Well, fuck. (Breakups)

So, Strong and I broke up. No story this Friday, just a post mortum.

Leaving most personal details out of it, it just wasn’t working anymore, which makes me incredibly sad. More so since I didn’t stop caring about the poor bastard, we just lost the mutual connection. Somewhere along the way, it died.

Ferns basically has the crux of the challenge for dominants, that without submission there is nothing. You can have a relationship, but it’s a stunted one with an under current of frustration. Breaking up with him meant leaving the hope that if I was just a bit more patient he’d come back to me.

But there’s that bugger chemistry. When you feel like submission is being handed out like a cookie, and the person is too busy giving you what they think they want, you stop feeling that glow of empowerment. To describe the situation, of course, doesn’t give Strong a fair chance to defend himself. He tried to be what he thought I wanted to the best of his ability.

But the problem may also be a matter of style. Submission, for me, is seduced out or ripped out. I find I tend to be drawn to the switch-y ones, in part because of my masochism, but also because of that sense of victory. Ha. I bet I probably sound like a cliché. Every dominant likes to think they’re special and that their submissive does not fall easily.

(Well, actually I’m not so sure about that, since I fake ‘submissive’ really well and I do not act fighty)

But for me, a guy who is all service and obedience from the start makes me feel like I’ve been asked to scale a sheer wall of glass. When I met Strong, he was emphatically not in a submissive position. The chemistry grew up around his desire just for me and we created something that was unique to us.

And yet there’s the gulf that often comes up between expectation of how a sub should act and  what the dom wants. In his case, I think he choked, and got too focused on being the perfect boyfriend. We always had a problem that way, for example I would provide a rule I wanted to put into place and he would take it and run with it and turn it into something his. Which makes it not about me, but about doing things his way.

On the other hand some of this is normal. I may have been too demanding and distance is bloody hard. And I really need to feel like I have the person’s full attention when I want it, which may be pretty hard to pull off all the time.

Regardless, he was, in many ways, extremely good for me and I don’t regret that he was part of my life. He came in as a friend, and I hope we’ll stay that way after we’ve had a chance to lick our respective wounds.

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5 Comments

  1. *sad* I’m sorry it ended. Break ups suck!

    And yeah, distance is really hard.

    I bet I probably sound like a cliché. Every dominant likes to think they’re special and that their submissive does not fall easily.

    This makes me laugh. It’s SO true! It doesn’t *mean* anything unless it’s for ME. Not her or her or her… ME! Because… special. Also, ego.

    Ferns

    Reply
  2. I really feel for you, and I’m sorry that it ended. *hugs* My marriage lasted for almost 15 years before it finally failed, and I discovered that even the most amicable breakups are difficult. Still, we did come out of it as friends.

    I’m sure that the last thing you’re looking for right now is advice form someone you don’t know, so I’ll not offer any, but just say that I’ve been there and it does get better

    Reply
  3. Miss Pearl,
    I am so sorry for your loss.
    All the best to you,
    -4Hercontrol

    Reply
  4. *hugs*

    I do hope you are able to remain friends, I think the complete removal of someone that was integral part of your life can be the worst part of breakup.

    -JT

    Reply
  5. vicvista

     /  October 14, 2013

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Hard stuff, especially in this type of intense relationship. ;(

    ~ Vista

    Reply

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