More Inbox Detrius And Spanking

It is a factor of the open and relatively accessibly nature of the internet that you will end up talking to people you never would have met outside the free flow of online communication. From feeling less alone in the company of fellow people with a shared perspective on your already uncommon sexual kinks to watching rage filled forum flame wars between an articulate but poorly informed 14 year old with infinite free time and a 45 year old academic who wouldn’t even let the kid into their classroom under normal circumstances, you end up alternating between feeling like you’re part of a fantastic global community and contemplating becoming a hermit.

And then there’s the inbox spam.

If you maintain a bunch of accounts on various kink communities, and you are female, you will receive various and sundry unsolicited messages from men. Much of these are drive by, copypasta trying the spam approach to find a femdom, case in point:

Respected Ma’am, I want to be your slave. My team viewer ID is 601 922 712 and psswd is 1101. Please accept me as your slave ma’am. I have been a sub or into this mentality ever since my puberty ma’am. I know am not privileged enough to be your slave, but please give me an opportunity ma’am. I read your profile and I want to tell you frankly that no matter how hard I try, I can never deny the fact that am longing to serve a mistress truly and be her permanent slave. Please provide me that opportunity ma’am.

(Note, if he actually read my profile he’d know that the sort of deal he’s offering is decidedly not my style, and the “team viewer” thing just feels like an accident waiting to happen). Hundreds of messages like this get sent out, much like how there’s an effort to convince you to buy cheap V1gra form Canada for potency, or my spam traps on my blog collect recycled news articles with links hawking designer goods.

Or you get the more banal:

Want a dish of ballz salad ?

Which is not so much insulting, as degrading to the twit that decided to send it out. I imagine that message was the grand achievement of the poor silly bugger’s day.

And you get dragged into the weird psychosis of people who are looking for a wank under their terms, like the person trying their best to convince me they were an Arab woman who wanted nothing more than to send me large amounts of money to be insulted by a superior white femdom. And sent me dozens of messages, from multiple user accounts being unable to figure out why I’m just ignoring them. And pretending to be someone else telling me how I should wear my hair in pigtails. Because nothing makes a dominant woman happier than a stranger telling her how to style her hair to turn them on.

Now in “hurt me for being an Arab’s” case I’ve always had a hard time with ethnicity/race play. It’s not that I can’t be that flexible, it’s that asides from having a twitch-delete reflex about messages from people presupposing to be from North Africa and South Asia (or really anything in a particular equatorial zone) after one too many unfortunate mash notes, my inclination is to try to find a character motivation- and not being at all inclined to think of people as inherently superior/inferior on those lines, well, I’m kinda a lost cause unless you want British Empire themed porn. I could, in a fit of whimsy, colonize the hell out of you, but it would be like trying to discriminate against people from Minnesota.

Then there’s the arrogant male doms. Not content to limit themselves to harassing female subs, there’s a particular cadre of guys among whom hope springs eternal and all women are fair game, or who specifically target femdoms. They tend to come in two flavours: fast creep and slow creep.

Fast creep is the very forgettable “nees bich” bloke, or the ones who otherwise proposition everyone and everything female seeming with no particular targeting. The result comes across  like a horny blind man feeling up tree galls, and similarly show up in your inbox with the “mistress i am so submissive 2 u” messages that accumulate like chip wrappers under a poorly maintained shrubbery. You also get the men who ask you if you want a discreet chance to sub to them, or the ones who say they want to explore the other side a bit and can’t seem to understand why you don’t want to be propositioned to spank strangers. No big deal, just tedious.

Slow creep, on the other hand, doesn’t ask you to submit right out the gate, and often claims to be extending a hand of friendship, wanted or not. Then then start trying to flirt by being bossy or by mansplaining how you are Doing It Wrong. This sort of man usually goes from being vaguely like a creepy jovial uncle at you, to telling you how he can see the submissive inside just waiting to come out, or some such rot.

Once again I’m on the receiving end of another presumptuous dominant asshat’s efforts to be friendly and helpful. This one is happily dictating to me how I’m going to fail at as a dom for liking someone. He started off by asking who owns me now and how, since I have my profiles set to “no! taken!”, to discourage people only looking for a relationship bitching about me being off the market and not warning them.

Then he sent this:

Once a Mistress like you “forms an attachment” then her Mistress persona is diminished.

I dare say your gentleman nemesis now has the upper hand. That’s not to say that he will be spanking you. But you know what I mean. He’s really the one in control now. Right?  🙂

How did this slave/sub / boy come to own you so badly?

