutual agreement including -orgasm denial, forced orgasm, fondling, teasing, exhibitionism (special occasions only)
- Verbal humiliation or praise as per fetishes of the recipient (good boy/stupid whore)
- Body care (providing massage, manicures, pedicures, hair styling)
- Wearing of kitty ears/animal extras with uniform, because ADORABLE
This is not a paid or for pay position- tribute is strongly discouraged, although in keeping with theme I might give you a “box” on boxing day.
Candidates should be aware that a D/s dynamic is a mutually agreed on subject. I am not your Mistress until we both agree. No obedience/submission needed or desired until after consent is granted.
Play with safe words and all appropriate safety measures is mandatory.
Please be upfront about your limits and needs- the point behind this is to make me feel dominant and you feel submissive.
(I pretty quickly realized that the people responding were largely into a fetish I don’t share and had to add an amendment,)
Edit: While I don’t make the trans/cis distinction for gender, I do not have an interest in CD/TV, sissy or any other M2f cross dress. Sorry!
I got a lot of responses, some completely daffy, almost all from men, and some perfectly reasonable, but I’ve yet to have time to take anyone up on more than online discussion. Probably one of the most interesting parts of this for me is the sudden “wait, wait nooooo…” reaction I got only after the fact, when gentle indications of interest started to show up from nice seeming guys. Wildcard, for his part pointed out that just maybe I was doing the thing where I won’t let other people do nice things for me because that would be the Worst Thing Ever.
So the ad is out, the replies have started to come in and i get to arrange to meet some of these poor buggers. And hey, I’ll have some unfortunately hilarious messages to share too!