Because the 30 days of kink meme was created for tumblr I’m going to do my 30 days with several days to a post.
Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.
I am a dominant sadomasochist. I am interested in power exchange relationships, and a general miscellaneous range of impact play, con-non-con, bondage, and so on. I consider myself a broken switch, in that I am into a full range of physical and rough play, but the psychological aspects of submission provide no fulfillment or attraction to me.
I think BDSM is a catch all term for a collection of commonly clustered kinks that focus on power imbalances, vulnerability and sensations that would often be considered unpleasant or painful and worth avoiding. How a particular person expresses these is going to vary wildly. As a dom (for me I don’t like ‘domme’), I am more interested in obedience and control than receiving acts of service in the stereotypical domestic fashion.
For example, I will get off on the idea of forcing a guy to edge himself repeatedly and beg me to come, but I will be less enthusiastic about him cleaning my floor.
Day 2: List your kinks.
Gosh, that might be long because I find I can get into many things if they are presented properly, and my 30 days of kink would just have to be devoted to listing anything I tangentially enjoy. Some of the stuff I like includes: Bondage, acts of sadism and masochism, puppeting someone’s body (eg. mind control), male foot gear, slenderness and gauntness (as in unhealthily underweight too), people being sick, states of extreme vulnerability, cold, captivity, hurt-comfort, uniforms, well dressed men, playing sexy spy/diplomat games, insertions, body compression and/or corseting, appearance modifications, dollification, giving a guy head… I think there’s a separate writing project based on doing a porn story for each of my kinks.
It gets more complicated when I try to consider things in terms of sexy ideas (tropes I find fun), things I masturbate to and sensation play that doesn’t come up in fantasy. For example I get sexually aroused from being on the receiving end or dishing out acts of sadism, but my private point of orgasm tends to focus on the intense vulnerability of non-con sex. Thus I don’t typically *think* of beating my partners during private masturbation time, but I’ll get wet doing it or watching a well done flogging scene in a movie and so on. And I’ve never enjoyed spanking porn (in large part because of the framing), but I like the act itself. Meanwhile some things are sexy ideas if I read them in stories and play out with other people- for example I like starting from a position of intense vulnerability and manipulating things to my own ends in games.
Which I think is a pretty important point about sexuality and uh… there lacks a word for it, but one’s emotional orientation and sense of what is romantic. With Wildcard, pre-bedroom foreplay is often either fighty (not in the yelling over housework kind but in the teasing playfighting tension) or in pursuit of his vulnerability, erotic interest and submission. In actual sex, there’s either the range of whap-whack-bind, or there’s particular ways I like to touch and be touched.
Meanwhile, when I’m writing porn… uh erotica, for me its fairly important to try to capture that visceral aspect similar to what I get before orgasm, as a sort of oomph, and the build up. I also tend to get side tracked into enjoying the emotional attitudes that underpin things, and for me, the sexy because it’s not sexy real mental tangents and contrasts people get.