I really love it when people who have no insight into my life feel the urgent need to tell me how it is and should be run. Not only do I choose not to ID under the title of “Mistress”, the whole concept of my dominance it being a “persona” I maintain is slightly alarming. Here, he is simultaneously arguing the harmful idea that D/s is powered by differing levels of affection and mansplaining the shit out of things to me.

I mean, theoretically as far as fitting into ideals, this guy’s “Master” persona is diminished by him acting like a giant douche canoe. This is also always the problem with “find a mentor” advice, because a lot of people try to express dominance through it and nominate themselves chief guiding light where it’s unwelcome, like this eager little glowworm is trying with me.

And I suppose I should address the “Spanking” thing.

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Reader Letter: More From Crazy Jeremy!

The guy who sent random hatemail last time appears to have become a regular fan- this time with thinly veiled rape and death threats from the comfortable anonymity of the internet, apparently after reading this scene wrap up:

(From “Jeremy Smith” or jeremysmith983@yahoo.com)

Subject line: What a cunt you are

Ever tried being on the receiving end of it as you say many domes do? Maybe you should be leashed just like the dog you are. Is the artists impression an accurate one? Even in a drawing, you’re better looking from the back.

Once again this poor foamy gentleman is deeply offended that I exist. By the way, that’s “Doms or Dommes” not “Domes”, Jeremy, but maybe it’s a challenge to type when your fingers are slippery with the mixture of drool, fecal matter and semen that seems to form the basis of your communication online. And yes, my dear little broccoli rot, I have have been on “the receiving end”. I know what I do feels like, in a wide capacity of what I get up to, and this is part of how I know my preferences. Also he appears greatly excited by the cartoon drawing of my ass.

Try encouraging Male Dom/female sub. Or are you one of those snotrags who tries to convey Male led D/s as domestic violence.

Why would a blog oriented around femdom focus on that? It would be like a baking blog talking about raw foods. Certainly I consider M/f a wider part of the community and you appear to be projecting some fairly serious psychological issues here. Did some social justice warrior femdom hurt your feelings some time back? It’s the second time he started whining about “Domestic Violence”. It also hints that he doesn’t read the blog and didn’t read my response last time.

As for [Your friend, who you topped with, with no identifying information, don’t worry, this creep is toothless]. The piece of shit isn’t a sick piece of shit with a name and “personality” like that? Consensual or not, the cunt is a sick piece of shit and I’D LOVE to give the whore a fucking good hiding.

Let me get this straight, you are bellowing incoherent profanity, advocating my rape and murder and implying you want to non-consensually beat women and somehow we’re the “sick” ones? Back to me now!

Why don’t sick shits like you ever get raped and murdered? Shouldn’t be a crime if it ever did to the likes of you filth.

Well, because there is such a thing like the rule of law. But more to the point you are clearly madder than a hatter and your humour value is rapidly diminishing as you go straight to advocating the death of your fellow humans. Which, you might be surprised, is actually illegal in most civilized corners of the world.

Does that club (or any other one you attend) cater to Male Dom/ female sub? Or are you just too scared and sexist to see or even acknowledge it. There’s plenty of outlets for it, both on the web and in real life, so F UCK YOU, YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT.

Yes, the club was a mixed gender party. People like yourself are not invited, and by this I mean obviously insane blithering morons. Also we see that the meat of his argument is repeated here, that he thinks my preference for femdom invalidates his for maledom. I’m pretty sure when he types out this screeds he feels deeply threatened and frightened that I will personally beat him.

But- Take That! I have been told that maledom exists! Evidently there are brave freedom fighterdoing errrmmm… just what I do but with more breast bondage/hitting and less cbt? Jeeze, Jeremy, I would have never figured that out without you!

Current evidence from other femdoms who’ve dealt with his screeching tirades, primarily through twitter but also in blog comments such as at Divorce Darling, is that his IP puts him somewhere in the UK, possibly Manchester. I’m pretty sure the language choices confirm that- he’s got that particular sort of mad British thing going on.

Obviously Jeremy Smith sounds like a pseudonym, but it’s largely irrelevant whether or not it is. He has one reason to exist and that’s to spray virtual spittle at female dominants, usually with cries of how unattractive they are (without having seen them) and the vaguely through to blantently misogynistic language of someone who is more desperately trying to hurt someone through any means possible and is trying everything to hope something sticks. According to Jeremy I am ugly, stupid and… he wishes I were a femsub.

