30 days of kink continues with a composition of days 16, 17 and 18, a chance to talk about the things that irratate, offend or are just plain irksome. And you know I like to grumble!
Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?
The hardest part of all this is that there are very few people who actually want to do what I like to do on any sort of consistent basis and all of us are very particular about how we want to do it, and not necessarily very consistent.
It’s not hard to find people who are into D/s. It is, however, hard to find someone who suits your particular interpretation- and one of the hard lessons you learn, early on, is that not all doms and subs are remotely compatible.
Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?
The thing that most drives me up the wall is the number of people who think BDSM is beyond the law or even normal relationship rules. The amount of nonsense passed off as “because we’re kinky!” by people experimenting with this for the first time beggars belief.
Obviously the people who think kinky people are all damaged or monsters are frustrating, but the self inflicted innocence also gives room to all sorts of dangerous behaviour, from failing to screen your relationships properly, as in the case of people who do what any dom says, or people who feel that criminal events are a private matter and decline to involve the police where they should.
But beyond that, it also means people with unrealistic expectations for ‘perfect’ subs with no other commitments, wealthy dominants who never crack and don’t usually love their sub and people who wear fetish clothing all the time because you can’t be kinky without it.
Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?
People who assume M/f is more natural than F/m. People who deny switches exist or see them as substandard. People who try to force a D/s dynamic or relate to you only in terms of your kink role. People who treat kink like it’s the better form of vanilla or that kinky folk are smarter and more adventurous, or less discriminatory. People who demand femdoms of all stripes act like professionals. People who bitch about all the unattractive people into kink. Really, anyone who can’t separate fantasy from reality.