Sickness and Idleness

It’s been two weeks since I went into the emergency room, my stomach so pained that I was crying with it. Two months of hurting, escalating from a week of bad things pushed on me.

They scoped me out, found nothing in my guts by MRI, and a non-threatening cyst on my left ovary. I had the worst time in the hospital- the IV caused a vasovagal reaction and dry heaving, then the fluids used to make my guts show up of course make you even more ill. It’s not sexy, but it is my body.

The doctor called it stress. Stress so intense my appetite’s shuttered and I wake up in pain every morning. I’m thirty-one. I lost 15 pounds in 2 months. I don’t even feel hungry anymore.

I’m on sick leave. Temporary disability (paperwork ahoy!) paid for out of premiums I was just signed on for at tge job I am tired of.

I miss wanting to eat, I miss having stamina. It’s Canada so all of this is free.

Wildcard, who lives to feed me cooking that would make a professional jealous, watches with wary, sad eyes. He doesn’t know how to help me. He wants to help.

I spend about an hour every day in the shower. It relieves the cramps and turns my brain off under the thousand drop prickle massage of the water. I do laundry because I hate being useless.

I will get better, I think? I’m mending slowly.

5 thoughts on “Sickness and Idleness”

  1. That all sounds awful, I’m so sorry to hear it (and really glad you sought help when you did).

    I just… don’t understand what the treatment is though. Like, it sounds like you’re just left on your own there to somehow magically ‘get better’. Is that what it is? You need to switch off and de-stress? I don’t think it works like that does it (I’m thinking of it like ‘anxiety’, only it’s ‘stress’: it won’t just go away will it?)? *worry fret*

    Sending lots of positive thoughts.


      • Good! It sounded like ‘well that’s too bad and good luck with that, see ya!’

        Give Miss Pearl my best wishes for a speedy recovery if she’s not checking in here just yet.


  2. Hypnosis via text to make you feel better.

    It’s meant for your unconscious mind. It may not mean anything to your conscious mind, but it will set off your unconscious to do more positive work.

    It’s inevitable that you will get better.

    In the meantime, you can divert your focus away from unpleasant feelings. You can focus on the pleasant feeling of massage of water in the shower. You can focus on being productive by doing things. You can focus on the good feelings when you receives caring comments from total strangers. Your unconscious has already figured all this out. I’ve read the message from your unconscious in this post, though you may not be aware of her, but she wrote part of this post. She is there to protect you, to comfort you, and to heal you. She is you, after all, only she prefers to work without you knowing.

    You’ll fully recover in no time.


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