One can infer from very much drive by comment/email behaviour that he’s not actually interested in conversing regarding his pet cause of messaging all the femdoms to shit in their inboxes. Often, in other people hate messages, he considers it a checkmate to ask if we’ve ever done this stuff as the victim, which is just confusing. Obviously the fact that there’s a guy so lost in his own madness that he thinks I need to have rape and murder wished on me (which from context he’s probably also wanking about) it’s kinda disturbing, but his ability to generate fear is hampered from his lack of specificity.

This one’s for you, Jeremy- take it way, Clever Pie!

Deranged Emails (Jeremy)

Usually I only get spam through the contact form for this blog. However, I must be doing something right- look at the crazy person who just sent me some fanmail!

Your hypocricy

Alas, spelling is the first thing to go when the neurons start to fry.

Being a jerk and sexism are discouraged. You right stories about arrogant, pervert SEXIST scum, you have tabs highlighting male suffering and feminism and you say sexism is discouraged. How would you define sexism if not through your sick, hypocritical garbage?Submitting not for you?

Come again? Yeah, I don’t really get any emotional fulfillment from subverting myself that way. I’m a masochist but a terrible sub. What’s that got to do with sexism?

In other words, your just a typical worthless reject fuckbag wind and piss who is about as useful as a cunt on a nun.

Because the only value of a woman’s genitals is their utility as a source of sexual enjoyment to others? Okay…

Pity YOUR junk isn’t locked up, although I suspect nature gave you the best chastity device when it gave you your face. Just be glad when nature gave you a face like a dogs backside, it gave you the substance that comes out of one for a brain.

Well then, clearly this guy doesn’t like porn stories and me being supportive to a friend who is sad his $600 chastity device broke. Apparently the only purpose women have, to him, is submission or sexual gratification. I’m pretty sure he enjoys neither in real life, but hope spring eternal on his part, I guess. Also, is he trying to neg me?

No tolerance of Male led D/s at all, or are you one of those feminist pigs who try to portryay Male led, M/f/ D/s reationships as DV? That’s domestic violence in case you’re too stupid to know.

So this person really, really doesn’t like femdoms, or maybe they don’t like people who aren’t switches. Or they simply can’t understand the difference between a sexual preference. Typically speaking “feminism” is like a dog whistle for a particular brand of fighty idiot who rapidly turns vile and violent, usually in a way that makes feminism inherently self justifying.

Sadly, the guy who calls himself “Jeremy” doesn’t limit himself to just me. Alas, femdoms across the interwebs are finding his bags of flaming shit in their in boxes, apparently mostly via twitter. Thus discovered by Goddess Olivia and last year, Girls Rule, Subs Drool.

Same modus operandi- screeches of “It’s not FAIR!” with a string of incoherent insults. Same email address with a generic name. Guess the group home lets them have access to computers to keep them integrated into society?

Conversation Openers That Will Not Help You Talk To Dominant Women

disgustedoldlady1) It’s so fantastic that you don’t charge money to dominate, not like those stoopid fake pros/findoms/etc… I recognize that the presence of a large number of sex workers can be jarring through to be depressing if you aren’t into paying. I get it’s intended to be a compliment, but it comes across as kinda weird- especially coming from a male dom who’s just trying to make conversation or if it ventures into bashing pro-doms. I’ve never disliked pros as a category just because I’m not one.

2) Wow! So young to be a dominant! That’s so unusual! Ditto. This is a context thing- mentioning there’s not a lot of younger dominants in your area isn’t going to get my dander up. commenting about how it’s such a strange sight that a young woman calls herself a dom is liable to get frosty ignores.

3) You know, if you want to sub, I promise not to tell anyone… No. Ick. Die in a fire. Trust me, when I get beat proper, I’m comfortable enough with my masochism to talk about my bruises with everyone. You know who doesn’t get to hit me or tie me up though? Creepy people who want to dominate me.

4)  wat do u like? I’m a snob. Sorry, I won’t attack you over typos or grammar mistakes, but there has to be a certain degree of coherence or me to maintain a conversation and/or attraction and language skills are a crucial part of the mating dance it takes to stimulate me. On another note, an opener asking me my fetishes seldom goes down well with any woman. That’s a conversation that’ll come up later if you’re worth it, don’t worry.

Femme Domme Society: Who the fuck is William?

Of course the crazy comments continue about how I’m a disgruntled former user- (they finally got off the butts and deleted my account after ranting for several days that that I was baaanned). A great deal of speculation and names I’ve never heard of are piled up: Lexi? William? And a theory is presented that I’ve been attacking the site as a prolonged project or that I might be (gasp!) Maymay.

