O Dear

Those things that deserve a cringe in kink and BDSM.

More Gems From Femdom Society (Part 1)

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So I thought that before I deleted my account at Femdom Society I’d check out their much vaunted “University”. Because hey, they might charge you almost eight bucks a month, but that part’s free! Let’s take a peek at Freshman class #1 for doms….

Before We start, We want You to know Our system is complex in structure. Submissive’s do not have access to this section of the website. It is exclusive to Dominant Women. Use the information in these classes to Your advantage. As a Superior Woman, however, You do have access to both sub and sissy Universities.

Ooooookay…

Let us get started! This Lesson covers some basic facts that may surprise You. Facts which prove not only that Women are superior to men, but that Our current society is in the midst of a rapid power exchange. In the next few years We will see a complete turn around in Women’s and men’s roles.

Huh? Okay. Then they get into a history of modern progress towards gender equality dressed as proof of female superiority. And then we get to the meat of this wank fest that wishes it were a conspiracy:

The power exchange between dominant Women and submissive men is not founded solely on sexual basis. In reality, it is grounded on the dynamics of who holds the power. The purpose of this Society is to help educate Women on how to overcome the misconceptions, how to over-step the long looks from those in society who do not embrace these changes, and to help You blossom within that which is the natural order of events. Those who embrace this Society are dedicated to the development of a complete Society in which men are merely servants to the every need and desire of Women. The level at which You embrace this is entirely up to You, but from those of Us further down the path, please know the more You learn, the more dynamic and exciting Your life will become. The more You implement these practices into Your relationship, the deeper the bond between You and Your man will be, and there will be a day when You look back and realize that Your relationship is a great deal more secure, a great deal more satisfying, and a great deal more honest than it ever used to be.

Shut up. Are you fucking kidding me? World domination through cam shows and shitty profile beauty pageant competitions. Well, nobody would suspect! Just an innocent front of female sexual objectification in the name of the movement!

And then, onto the next freshman class, with a list of helpful terms. We learn things like:

Branding: A higher level of domination, it usually revolves around a ceremony in which a slave is branded with the mark of a Domme.

Feminization: Taking a cross dressing desire to a new level by forcing a slave to accept Female traits. This can include anything from eyebrow plucking to breast implants. Very common in long term relationships.

Whoever wrote this has no fucking clue what they’re doing. There’s no particular logic in what they do and don’t list, and while I do from personal experience it’s hard to be completely inclusive, the general idea that things are part of a natural order and not more of a buffet pervades the rest of the list.

Although Hollywood tends to feed off the sexual aspects of Female Domination […]

Not that this website is doing any differently now… It’s a confused mess. They follow with a bunch of old news articles about an increase of stay at home husbands, an article about a couple who like animal training and something about female leadership. Keep in mind that up until this point they’ve been banging a drum about female power and supremacy coming from the feminine.

A man wants to worship his Woman not just as an individual, but also for the Feminine power that She has to create life in Her body. That alone makes every Woman worthy of respect.

Urrrrrgh, because reducing women to their reproductive organs isn’t sexist…

If You want to succeed at this lifestyle, there is something extremely important to keep in mind: Your man WANTS You to be in charge. That means You have the power to create the rules and guidelines that he so craves for You to set. That means You can include the things You are comfortable with and exclude everything else, no matter what he says he wants.

Oh Sweet Jesus. People are paying money for this shit. Who wrote this… let’s see…

We want to thank Ms. Elise Sutton for Her input. A great deal of the information You have just read is from the ongoing wisdom of Ms. Sutton. 

AAAAAAAAUGH!!!

Femdom Society you are a fucking cancer on female dominance.

Website Review: Femmedom Society

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This is a bad website.

From the lurid pictures of sexy ladies plastered all over it, to the clunky web design and marketing copy designed to prey on lonely men, Femmedomme Society is everything that’s wrong with femdom. It also really goes back to my point that professional spaces marginalize non-professional femdoms. It’s like trying to date in the red light district- not a matter of competition as much as the fact that people with the expectations that come from having to pay make shitty “free” submissive boyfriends. I’m not saying visiting a sex worker ruins men or that sex workers are bad, but it makes a space that is actively hostile to non-pro when you try to jam all femdoms together.