It’s not clear if this is based on an attempt to create a slanderous narrative or if I’ve dug out more information about another one of their business deals gone sour.  I’m actually happy to have them share the details on that one (they promised voicemails), so I’m sort of wondering if this means that a real hapless William is now getting some hysterical threats in his inbox as well.

It’s like they’ve never heard of investigative reporting and can’t understand that the only ax I had to grind was disagreeing with their methodology. I do personally feel that sinking to the level of the opponent and say, interfering with various pro-doms businesses are wrong (please don’t book 1000 fake appointments or something) but calling female supremacists on their bullshit is perfectly fine.

One of the accusations they kept throwing at me was “why don’t you do your own thing then, huh?!” Which I kind of am. Of course I’m not a BDSM expert by a long shot, but neither are they and I don’t sell myself as one. If you’re that interested in my attempts to try to educate people about surviving kink you probably want to check out things like my FAbQ or the BDSM advice posts in general.

I imagine if there is any organized effort to regroup, my pseudonym is now due to be dragged through the mud. I imagine this is the acceptable consequence, although I almost wish they’d find one of my real faults to harp on.  I’m also not sure how to take threatening-non-threats from people using multiple user names under the same IP. I will imagine since poor MISTRESS VENGEANCE has blocked me on twitter that she’d prefer it if I left her alone and I intend to respect that.

I’m not sure about the other people freaking out- most of them are the same two people- Countess/MistressCandy69 and another slightly more articulate entity that keeps swapping genders (again with my case that there isn’t exactly a women’s world) and since the accusation leveled against FDS already claim that they love fake identities… I’m also getting a lot of random spam to the tune of “You’re a MAN!” I’m not really sure how this is supposed to be insulting- I gather they don’t understand the concept of a non-professional dominant but it’s not really helping them seem rational.

I have a few theories here- one is that I’m getting abuse from site owners trying to manage things (the wild “William!” stuff hints in that direction) and the other theory is that some hapless prodoms who use the site have also been sucked into it and are trying to deal with the crushing cognitive dissonance that they’ve been pulled into a con. Possibly a little of column A and a little of column B, but I expect a libel laden tirade or two to be flung up about how I’m really a man, a few criminal accusations tossed my way, etc…

Thus far my take away remains that the tragedy here is that frauds like this thrive in darkness. Everyone doesn’t want to get doxed, everyone’s using at least one fake name, and it’s a sad, sordid little party of human frailty.

Late to the party? There’s still sad, sad cake left over here:

Femmedomme Society: Digging Deeper (Part 4)

Well, it looks like FSD finally came around to spew their complaints into the comments section! In this particular context they seem to be under the impression I’m a person banned from the website with an axe to grind.

I’d intended to end with just the “University”, but Pagan Boy, of Pagan House, has delivered by digging out some documents related to just who is behind Femmedomme Society. As you might have guessed, it’s a man. What you might not have guessed is that it’s a man with a series of embarrassing court cases and a lousy reputation for ripping off business associates. So we don’t just have a shitty, misleading adult website out of dozens, of other pieces of crap just like it, we have a crook to boot. Lovely!

Now regarding the rather lengthy rap sheet: While it’s always a good idea to be skeptical, extracts from Colorado criminal reports and angry screams about scams do not really back up the claim that this is an effort to bring about a New FemmeDomme World Order.

But let’s take a look at the evidence Pagan Boy dug out for me:

Right now the company listed on the bottom on the webpage is FDS Partners Ltd. However, if you look for where the domain name is registered you get a completely different company, registered in the UK (Society 31 Limited)- it’s located in a London office building, with the name “Kevin Lorimer” as the director- and the only name. Now that company was apparently dissolved in 2010, but the individual is quite traceable. I’m normally not big on doxing people, but this is publicly available information.

We can easily follow him to Colorado, (while the “Retreat” the website makes a big deal out of is apparently located in Phoenix). There, of course, we get access to more of the sordid scandal that is this scheme. It appears that Mr. Lorimer is the boss of the operation, working in concert with his wife and at least one other female associate, the pair of them also under standard prodom aliases. They’re all connected to a series of accusations around the following companies:

“Goliath Productions; FEMDOMFACTOR; Income Solutions; Online Success Center and FDS Partners LTD”

Ripoffreport.com documents a complaint, giving Pagan Boy some extra backup as well as helping us lead further down the rabbit hole.

“With respect to his websites, Kevin Lorimer creates false profiles to boost his membership numbers.  He uses online stock photos for these profiles and for his website pages to entice members.  He also has old photos of retreats that no longer exist.  He does this to gain paid memberships.  His business is registered overseas so that he doesn’t have to pay income taxes.  He also uses variations of his name to register for utilities, etc. in order to avoid being located. “

Thankfully Pagan Boy was kind enough to dig out some information to help with the claim about Mr. Lorimer’s legal troubles. A cease and desist, for example, for selling securities through “Income Solutions”.  Or let’s look at his time in the Colorado courts, for example, right here.

I’d like to believe that the ranting ladies in my comments section are just upset that they’ve been taken in. One was even nice enough to link back from her website with how she’s rightly trounced me, although I would also mention she is perfectly welcome to claiming all the victories she wants- I don’t see this as a competition.

The take away here is that if something sounds like it’s too good to be true, it probably is. It also leads to speculation of whether people are actually getting what they paid for (perhaps MISTRESS VENGEANCE would care to provide her insider information?) . It’s also unfortunate- as long as sex work continues to exist in the shadow of quasi-legality and doesn’t have better protections, this plus the general ignorance about BDSM gives Mr. Lorimer a place to ply his trade. At the very least he’s implied to be a pimp and these cases remain recent enough that FDS has a lot to answer for.

For me, this isn’t even about revenge, it’s just being honest about the festering infection that makes life so much harder for sexworker and lifestyle person alike. These people are not even proper professionals, but usually scammers who promise that they will take on submissives but demand that the sub prove themselves with membership. Case in point, this poor gentleman from FDS:

Hello Miss Pearl,
Thanks for the answer. I have read what you say about the site, it is very interesting. My account won’t be renewed either… I had actually joined as a paying member after the third letter from someone… who hasn’t answer back since I joined… ha ha!
Anyway… as I said before, I would love the chance to know you… and I do make a good friend…
[Name Redacted]

Poor guy.

Curious how we got here?

 

Femdomme Society University Tell All (Part 3)

This weekend, I looked into the website “Femdomme Society” to find out just precisely was their operating motives. According to their marketing copy, they offer themselves as a femdom community for doms and subs seeking to build a better world. In practice they are a “ladies get in free” style dating site that tries to get you to run cam shows while charging male members a monthly fee.

But, as part of their mission they offer a “University”, as a BDSM101. Sounds great, right? Just to make their audience feel extra special, there’s a doms only section of supposed secrets for helping them discover their feet. And as talked about here and here already, it’s bullshit, and harmful bullshit at that. But, since you stuck with me so far… onwards!

We wander into a list of suggested punishments and reminders that it is your responsibility to set up elaborate, enforced rules for the sub, and a blatant grab to get you to buy one of their supposedly highly effective “purge boxes”.  As usual the distinction between punishment and funishment is left ambiguous, with the idea that doms always have a duty to punish.

Of course a website like that wouldn’t be complete without pushing feminization and chastity play down everyone’s throats. Neither of these are bad, but one of the problems with contemporary femdom’s image is that these fetishes are treated like must haves or everyone.

With the latter, as usual, wrapped in reassurances that the cunnilingus will be worth it, and the former making no effort to deal with the fact that we just read several pages emphasizing how being more feminine would get to the heart of male submissive desires- so there’s an inherent disconnect that me wearing panties makes me powerful and him wearing panties makes him powerless. There’s a brief stop on watersports and other things like that, with the inaccurate statement that urine is “sterile”, which is a gross exaggeration that pee is less likely to make you sick than our taboos about bodily waste.

But, Femdomme society is also ready to speculate about why the femdom stereotype shtick is important:

Remember Men create the majority of FemDom stories, pictures and images to express how powerful Women are in their eyes and how weak they feel in a Woman’s presence. These images represent what men are really feeling inside. The poet and the song writer use words and the artist uses visual images to express their inner feelings. So when a Woman displays that “image” by donning a fetish outfit, or saying a term, or using Her voice in a certain manner, She touches the male submissive nature and triggers his feelings and desires, thus he becomes weak and helpless. Then the Woman can interact with the man with all barriers and defense mechanisms down. Now She is free to interact with the man in a more meaningful way. Now true intimacy and bonding can take place between the Woman and the man because She now can see Herself as he does.