And this website can’t really decide if I’m the product or the target market. Joining femmedom society is free, but the silver account is severely hamstrung and you’re encouraged to get a gold membership. Without one you can receive (but not respond to) messages and participate in the chat website. This is where the sneaky starts- accounts appear to default to saying you are a “gold” member regardless of your actual status. This might explain the trickle of messages from guys welcoming me.

Be that as it may, it’s not really doing much to sell to me, but using me as the product to attract men. It makes a big deal about the number of femdoms who have accounts there (GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS!) but neglects the fact that you basically can’t do anything with the site as far as meeting people unless you’re both paying. And it plasters sexy lady pics from here and yon- Guys, I’m not lesbian enough to find this interesting. Can we stop trying to sell kink with Hawt Ladies? It’s alienating, and in this sort of context it is pretty transparent I’m the product being sold.

The chat, incidentally, is built around cam shows. Again, not really a ‘lifestyle’ friendly set up unless that lifestyle person is an exhibitionist. This is another place the cracks start showing- it’s a vehicle for reaching customers more than a place for femdoms in general.

To their deference, FS tries their best to be useful by offering femmedom university, a series of BDSM 101 articles, complete with the ability to allow the subs participating to let the doms track their progress. For some reason they also feel the need to tell me that I will get “secret” information on making people submit, not shared with submissives… Urgh, no thanks.

Are you pedaling fiction or good advice, FS? This inability to actually see beyond the dynamic to the consenting adults doing it is another part of this shit that furthers problems. Seriously, it’s really hard on newbies when you match sensible information about limits and safewords with the idea that you are failing to be your sexual orientation if you don’t have the magic ability to make men do what you want.

As an aside, I think this is one of the hardest parts of kink- that everyone’s needs and desires can be radically different, and yet there’s the idea that submission is something you can unlock that way and it’s your measure of worth as a dom. The reality is that it’s like measuring your worth by making people horny or in love. It can be good to be able to work with someone you love to nurture their submissive feelings, but it’s like falling in love. Sometimes it’s not about you, but the other person.

FS also doesn’t miss a chance to try to suck money from submissive men. From trying to get them to buy the (allegedly gold member but not) women Platinum Memberships ($150 to get a girl’s attention? Kaching!) to explicitly telling them that dominant women would recognize their dedication if they bought a gold membership, there is the general problem of requiring submissives to part with cash to show their seriousness.

Sleazy, unethical and exploitive. And really crappy web design that looks years out of date despite a high monthly membership fee.  No thanks!

~Edit~

What had originally intended to be a one off review turned into a multi-post adventure, culminating in discovering that Femmedomme Society has something a bit more sinister than bad porn lurking in their closet.

Follow along, pilgrim!

 

If You’re Not Into It’s Really Fucking Annoying

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But honestly even if I were a femsub, some people’s approach would still make me a very angry woman.

I take dominants hitting on me really, really personally. I don’t know why, but it’s one of the fastest ways to get under my skin in the scene.

For example, at the last play party I was more than a little pissed to be asked repeatedly if I wanted to be spanked by a guy in a clown suit. The comedy of the situation does not escape me, but nonetheless, I wanted to scream at the guy. But, it’s also something I can’t really figure out if I’m too sensitive about or not. After all, dominants are dominant. I’m a dom. It’s not like there’s anything inherently wrong with it, right?

Argh, argh, argh!

I am sick of dom guys surreptitiously approaching me and asking me that… you know if I ever wanted to try the other side, they will be my manly and trusty escort. Or guys old enough to be my dad (or not) telling me they can see the submissiveness waiting to come out. For crying out loud, motherfuckers, I don’t tell you that I can see your inner submissive, like it was some sort of imaginary bra strap.