See, the problem here is that we’re back to man-pleasing in the name of dominance. Now I don’t doubt it’s nice to make each other happy, but this just isn’t something that gets inflicted on maledoms. Which is why no matter how many corsets you lace yourself into, you’re not going to bring about a world revolution by making people desire your body, and you will be doing it at expense of your own sexuality, supplanting it with the desire-to-be-desired.

We’ve reached the end of the “Uniersity” so now they take the time to speak directly as website owners. Someone in the comments already compared this to Scientology, but the comparison to a cult really stands out when they explain the website rankings. Just joining gets you to “dame”. Finish reading their bogus educational pages and you can call yourself…”Madame”. If you agree to an interview with them to go on their website, you get promoted to “Baroness”. The title are of course meaningless, but create an artificial ranking system that of course goes back to making you sound like you wandered out of an exploitation flick.

But I suppose you were wondering where all this was going… The grand finale:

Once you achieve the rank of Baroness you will qualify for our affiliate program. What is it? It is a way for you to share in the profits of the Society. How does it work? First all Women on the site have a free membership, providing them full access, but men do not, they must upgrade to either a monthly membership of $28 or to a life time member of a single payment of $125 to gain full access, otherwise they have limited access as a silver member. Please keep in mind the cost of operating the Society, retreat and website is hefty. But we operate on a profit sharing basis, because the purpose of the Society is not to generate revenue, but rather to ensure that anyone who wishes to explore this life style has a safe place to do it. OK back to profit sharing. Once you are a Baroness you will qualify for our Affiliate Program, by setting up your affiliate application you will get your own admin section that allows you to keep track of any submissive that upgrade and enter your ID number as their sponsoring Domme. You will earn $14.95 for each monthly member! Every month that he continues with his membership, so it is always good to follow up with them and keep them active. To put this in perspective, if you have 50 guys who have upgraded to a Gold , monthly membership and they entered your ID number when first upgraded then you will earn. $747 each month. If a submissive upgrades to a Platinum, life time membership, you will get a one time payment of $50. The best way to have the website work for you, is to visit your myaccount section. On the right hand side you will see banners, These banner are specifically coded to your profile. Copy and paste the code in the white box, and place it on other websites, facebook, myspace or your blog and that banner will appear there. Anytime someone clicks on the banner, we track them, and if they upgrade to paying they earn you money.

Look, I have nothing against needing money, but this is practically next door to a pyramid scheme. It’s essentially telling you that you should be actively recruiting men and encouraging them to spend money… for what? To build a female led world based on being conventionally feminine to trick men into dressing in a conventionally feminine fashion?

Instead we have a scheme that encourages female members to recruit male members for money, offering and unhealthy, male pleasing idea of femdom to line the pockets of the “Baronesses”, or more to the point, the website owners.

Femdomme Society University Tell All (Part 2)

Following along without the back story? Femdomme Society is a website promising that, in their member base of 57302 active users, it’ll help connect F/m leaning people. They also allow F/f oriented femsubs in signup, but of course none of the material is oriented towards them. Catch up with earlier posts here and here.

Out of sheer mean spirited bloody mindedness, I will continue to review their “secrets” of female dominance. At this point, it’s clear professor Sutton is not the only person teaching at Femdom University. We move from Sophomores being indoctrinated to the website’s practical suggestions in establishing dominance in your relationship.

According to them, you can spot submissiveness waiting to come out by such things as…

2. Sneaks glances at Your body, and quickly turns away when caught looking;
3. Shows a deeper interest in Your hair, make up, and clothes;

And

8. Loves to give oral sex, and strives to be sensual and gentle during love making.

Of course for people like me who get bupkiss out of mouth-on-vulva, no allowances are made. Because only rude, brutal men want firm hard sex. But never fear, the website is selling the idea that all guys have a submissive waiting to come out if only women used their sexual power. Or, in their own words:

 There are many ways to create the “desire to submit”. Quite often men have not touched upon their submissive side due to fear. They find it safer to keep up a “macho” front, thus protecting themselves from any teasing or hazing from their male friends. In order to coax the submissive side out of them, give them a safe place to let their guard down, which is the reason for going slowly. Later, once You are inside his head, You can begin to break him down. [My bolding]

Of course when it comes to coaxing their submissiveness out, their solution to this is that all men are entranced by high heels and lingerie, with a very poor attempt to make the distinction between being sexually desired and having a reliable source of power. To be honest, high heel fetishes seem pretty variable and lingerie taste ranges from nothing or no interest to the highly specific- you never can tell if they guy is going to be gaga over boyshorts or fail to remember the colour of your bra despite wrestling with the clasp for ten minutes the last time you had sex.

But, according to them the best ways to grow dominance in your relationship include dressing sexy but a very particular kind of sexy, fondling him while he’s naked and asking him about female family members, especially his mother (carefully and elaborately detailed script included) and then taking him shopping and… making him carry your purchase of PANTIES! Oooooo, daring!

Why would I spend time with a man so horrified of femaleness that carrying a bag of lingerie takes coaxing?

Yeah, the much vaunted Femdom Society secrets involve taking the poor bastard to the mall with sexual bribery. But of course don’t you dare want a big cock inside you- remember consummating your lust spoils dominance. Instead:

Flirt , arouse, but never let the relationship progress to sexual interaction. This is the time when You are establishing how much effort this man must spend in expectation of being with You.

So it’s okay according to them to rub your feet against a man’s groin, but of course you understand that your urge to dominate is not being y’know, so fucking wet and lust filled you want to slam him into walls and rape him. But remember girls, all that sexy lingerie doesn’t have to appeal to you either- when you have him hooked you may drop the act and wear whatever you like. But until he submits, keep your self locked up in a sexy thong.

Apparently, once aroused, the male victim of this scheme will gradually come to associate serving you in small, menial things (not because he wants to, but because you give him a hand job every time you want coffee). The pay of course is that you get the poor bastard to list things he doesn’t want to do and then…

[…]there will be a point where Your pet appears to be more submissive than ever before. It is at this point that You begin to use the “would never do” list. At his most submissive moment, tell him how it would please you if he did a certain thing he said he would never do.

Note that this was not discussed in the context of soft limits, but rather as part of the sales packaged the with significant enough manipulation that your victim of choice will do everything you say. At this point I am reminded nothing so much as the sad, amateurishly written PUA (pick up artist) guides on seducing the female, that flatters the shit out of the reader while completely dehumanizing the opposite sex as a means to an end. I am also struck by the same aura of vulnerability. All this “power” is built on making yourself into a sexual object and running an elaborate deception just to get to a place also reached by adult negotiation.

We’ll pick up again in the next post to look at the rest of Junior and Senior and uncover the financial scam at their heart.

More Gems From Femdom Society (Part 1)

So I thought that before I deleted my account at Femdom Society I’d check out their much vaunted “University”. Because hey, they might charge you almost eight bucks a month, but that part’s free! Let’s take a peek at Freshman class #1 for doms….

Before We start, We want You to know Our system is complex in structure. Submissive’s do not have access to this section of the website. It is exclusive to Dominant Women. Use the information in these classes to Your advantage. As a Superior Woman, however, You do have access to both sub and sissy Universities.

Ooooookay…

Let us get started! This Lesson covers some basic facts that may surprise You. Facts which prove not only that Women are superior to men, but that Our current society is in the midst of a rapid power exchange. In the next few years We will see a complete turn around in Women’s and men’s roles.

Huh? Okay. Then they get into a history of modern progress towards gender equality dressed as proof of female superiority. And then we get to the meat of this wank fest that wishes it were a conspiracy:

The power exchange between dominant Women and submissive men is not founded solely on sexual basis. In reality, it is grounded on the dynamics of who holds the power. The purpose of this Society is to help educate Women on how to overcome the misconceptions, how to over-step the long looks from those in society who do not embrace these changes, and to help You blossom within that which is the natural order of events. Those who embrace this Society are dedicated to the development of a complete Society in which men are merely servants to the every need and desire of Women. The level at which You embrace this is entirely up to You, but from those of Us further down the path, please know the more You learn, the more dynamic and exciting Your life will become. The more You implement these practices into Your relationship, the deeper the bond between You and Your man will be, and there will be a day when You look back and realize that Your relationship is a great deal more secure, a great deal more satisfying, and a great deal more honest than it ever used to be.

Shut up. Are you fucking kidding me? World domination through cam shows and shitty profile beauty pageant competitions. Well, nobody would suspect! Just an innocent front of female sexual objectification in the name of the movement!

And then, onto the next freshman class, with a list of helpful terms. We learn things like:

Branding: A higher level of domination, it usually revolves around a ceremony in which a slave is branded with the mark of a Domme.

Feminization: Taking a cross dressing desire to a new level by forcing a slave to accept Female traits. This can include anything from eyebrow plucking to breast implants. Very common in long term relationships.

Whoever wrote this has no fucking clue what they’re doing. There’s no particular logic in what they do and don’t list, and while I do from personal experience it’s hard to be completely inclusive, the general idea that things are part of a natural order and not more of a buffet pervades the rest of the list.