Even the “Where’s your collar, girl?!” trolls really don’t seem to understand how they come across, although that crew is so delusionally trying to live in Gor-land that they’re hardly my problem. It’s like- nooo, it didn’t possibly occur to me to try a widely available fantasy that is in half the romance novels I can buy, even before you factor in intentional kink stories like 50shades. Golly, Mr. Dom! A girl like me is ready to shuck it all off because you can’t relate to me in any way that doesn’t indulge your fetishes!

Not to mention that I don’t think these guys understand that without my consent, what they are proposing is a lot more threatening than say, just asking a girl out to the movies. Dude, you want to quasi forcibly sexually subjugate someone. I want to forcibly sexually subjugate someone. I at least have the self awareness that I don’t presume the entire damn universe shares my kink exactly the way I like it.

Like, sub guys can be creepy in their own special way, but at least the ones that don’t understand consent are largely only a hazard to my feet being undrooled on. They are not like Mr. Grabby hands “May I play with your hair?” who then was happily pawing my surgical stitches after I said an explicit no, because he couldn’t fathom that I said anything else but okay.

I feel like most male doms are perfect angels in this regard and don’t deserve the rant cannon, but those few bastards who can’t behave are a huge part of the more domly than-thou internal competition. You want to know why Ms. New Domme is acting like you shat on her dog because you deigned to speak with her? Some of it is because she might be a jerk and has been informed by porn that she needs to act like Mistress Bitchface, but I lay even odds that at least a factor of the apparent stick rammed up her ass is the very real awareness that without loud advertising people are going to assume she’s a sub. Not vanilla. Not a “kinkster” of no affiliation or a switch.

There is zero wrong with being a femsub, of course, but trust me, anything that decreases this sort of interaction is going to seem extremely inviting.

My Buttplug Is Dented!

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Once in a while I get the urge to shove things up my ass. Only I’m next door to virginal with this, so that means small, carefully selected toys. And since the urge only strikes when I’m really, really horny (in this case a reaction to stress alongside breaking out and stopping eating), normally they live in a bland as hell cardboard box.

So I’d reached that point in a post shower masturbation session where my hair was making a puddle in the pillow while my fingers were making a puddle between my legs, when there was the itch to do it.

A while ago I bought an anal starter kit. It was the worst shade of lurid, Pepto Bismo pink, and on a steep discount over at pinkcherry.ca. But, Doc Johnson signed off on this, and since $20 is not a bad price to pay for a bunch of things I can’t see anyway…

So I’m deciding among my options: I have the condom to go over the buttplug (hygiene), the off brand KY, and go rummaging in the box for the “big” one. Lest you think I’m a size queen, that’s about the girth of penis at its widest point and that’s too much for me.

Only it’s not exactly smooth anymore. It’s gone all ripply. Like there’s a pinch, or a crease or a big dent. Well… it was $20 for a set. Looks like being stored horizontally was too much for the structural integrity and the soft core squished. So there I was, really horny, stymied by my own cheapness.

Don’t worry, anal explorations were not hampered by Mr. Dimple. 😛

Hair Raising Yahoo BDSM Articles

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Yahoo, you're scaring me...Yahoo is alarming me today.

So as part of my mandate for this blog, I want to try to provide people with somewhat sane kink resources. I’ve been feeling pretty chuffed, and sometimes a bit outclassed lately by all the great advice that’s out there. But then I decided, for the purpose of a post I was putting together to go back to the basics and do a google search or two for information. What, after all, would a complete novice, who wasn’t neck deep in blogs and online groups find?

I googled “being the best submissive” because that was what I was looking for for the post I was writing.

Apparently, as part of the “Lifestyles” web content mandate they have, Yahoo has random contributor written BDSM advice articles cheerfully packed in next to Recycling and Food & Wine. I suppose this is not surprising, as BDSM is hardly anything alarming. It’s presented as basic instructions, often with titles like BDSM 101. So, it’s sex and relationship discussions for normal healthy couples, right?

Let’s check out some of their advice…

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