Although Hollywood tends to feed off the sexual aspects of Female Domination […]

Not that this website is doing any differently now… It’s a confused mess. They follow with a bunch of old news articles about an increase of stay at home husbands, an article about a couple who like animal training and something about female leadership. Keep in mind that up until this point they’ve been banging a drum about female power and supremacy coming from the feminine.

A man wants to worship his Woman not just as an individual, but also for the Feminine power that She has to create life in Her body. That alone makes every Woman worthy of respect.

Urrrrrgh, because reducing women to their reproductive organs isn’t sexist…

If You want to succeed at this lifestyle, there is something extremely important to keep in mind: Your man WANTS You to be in charge. That means You have the power to create the rules and guidelines that he so craves for You to set. That means You can include the things You are comfortable with and exclude everything else, no matter what he says he wants.

Oh Sweet Jesus. People are paying money for this shit. Who wrote this… let’s see…

We want to thank Ms. Elise Sutton for Her input. A great deal of the information You have just read is from the ongoing wisdom of Ms. Sutton. 

AAAAAAAAUGH!!!

Femdom Society you are a fucking cancer on female dominance.

Website Review: Femmedom Society

This is a bad website.

From the lurid pictures of sexy ladies plastered all over it, to the clunky web design and marketing copy designed to prey on lonely men, Femmedomme Society is everything that’s wrong with femdom. It also really goes back to my point that professional spaces marginalize non-professional femdoms. It’s like trying to date in the red light district- not a matter of competition as much as the fact that people with the expectations that come from having to pay make shitty “free” submissive boyfriends. I’m not saying visiting a sex worker ruins men or that sex workers are bad, but it makes a space that is actively hostile to non-pro when you try to jam all femdoms together.

And this website can’t really decide if I’m the product or the target market. Joining femmedom society is free, but the silver account is severely hamstrung and you’re encouraged to get a gold membership. Without one you can receive (but not respond to) messages and participate in the chat website. This is where the sneaky starts- accounts appear to default to saying you are a “gold” member regardless of your actual status. This might explain the trickle of messages from guys welcoming me.

Be that as it may, it’s not really doing much to sell to me, but using me as the product to attract men. It makes a big deal about the number of femdoms who have accounts there (GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS!) but neglects the fact that you basically can’t do anything with the site as far as meeting people unless you’re both paying. And it plasters sexy lady pics from here and yon- Guys, I’m not lesbian enough to find this interesting. Can we stop trying to sell kink with Hawt Ladies? It’s alienating, and in this sort of context it is pretty transparent I’m the product being sold.

The chat, incidentally, is built around cam shows. Again, not really a ‘lifestyle’ friendly set up unless that lifestyle person is an exhibitionist. This is another place the cracks start showing- it’s a vehicle for reaching customers more than a place for femdoms in general.

To their deference, FS tries their best to be useful by offering femmedom university, a series of BDSM 101 articles, complete with the ability to allow the subs participating to let the doms track their progress. For some reason they also feel the need to tell me that I will get “secret” information on making people submit, not shared with submissives… Urgh, no thanks.

Are you pedaling fiction or good advice, FS? This inability to actually see beyond the dynamic to the consenting adults doing it is another part of this shit that furthers problems. Seriously, it’s really hard on newbies when you match sensible information about limits and safewords with the idea that you are failing to be your sexual orientation if you don’t have the magic ability to make men do what you want.

As an aside, I think this is one of the hardest parts of kink- that everyone’s needs and desires can be radically different, and yet there’s the idea that submission is something you can unlock that way and it’s your measure of worth as a dom. The reality is that it’s like measuring your worth by making people horny or in love. It can be good to be able to work with someone you love to nurture their submissive feelings, but it’s like falling in love. Sometimes it’s not about you, but the other person.

FS also doesn’t miss a chance to try to suck money from submissive men. From trying to get them to buy the (allegedly gold member but not) women Platinum Memberships ($150 to get a girl’s attention? Kaching!) to explicitly telling them that dominant women would recognize their dedication if they bought a gold membership, there is the general problem of requiring submissives to part with cash to show their seriousness.

Sleazy, unethical and exploitive. And really crappy web design that looks years out of date despite a high monthly membership fee.  No thanks!

~Edit~

What had originally intended to be a one off review turned into a multi-post adventure, culminating in discovering that Femmedomme Society has something a bit more sinister than bad porn lurking in their closet.

Follow along, pilgrim!